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SF-BTA13 · Feb 4, 2009, 04:06 PM

Ok, so here's the story. I've known this girl for about 2 and half years. Were both in the Air Force, those of you that are in the service or are prior service know that a lot of the young airman coming in wind up getting married or have kids during their first term, or even during tech school. So her and I were stationed at our first base together. I've always had feelings for her, and over the time that I've known her we've become closer. So when we got to our first base she ended dating this jackass, she wound up getting pregnant and decided to get married. I knew it wouldn't work out, and I told her that. They are currently finalizing their divorce after only a year of being married. So now that she has a kid, and is in the process of a divorce I still find myself really attracted to her in ALL aspects. We get along GREAT. I talk to her about everyday at work, and time just flys by when we talk, it's sooo easy. So now my question is should I make a move? And if so, when? And how? We've always been a little flirty with each other, but I think I'm afraid I'm stuck in the friend zone now that I've know her for this long. I know risk and rewards go hand in hand and I'm willing to risk the friendship I have with her to be with her, but I want to do it right if I'm going to take the risk. Any advice/feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

rail1911 · Feb 4, 2009, 04:13 PM

Have you tried talking to her about how you feel? If not, meaby you should. If you don't want to take that approach, try stepping up the flirty stuff a little bit to hint that your interested. I understand that you two have been friends for a long time and that you don't want to mess that up but if you really feel for her that much the jump is worth taking the risk. If it doesn't work I'm sure that she would understand and over time you will be just as close as ever.
I hope this helps and Good luck!

SF-BTA13 · Feb 5, 2009, 09:38 AM

No, I haven't actually sat down with her and let her know how I feel. I think it's pretty obvious though, and I'm not an expert on body language but I think she feels the same way. Maybe I should get her something little for Valentines Day coming up?

rail1911 · Feb 5, 2009, 07:34 PM

I would give it a shot. I would suggest that you get her a "stupid" gift to help break the ice. Use your knowledge of her to get her something that will make her laugh but will also think is cute

Jake2008 · Feb 5, 2009, 08:23 PM

I think you are really sweet and thoughtful to be so considerate toward her, and to have stuck by her through her marriage.

Friendship is the best way to start a relationship, and you have done that. That comfort zone you feel is obviously shared by her. She is probably in the same boat as you, respecting the friendship, and wondering if anything more will happen.

I love the idea of getting her something for Valentine's Day. Use that to break the ice between friendship, and a relationship.

I really hope this works out for you.

SF-BTA13 · Feb 6, 2009, 11:06 AM

Guess I'll go shopping this weekend. Thank both of you for the advice! =)

slapshot_oi · Feb 6, 2009, 11:09 AM

The easiest way to tell if your in the friend-zone or not is if she's dropping signs showing her interest. Don't confuse that with her needing you, women will go to their friend-zoned dudes when they need them, not want them.

But, even if she does find you attractive time can surely kill it. It's happened to me.
Day 1: "Wow you're really cute..."
Day 432: "Aw! We're such good friends, if we're not hitched by 30 let's get married!"

SF-BTA13 · Feb 6, 2009, 11:48 AM

She doesn't come to me only when she needs me. She usually stops by daily just to sit and talk for a few minutes. And whenever I have the time to escape from my desk I'll go visit her and chat for a while.

slapshot_oi · Feb 6, 2009, 01:19 PM

And does she noticeably hit on you?

roxypox · Feb 6, 2009, 01:34 PM

Originally Posted by SF-BTA13

She doesn't come to me only when she needs me. She usually stops by daily just to sit and talk for a few minutes. And whenever I have the time to escape from my desk i'll go visit her and chat for a while.

That sounds like a good balance! ;)

Alty · Feb 6, 2009, 01:44 PM

Ask her how she feels, but remember that her divorce isn't final yet, she may not want to jump from the frying pan into the fire. This could be a rebound relationship, that's now what you want.

Be her friend, let her know that you have feelings for her but that you're patient and will wait until she's ready to date again.

If she says she's not interested then move on. She's going through a tough time right now, being her friend is the best thing you can do. :)

talaniman · Feb 6, 2009, 02:17 PM

She needs a lot of healing time, give it to her. If you can't handle friends, leave her alone.

SF-BTA13 · Feb 6, 2009, 03:38 PM

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Ask her how she feels, but remember that her divorce isn't final yet, she may not want to jump from the frying pan into the fire. This could be a rebound relationship, that's now what you want.

Be her friend, let her know that you have feelings for her but that you're patient and will wait until she's ready to date again.

If she says she's not interested then move on. She's going through a tough time right now, being her friend is the best thing you can do. :)

So you think I should just ask her to dinner and let her know how I feel?

You're right she is going through a tough time right now, but I don't think she is emotionally. I don't think she cares about him anymore, she is the one that asked for the divorce after she realized it wouldn't work out. She may not be ready to start seeing other people at the moment but I think she feels kind of alone now that he's gone. She has a girlfriend that she's moving in with though.

I've been her friend, and I'm positive she knows I have feelings for her. I haven't directly said it, but she's not dumb. And I think I've been pretty patient too, I've stood by while she dated guys, married, had a baby, and now through her divorce.

Also, as I said earlier were both in the Air Force. Were both coming up on our DEROS(time to change duty stations) and she's going back to Texas, and I'm either going to Portugal or back to Florida for my next assignment. We both leave at the same time in November. So, I don't want to rush things. But I don't want to take my time either and miss my opportunity. I'll never forgive myself if I don't at least give us a shot.

Jake2008 · Feb 6, 2009, 03:47 PM

Why not do both.

Take her out for dinner for Valentine's day.

Tell her straight up that you've shared a lot through the years, and value her friendship. Let her know simply that you would like to see the relationship go further.

Tell her you aren't going to pressure her, and you are obviously patient. Give her time, the option to just remain friends, but be honest and ask if there might be a chance at something more serious in the future.

That way she doesn't lose you, and may very well think about what she has to gain. Either way, you'll maintain a friendship.

Alty · Feb 6, 2009, 03:48 PM

Is there harm in trying? There could be. She may not care about her soon to be ex-husband anymore, but divorce is still stressful, no matter what the circumstances.

Like I said, tell her how you feel, but also tell her that you're in no rush to move things along, that you'll let her take the lead.

Until then, let her know that no matter what, she has a friend in you.

SF-BTA13 · Feb 6, 2009, 03:58 PM

Thank you both :) I will do both. But I think I'll do them separately. I think getting her something for Valentines Day, and taking her to dinner that night is a little bit much. Maybe I'll just get her something for Valentines day, and then take her to dinner the next weekend. Wish me luck! I'll let you know how it goes.

Alty · Feb 6, 2009, 04:15 PM

Originally Posted by SF-BTA13

Thank you both :) I will do both. But I think i'll do them separately. I think getting her something for Valentines Day, and taking her to dinner that night is a little bit much. Maybe i'll just get her something for Valentines day, and then take her to dinner the next weekend. Wish me luck! I'll let you know how it goes.

We'll be waiting for an update. Good luck. :)

SF-BTA13 · Feb 17, 2009, 05:59 PM

Ok, so I went out and bought her a little box of chocolates and a card. I was going to put it on her desk Friday, but she was in her office all day. So later that afternoon, I just walked over there and handed it to her. She was surprised and really happy. She said thanks, gave me a big hug, and said she felt loved. I'm pretty sure I was the only one that got her something for V-day. So I suppose it went good! =) I had lunch with her today at work. So I think my next step is to ask her if she wants to have dinner this next weekend. And I guess I'll just talk to her at dinner about how I feel.

Jake2008 · Feb 17, 2009, 07:13 PM

You ROCK SF-BTA13!!

As I was reading what you'd done, I couldn't help but think, if that were me, what a really beautiful and sweet thing to do. That took a great leap of faith and I am proud of you for breaking the ice!!

Nothing ventured, nothing gained as they say.

Way to go SF, I hope your dinner is even better than the lunch!! :D

SF-BTA13 · Feb 18, 2009, 09:36 AM

Thanks! :) I really hope the dinner goes good too.