[chuff]

Dude, do you know how many people wouid love to have a great job and live in a unique place for 2 years? Or just one of those? Screw her this is your time and it's the best thing to happen to you. Now instead of coming back home and reporting to her you've got the chance to explore a different land and culture. How are you not learning Mandarin? The best way to learn a language is to live where it is spoken. Focus on that and take something of value back home with you.

[tree56]

Good advice there, thanks all of you. Do you think it's appropriate to just go to a bar where expats gather, and start drinking all by myself, hoping I will make new friends out of the blue?

It's not me, I don't feel like doing it, never done it before. But, I need friends. Desperately. What options do I have?

I've thought about registering on one of those meeting/socializing websites, but these only include major cities around the world, not a chance to find a friend/partner close to me.

[talaniman]

The only option I have is a city nearby, bigger than the one I live in, where there are expats living there, but I need 1.5 hour driving to get there.. (1.5 + 1.5 return = 3hrs total).. And what can I do? Just go to a bar drinking beer all by myself?

Good advice there, thanks all of you. Do you think it's appropriate to just go to a bar where expats gather, and start drinking all by myself, hoping I will make new friends out of the blue?

It's not me, I don't feel like doing it, never done it before. But, I need friends. Desperately. What options do I have?

I've thought about registering on one of those meeting/socializing websites, but these only include major cities around the world, not a chance to find a friend/partner close to me.

Its not a coincidence, nobody but you has suggested sitting around drinking. Hmm wonder what the natives do with their time?

[Homegirl 50]

I would think sitting around a bar drinking would be a mistake. When you are going through a rough time, when you are emotionally vulnerable I don't think sitting around drinking is the smartest thing to do.

Go to work, learn the language, learn the city, some things about the area you're living in. Are there museums? Do the people you work with socialize with each other? Do you have neighbors?

[tree56]

There are 5-6 expats I work with, but they are different age group: over 55-60, all of them. So I guess there isn't much to discuss with these guys, apart from work-related issues.

What I'm looking for is some people of similar age with me, that I'll be able to discuss things of mutual interest to us. I think that's impossible here. It's something natural, every normal person would look for it.

Anything I do, any activity I take up (and there are plenty I have, already), is boring without a friend to share it with. I guess I'm cursed to live with it, until I get back to my home country.

[liz28]

Did you ever try the site I posted for you?

Have you ever seen the movie "Man Date"? Watch it (it is hilarious) because you need one. But the site I posted isn't for that but it seems like the movie sort of fits your situation.

[talaniman]

You need to make some adjustment, so you can learn, and grow, instead of dismissing what you have right in front of your blind A$$! No wonder your miserable, and have nothing to do.

[CatherineLopez]

[F]I definitely think you should go for the first move because she obviously is waiting on you. Maybe she thinks that you've taken the situation a bit to seriously and that she might have done a mistake that could have never crossed her mind, yet did. If I were you, I'd do the first move because you never know what could happen unless you try.

[kp2171]

[F]I definitely think you should go for the first move because she obviously is waiting on you. Maybe she thinks that you've taken the situation a bit to seriously and that she might have done a mistake that could have never crossed her mind, yet did. If I were you, I'd do the first move because you never know what could happen unless you try.

Uhm... please read the entire thread... not just the OP'd question... A LOT has happened since then. You are new to AMHD, so I didn't rate a disagree... just be sure to read through threads all the way before posting...

[liz28]

[F]I definitely think you should go for the first move because she obviously is waiting on you. Maybe she thinks that you've taken the situation a bit to seriously and that she might have done a mistake that could have never crossed her mind, yet did. If I were you, I'd do the first move because you never know what could happen unless you try.

Are you serious?

[Homegirl 50]

There are 5-6 expats I work with, but they are different age group: over 55-60, all of them. So I guess there isn't much to discuss with these guys, apart from work-related issues.

What I'm looking for is some people of similar age with me, that I'll be able to discuss things of mutual interest to us. I think that's impossible here. It's something natural, every normal person would look for it.

Anything I do, any activity I take up (and there are plenty I have, already), is boring without a friend to share it with. I guess I'm cursed to live with it, until I get back to my home country.

You have a wealth of information and experience right under your nose and you don't even realize or appreciate it. You'd be surprise the fun and experience that can be gained hanging our with people that age. 55-60 is not old.
I think you just want to zone out and play the remainder of your time there instead of growing and learning.
You ever hear the expression "bloom where you're planted"? You have been place in a situation that can be the agent for wonderful changes in your life. Get your head out of your butt so you can see it. Stop thinking no one has anything to offer you unless they are younger and female. Maybe even think about what you can offer someone else not your age or female.
I wish you well

[kp2171]

Buddy... I feel for you... hell, I changed my life plans more than once for a girl and lived to regret it... you are better than me... you are still there...

Look... you are hurting and you are making her being gone be the reason you are miserable... where you are is where you would have been with her or without her. Do your best to take in all you can.

no... its not going to fill that "empty spot" and its not a substitute for another partners attention... but really... you need to take in your time there as an opportunity...

What is one of the biggest turn ons about any new relationship? I'm asking the OP'er...

What is one of the biggest turn ons about a new relationship... starts with an "M"... ends in a "Y"...

[to be continued]

[tree56]

Ok, got some updates!

A female friend of mine just dropped by, and asked for my stuff back, and guess what she said! "oh, i'm sorry, nobody gave me any notice to prepare the stuff, unfortunately i've put them in the basement!!".. I asked a thousand times for my stuff back, and she places them in a box in the basement?

Anyway, my friend left, 10 minutes later she called her on her mob, and asked her if she could please go to the basement to gather my stuff, and she did.. Gave back the ring, all other engagement gifts, BUT: she (intentionally?) forgot to give back my clothes.. What's wrong with this girl? I can't understand what she's thinking.

[Homegirl 50]

Don't worry about it. Move on. She gave you back your ring. Maybe she has not even thought about your clothes.

[chuff]

You are a free man. Clothes are going to go out of style. Forget them, you got the ring and your freedom with it.

[tree56]

Yes, I am!

Do you think there's no point trying to figure out every single move of her? Am I over-analyzing things? You know how it goes: we broke up, don't want to see her again, actually kind of "hate" her, but still, there is a small, tiny hope that she still wants to be with me, despite the fact she's playing games.

On the other hand, I'm thinking that if she'd really love me, she would come back immediately.. Love isn't about playing mind games, is it?

I always thought that my relationship was special because we never, ever played those stupid childish games.. Will I ever find again a partner that won't play games & love me truly, unconditionally? Or should I get used to the fact that -nowadays- it's common practice for people to play games?

[none12345]

Do you think there's no point trying to figure out every single move of her? Am I over-analyzing things?

Do yourself a favour and let go and move on. Don't think about her anymore, it will only hold you back from doing the things you want to.

You know how it goes: we broke up, don't wanna see her again, actually kind of "hate" her, but still, there is a small, tiny hope that she still wants to be with me, despite the fact she's playing games.

Happens to everyone. Get rid of that hope, and someone better will walk into your life. If you don't, you won't know if they walk right pass you because you will always be thinking of the ex.

On the other hand, I'm thinking that if she'd really love me, she would come back immediately.. Love isn't about playing mind games, is it?

Correct. Not immediately though. What if she doesn't come back? Will you still be waiting for her?

I always thought that my relationship was special because we never, ever played those stupid childish games..

So did everyone else when they broke up with their ex. No one likes breaking up but it happens. You are blinded by emotions that's why you think its special but over time you ll start to think its not as special as you once thought it was.

Will I ever find again a partner that won't play games & love me truly, unconditionally?

Yes you will but there are steps you will have to take. Step one, forget the ex.

Or should I get used to the fact that -nowadays- it's common practice for people to play games?

Love shouldn't be about playing games. If you find love, you won't have to worry about it.

[Homegirl 50]

Yes, I am!!

Do you think there's no point trying to figure out every single move of her? Am I over-analyzing things? You know how it goes: we broke up, don't wanna see her again, actually kind of "hate" her, but still, there is a small, tiny hope that she still wants to be with me, despite the fact she's playing games.

On the other hand, I'm thinking that if she'd really love me, she would come back immediately.. Love isn't about playing mind games, is it?

I always thought that my relationship was special because we never, ever played those stupid childish games.. Will I ever find again a partner that won't play games & love me truly, unconditionally? Or should I get used to the fact that -nowadays- it's common practice for people to play games?

I think you need to accept the fact that she no longer wants to be with you.
Was she and is she playing a game? I don't know. It could be that she just got tired of waiting around for you. 7 years is a long time to be dating someone and then a two year engagement. Maybe she was going to just keep you hanging on for a while.
At any rate, move on. Let this go!

[kp2171]

First... when the sh!t hits the fan, there isn't a lot of reasoning involved when trying to figure out the splatter pattern...

Good relationships sometimes crash and burn. Been there at least twice. Where what seemed logical and normal and good turned completely f'ed up beyond all reasonable expectations... doesn't mean it wasn't good while it lasted... just means the ending took a bloody turn that wasn't expected.

Breakups can really, really screw with you. And her. And all of it.

As for playing games... don't know what to say there...

Stop elevating this past relationship to some supreme level. What? Would it be worse to be with a girl who played some "mind games" but who loved you endlessly and faithfully??

Sorry bub... I've had too many girls cheat on me when "things were good"... does that mean I expect mind games and cheating?

Nope.

I expect my partner to be toe to toe with me... and if that doesn't happen now... well... I still think it'll happen.

So don't play the victim.

Stop with the "will i ever find another girl who is true" noise.

I've been there... right where you are. It suck big rocks. And yes... you will find other girls who will try to be true.

The connection you have with each new partner is different... you won't ever have "the same connection" as you did with the last girl...

And as for the "if she really loved me" noise...

I believe some love is meant for a time, but not all time.

[tree56]

What really hurts is that she never gave me any good signal of her being bored with our relationship. At least I would be expecting it, I'd be prepared for it.

And, what also hurts, is that during those 7 years, she was always this pretty cute girl, that was polite to everyone, shy, she never -ever- hated anyone, she would forgive everybody for their mistakes, She had a VERY big heart (or at least, I thought so -maybe she was pretending? I dunno)

So, what hurts, is that suddenly she became this arrogant, selfish, revengeful woman. When I say suddenly, I mean it. It's OK for people to change. But not so suddenly.

Please give me your opinion about this: guess what she also did on facebook: she added a new friend: a guy my older sister was dating for 8 years. My sister broke up as soon as I met my girlfriend, 7 years ago. Hence my ex & this guy only met 1-2 times. She even roughly could remember what his name was -let alone what his last name was-.. So HOW they hell did she find him on Facebook, and WHY did she add him on her friend's list? This guy lives 500 miles far from where my family & my ex live, not a chance they had a mutual friend or something. They were complete strangers.. What is wrong with my ex?)

Sorry for the big post. It's just driving me crazy. I look forward to hear your thoughts.