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ZoeMarie · Oct 2, 2009, 06:09 AM

I thought her name sounded familiar. I should have looked back at previous posts. Thanks I wish. ;)

starlite1 · Oct 2, 2009, 06:16 AM

Hi I Wish,

He says I'm doing better, however I still have these insecurities. They are driving me crazy, and I don't want to lose my boyfriend.

I wish · Oct 2, 2009, 06:21 AM

Originally Posted by starlite1

Hi I Wish,

He says I'm doing better, however I still have these insecurities. They are driving me crazy, and I don't want to lose my boyfriend.

If you're doing better, then that's a good sign. It sounds like you've been having this problem for a very long time. So I would think that it takes time to fix the problem too. If you been having progress, then keep up the progress. You don't need to be so hard on yourself. Don't expect yourself to change so quickly. Take one step at the time. As long as you keep improving. You can do it!

starlite1 · Oct 2, 2009, 06:23 AM

Thanks I wish, but how do I make my boyfriend happy again?

ZoeMarie · Oct 2, 2009, 06:25 AM

OK, Starlite, have you ever taken your boyfriend with you to see your doctor? If the doctor will allow that, it's not a bad idea. Maybe you and your boyfriend and your doctor can come up with something for when you're going through your episodes and maybe it will make for a little more understanding on your and your boyfriend's side.

I wish · Oct 2, 2009, 06:26 AM

Originally Posted by starlite1

Thanks I wish, but how do I make my boyfriend happy again?

You need to worry about yourself and take care of yourself first before you worry about someone else.

As for your boyfriend, if he really cared about you, then I think that he would be happy if you show a little progress every day. So focus on improving yourself every day and things will naturally fall into place with him.

starlite1 · Oct 2, 2009, 06:42 AM

Hi I Wish, and Zoe,

That is actually what my boyfriend said. As far as therapy, yes, he has been with me on numerous occasions but he still gets frustrated and angry at me.

I wish · Oct 2, 2009, 06:45 AM

Originally Posted by starlite1

he has been with me on numerous occasions but he still gets frustrated and angry at me.

He might get fustrated and angy, but that's only because he cares. Look how much time and patience he's put in already. He's been sticking by you all this time and actively trying to help you. If he didn't believe in you, he would have ran away by now.

Hug him a few times and day and thank him for being so patient and believing in you. After that, go back to focusing on yourself. Work harder on yourself and I'm sure he'll feel much better about the relationship. Just keep improving!

starlite1 · Oct 2, 2009, 07:09 AM

That's a beautiful idea, I wish. Thank you so much, and for those points too. I am so lucky to have him in my life, and I hope he feels the same way.

ZoeMarie · Oct 2, 2009, 07:15 AM

In my opinion, someone who sticks with you through all of this is a keeper. It sounds like he really does care about you. =)

starlite1 · Oct 2, 2009, 07:39 AM

Thank you ZoeMarie, I appreciate that. He certainly is.

starlite1 · Oct 14, 2009, 11:37 AM

Hi Everybody,

Starlite here again.

Do I have a reason to feel resentful? How do I communicate this without coming off as a Bit%^.

My boyfriend of 4 years (we are living together) just went out and bought a $50000.00 truck, which I am fine with, a whole bunch of new clothes, a new phone.

I was going to order myself some new clothes which I desperately need, and he says "Don't order anything until the bill gets paid" (The bill was a 0 balance, and he just ordered new clothes).

I am so hurt... how do I communicate this to him. And do I have a right to feel this way, or am I blowing this out of proportion.

Thanks, Starlite

redhed35 · Oct 14, 2009, 11:47 AM

It depends if you share your finances or not..

If its 'house' money,i.e. money for bills etc I would be angry it was not discussed..

If it was just his money,well its his money,but it would be nice to have being asked what did I think?

If your sharing the same space, I would be peeved anyway.

The only thing you can do is talk to him,see how he views the situation,if you're his partner,I would see it as selfish.

He may not think anything of it,and unless you say something, he will continue thinking everything is fine.

starlite1 · Oct 14, 2009, 11:49 AM

Hi Redhead,

Yes, we share all the finances, but he dictates everything.

redhed35 · Oct 14, 2009, 11:52 AM

Do you mean,you contribute to the house hold expenses but he decides how they are spent?

If that's the case,perhaps its time to sit down and talk budget... a portion for the house,and a percent of your wages for you,to spend how you wish..

starlite1 · Oct 14, 2009, 11:53 AM

We've had that talk already; the thing is he can spend on whatever he wants, but if I need anything, I need to clear it with him first, or sometimes even before I clear anything, he negates it.

redhed35 · Oct 14, 2009, 12:00 PM

That sounds a little controlling.

If my daughter was going to use my credit card or other form of card,she would have to clear it with me,for example,tonight she is in a different county,I gave her my card for emergency cash only... im the parent,she is the child and needs permission to use it if she needs too..

Do you see where I'm going with this, it sounds like your in a parent child relationship,instead of an equal partnership..

He gets to be the adult with the power over the finances,and you have to clear any spending with him... does not really ring through as equal or healthy, your feeling resentfull, his way is not working,and you need to tell him that.

spitvenom · Oct 14, 2009, 12:01 PM

It's funny my wife started to resent me cause I bought a new car which I desperately needed(not $50,000 it was $20,000) and bought some new clothes and sneakers (I am a sneaker hoe). I noticed she was giving me the cold shoulder so I asked her what is wrong. And she said she needed new clothes and shoes etc and it wasn't right that I didn't let her.

I started to laugh and said sweetie it is your money too and you keep the budget if there is money there then don't worry about it and buy whatever you need you earned half of that money. Just talk to him and explain that you earned half of that money and there are necessities that you need. Hopefully he will see he is being an @$$ by dictating what you can or can't buy with your money.

starlite1 · Oct 14, 2009, 12:18 PM

Thank you spitvenom and redhead, you both make perfect sense. He is a bit of a control freak anyway.

I wish · Oct 14, 2009, 12:23 PM

Threads merged

Hi starlite1,

I found it appropriate to merge your threads so that people can follow your story with your boyfriend.

You and your boyfriend really need to work on communication. You shouldn't be afraid to express how you feel about the situation. Relationships take hard work and compromise.

If he's a control freak, it makes it even more important to have a strong communication system.