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natalie25 · Oct 3, 2009, 06:16 PM

To all who post here. Natalie 25 and Natalie 26 are the same person so know the threads have been merged, and edited.

HELP! I love him. We have been dating for 6 months and life has been amazing. When we met he told me how later on he would start an internship and be very busy. That means he would be working full time, school full time and a internship. He thought back then he could deal with it. But I guess now he is just getting so stressed out. This last month we have been hanging once a week on Fridays. And that has been fine with me but I guess not with him. He wants to see me more and he thinks once a week or less is unfair. I guess I do understand but I don't. If he cared wouldn't he do anything to make it work? But I know he cares so much for his career and that goes first. He told me he was torn inside and didn't want to but juts doesn't have the time. I know he cares for me a lot. And really there isn't much time. But I'm just so heartbroken. I decided we can still be friends. And he said who knows what the future holds. Is there a chance he'll miss me later on and want me back? I decided to be friends but I'm not going to contact him he can do that right? Is there any chance he'll start missing me and want me back and think it will work? Please help!

DerelictHerds · Oct 3, 2009, 07:14 PM

I'm afraid you're going to have to move on. Don't put your life on hold because he surely won't. I don't think being friends with him would be the greatest idea either since you have such strong feelings for him, and it would only cause you pain.

If I was in love with someone, I would do anything to keep them.

Justwantfair · Oct 3, 2009, 07:55 PM

This guy has one busy schedule and a relationship for him right now is not a priority. In fact it is probably more of a distraction. He is ultimately required to find quality time for you and even just fitting you in once a week probably leaves him feeling guilty that he is already asking you to put your life on hold, while he focuses primarily on his goals.

I think that what's best is to not contact him and allow yourself the time to heal. This relationship has broken up and maintaining a friendship at this time is not in your best interest, because you want more from him than he is able to give. Let him fulfill his goals, it is admirable that he is that structured. I agree, do not put your life on hold, this isn't a situation that will work out quickly and your relationship wasn't long enough to merit such devotion on your part.

I wish · Oct 3, 2009, 09:10 PM

I think you're right, if he really cared about you, he would find a way to make it work. Seeing each other once a week is no different than a long distance relationship.

It sounds like he's not even willing to give the relationship a chance while he's temporarily busy. Sounds like he just used the intership as an excuse to break up with you.

There's always a chance that he would come back to you, but from the looks of things, don't expect him to come back, you'd just be setting yourself up for disappointment.

artlady · Oct 3, 2009, 09:17 PM

You sound needy and clingy ,neither of which is an attractive trait.
Men like strong independent women,not someone who has to have a guy there all the time to justify who they are.
Don't mean to be harsh but that just the way I am reading it.

azif · Oct 3, 2009, 10:44 PM

Working and studying put a lot of pressure on my old relationship. So we had a break, time apart made me see how much I loved her and wanted her back (unfortunately things weren't the same for her... )

In short, focus on you. If he does love you he'll be back.

amIwrong · Oct 3, 2009, 10:53 PM

Originally Posted by azif

Working and studying put a lot of pressure on my old relationship. So we had a break, time apart made me see how much i loved her and wanted her back (unfortunately things werent the same for her...)

In short, focus on you. If he does love you he'll be back.

I agree with you azif. Move on with your life, as impossible as this may seem. Distract yourself if you have to. Keep in mind that he may end up back with you, but don't count on it just in case. When and if he does, you may find yourself at a different point in life as it is, and that may be a good thing. I went through some of that and it was not the same in the end but I grew a lot in the process. I know you don't want to hear this and maybe it will be different for you. In the meanwhile you must push on.

itsamor · Oct 3, 2009, 10:59 PM

This happened with the love of my life and he keeps coming back and coming back to me after I broke up with him. Im trying to be "tough" and just pretend to move on but I know deep down we'll end up together again when the time is right. And for that time... who knows how long it will take, but keep faith if its true love you'll be together in the end and forget about all that's happened in between. Xoxox

redhed35 · Oct 4, 2009, 01:33 PM

There are some really great stickies in the relationship thread,by starting no contact and giving yourself time to heal,perhaps in time you will see that,things were not as good as you thought.

If he wants to focus on his career there's not a lot you can do... as you said moving on is probably the best thing.

ohsohappy · Oct 4, 2009, 01:36 PM

I know it's hard, but if he's not willing to be with you, the worst thing you can do is try to get him back. This is because at this point, he is not willing, and you will be hurting yourself more. He probably could fit you into his schedule, but he doesn't want to, otherwise he would try harder. His career is his priority right now. This unfortunately really hurts. I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with this.
The best thing that I can say for you to do is this. Move on. Do not contact him, an dstick to it. If he calls, either ignore it or tell him that you're busy. Hang out with friends that you don't see often, join clubs, focus on school or work or find a hobby. Whatever it takes. No matter what though, it will take some time.

You were only together for 6 months.
This is not enough time to really get to know someone or decide that you love them.

natalie25 · Oct 4, 2009, 02:36 PM

Is it bad I said we can be friends.

ohsohappy · Oct 4, 2009, 02:40 PM

Originally Posted by natalie25

is it bad i said we can be friends.

He's not going to want to have the time to be just your friend, if he doesn't have the time to be your boyfriend. And I think it would make it more difficult on him because he'll feel like you're still pursuing him by trying to be friends. I promise, not talking to him is the easiest way to deal with these things.

natalie25 · Oct 4, 2009, 02:48 PM

You I understand. He told me he really wanted to be friends so I said OK. But what if he calls or something later on what should I do?

I wish · Oct 4, 2009, 03:16 PM

You can be friends after you've recovered from the break up. For now it's better to stay away from each other to avoid adding to the confusion and prolonging the healing process.

natalie25 · Oct 4, 2009, 03:28 PM

Thanks for your guys help! I just don't understand why he can't be busy and have a relationship? I can do it. So he's just going to throw what we had away. Obviously I wasn't a priority to him :(

I wish · Oct 4, 2009, 03:30 PM

Originally Posted by natalie25

I just don't understand why he can't be busy and have a relationship?

Being busy is just an excuse. He just doesn't feel the same way about you anymore, so he's letting you down easy by telling you that he's busy.

Avoid talking to him, so that you don't get confused anymore. Just focus on yourself and focus on recovering from this break up.

natalie25 · Oct 4, 2009, 04:41 PM

Thanks. What about tips on getting back to being happy when single. And it sucks when all my friends are in relationships, I feel so alone now.

ohsohappy · Oct 4, 2009, 05:34 PM

Sometimes it's easier for a partner to make up an excuse to try and let you down easy, rather than just be up front about it. For some reason they think that saying "I just don't have time" makes it easier for you, when in reality, those words cause you to hold on to false hope. Because the reason isn't "I don't feel the same way about you" people tend to think that maybe they still have feelings for them, and that there's a chance in the future, when there really isn't. It does more harm than good.
He probably thinks he's doing a good thing by sparing your feelings, but he only says it that way because it makes him feel better. He doesn't want to look like a jerk because he doesn't have feelings for you, so he makes up lies.
He's not doing the right thing, he's doing the easy thing, so he doesn't look bad, whether he knows he's doing it or not. His excuses are just something for him to hide behind.

The fact is, is that he doesn't love you anymore, and you shouldn't waste your time trying to be with someone who does not want to be with you. It's not healthy.
Find someone who does have time with you, and has enough respect for you to tell you the truth, instead of being a coward.

natalie25 · Oct 4, 2009, 05:45 PM

You are totally right and thanks for all your advice. I appreciate it. But I don't think him telling me he's busy is an excuse. Because actually soon he really will be. There will be barely any time for me. With him working, school and interning everyday. I think he's scared since we won't see each other a lot. In my head I want to think maybe later on he'll think it can work. But I know I need to start letting go. Any stories about being busy with school and work in a relationship? Do people just get scared can it work? Any success stories? Or should I just completely let go now.

ohsohappy · Oct 4, 2009, 07:33 PM

That could be part of it, but if he REALLY wanted to make it work, he would put more effort in to it.
My boyfriend goes to college 3 hours away. I only get to see him on weekends, sometimes only every-other weekend. We're doing just fine. The key is effort and communication. If he's not willing to put that in, you're not going anywhere.