[redhed35]

its impossible to predict what someone will say or do, going by a few posts.

for my two pence worth,it seems like this guy is needy and looking for something he can't find in a relationship with you.

that does not reflect badly on you,only perhaps that he does not value you nor see your worth,good chance someone else will.

[benson1]

Will he ever see my worth?

[redhed35]

again how can anyone say.

all you can do is look after yourself.

your situation is not uncommon, if you read the stickies at the start of the relationships thread,it gives great advice, and also you can read other peoples stories.

your not the only woman that this has happened too,in fact I can put my hand up to include me.

but,I am now with a great man,who values are relationship,if my ex was still been around,I would still be miserable! And stuck in an neverending drama.

[Jayjay027]

Benson, I am in a position so similar to yours.
I was engaged until last week, when he dropped a bombshell, saying he needed some time alone because his head is messed up. He asked me not to contact him, and I didn't, and he started contacting me.

It's easier for me to give advice than to take it on board, but I can say this - stick to NC.
It's the most difficult thing ever, ignoring the man you love, but it's the only way for you tp start rebuilding yourself, your confidence and your life.
If you stay in contact, or constantly analyse why he's getting in touch, it only holds you back from moving forward.
I'm guilty of analysing every text message he sends me, and believe me, it only makes you worse - and I'm working on it.

You have to be your priority now!
Take it from someone in a similar situation.

I wish all the luck, and I hope everything works out for u.

[talaniman]

I know I will keep busy, but from what you guys have read do you think he will get it together? And want to start a fresh? I know I can't think like that, but I feel I need a straight answer Will he ever see my worth?

Not while you don't see it for yourself.

Not while your still confused, hurt, and miserable.

Not while you haven't healed, and found your own happiness without him.

Certainly not until you have put this behind you. That takes time.

Was that straight enough for you? Not being harsh, but you have to do as he has, make a decision to put yourself first.

[benson1]

I honestly can't believe how helpful everyone has been! Sometime I post on here and feel a bit pathetic with the way I go on!
But it seems easier to share your insecurities with people you can't see. I went out tonight for drinks with my boyfriends from uni and I feel a lot better.

I asked them for advice, and they suggested giving him a deadline. I am not sure if it was good, or not, but I suggested taking a month apart, and that if after a month things hadn't changed, its done, if not we will see.

However I feel now that's this is what I need time to think about, myself and what I want. Do you guys think I have made a mistake?

And to jayjay, god you are so brave, and I look at you being engaged and being able to be strong after an engagement! I feel embarrassed! X

[Jayjay027]

Don't be embarrassed. We all have hard times, and everyone deals with them differently. As long as you ARE coping, that's the main thing.

I am honestly not coping very well, but I'm sticking to the NC just because I want him to see what life is like without me. If he doesn't miss me, I'm going to have to suck it up.
It's the worst feeling ever. But I've been through a bad break up before and I made all the wrong decisions then - I just don't want to do that again.

I think you may have made a mistake by giving him a deadline, you should have just stuck to the NC. I think you have just put more pressure on him to make a decision.
But either way, I really hope all works out for you!

[benson1]

I know what you mean that's what I thought but he felt its fair and really why not? Maybe it's the anger starting! But I can't wait forever!
I don't want to feel like this anymore! I know I can do the NC for a month and I think a month is a pretty good deal! A lot can happen!

I know I'm still screwed up about the whole thing and in no place to give advice but jay jay! Go out! I really did not want to go!
I was so close to canceling and just running back to my bed with the remote!
But I'm so glad I did! Just being with friends having a drink (not too much or the NC goes out the window)
But the best people to give u a boost is your mates and a vodka and diet coke!
Get dressed up and let's face it since last week we have both lost a few pounds :) maybe I have made a mistake?x

[benson1]

Ps when I said to him about the month deadline he said he thought that was fair
We agreed after a month we done hear anything we both know its done so I don't know I thought maybe that was a good thing?

[Jayjay027]

Well whatever works for you is your own business. If it works then I'm glad for u, if it's what you want.

I'm just trying to avoid contacting my guy because I don't think I would like what he has to say and I believe it would only hurt me more.

It's killing me though.

[benson1]

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...lk-303157.html

I know your situation is a whole new level uz were engaged which must be 100 times
Harder to get over than 10 months!

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...lk-303157.html
U should have a look at the advice from starrynights and taliman and redhead it sounds weird but every time I get the urge I read
What they say, or I went home to my parent for a week.
I live alone and it was hard just sitting in my flat alone
Maybe if you go home make sure you have people around u.
I've realised break ups make you feel lonely
And that's the killer.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...lk-303157.html

[Jayjay027]

Yea well I lived with him and now I'm back home with my parents and brothers.
I'd give anything to be back with him though.
I know I sound so desperate and needy but I was always so sure that he was the one for me. There was a connection between us that I can't explain, something I've never felt before.
Everything with him felt so right. It's just awful that he obviously didn't feel the same.

[talaniman]

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/no-chat-speak-no-text-talk-303157.html
Hate to be the bad guy, chat/text is not allowed.

[benson1]

I know I need to stick to nc how will I feel better and how will he know if he is missing me or not!
Maybe the month thing is a bad idea but I feel it needs a deadline.
And who knows how we will feel after that.
But in order for that to work I need to ignore him! Make him
See what its like without having me there!

Maybe I did make a mistake *sigh*
But I think I need to stick to nc for this to work

What do uz think about the month thing?

[amicon]

Nc is for you to start healing from the breakup,its not a magic wand to get the ex back.
When there is no contact your head will allow the confusion to recede and you will start to recover and get your life back on track.
You need to start taking care of yourself and keep busy doing things that make you feel better.
Whatever may happen in the future nobody knows.
Here and now its best that you concentrate on your healing.

[talaniman]

I think you should start doing your own thing and see in a month how you feel. That's what your going to do any way, and if nothing has changed between you, then it will be a wasted month.

You can't put deadlines, and timetables, on peoples feelings. You can't hold your breathe and hope limbo passes. Either you honor a commitment to yourself, or you don't.

Your choice, more misery and pain, or start the healing process.

[benson1]

I know I don't want to hol my breath I know I need to move on!
He said he thought it was fair and to see how things are in a month. Is he just humouring me?
I need to move on and I'm trying. I'm struggling today though because we had a big night with all his friends planned tonight
So I know he is out which is bugging at me
I'm having friends over tonight to keep my mind off it.
But I really am struggling

He text today saying he is going to apply to go back to uni and that he is feeling a little btter
But still want to try nc! He is just confusing me!

[redhed35]

Does he understand the concept of no contact!

Since you started your thread, you have gone through a gambit of emotions,but all the time going in a circle,you keep going right... and all roads right lead back to him.
Its not a perfect circle because your trying and slipping and trying and slipping.

And every time you do,you get more hurt,more tears,more confused.

The tools to turn LEFT and towards healing and a new lease of life are in this thread.

And the sign post that will lead you there says NO CONTACT.. at all! In any form!. from you or him.

[benson1]

Ok no contact! I just wish I really knew how he feels
God! Remind me never to get involved with a boy!

[benson1]

Ill only reply to him if he says what u said redhead
I love you I'm sorry I made a mistake. But right now I need to get over it!