Check out some similar questions!

tweetybyrd · Nov 23, 2008, 11:04 AM

My daugher is 9 yrs old. Her dad has not taken care of her in over 8 yrs. After we divorced, he went MIA. I started another relationship and had another daughter. This man has been there for her every since. This is who she knows as her dad. We separated about a year ago. He still takes care of almost her every need and she still calls him dad. My ex husband said he would not fight giving up his parental rights so her "dad" can adopt her. Her "dad' does want to adopt her. My question is, if we are not together, could he still adopt her?

Thanks for any help:confused:

JudyKayTee · Nov 23, 2008, 11:07 AM

Originally Posted by tweetybyrd

My daugher is 9 yrs old. Her dad has not taken care of her in over 8 yrs. After we divorced, he went MIA. I started another relationship and had another daughter. This man has been there for her every since. This is who she knows as her dad. We separated about a year ago. He still takes care of almost her every need and she still calls him dad. My ex husband said he would not fight giving up his parental rights so her "dad" can adopt her. Her "dad' does want to adopt her. My question is, if we are not together, could he still adopt her?

Thanks for any help:confused:

No. In order to adopt the adopting couple has to be in a stable marriage of over a year.

cadillac59 · Nov 23, 2008, 12:33 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

No. In order to adopt the adopting couple has to be in a stable marriage of over a year.

Of course, like almost everything else, adoption laws vary from state to state (didn't Arkansas recently adopt some outrageous and probably unconstitutional rule that gay people cannot adopt?). When you think about it, why should someone have to be married to adopt a child, let alone for some arbitrary one year period? I'm not saying it's not the law in NYS but it doesn't make any sense in my humble opinion.

stinawords · Nov 23, 2008, 01:31 PM

True this does vary some what by state however, in the majority of cases the couple does have to be married not separated but married. Are you legally separated or just informally? If you are legally separated then in most states the answer is a flat no he can't adopt. The reason the one year was put in place is to help protect the child from having a family torn apart. If a couple stays married for at least one year their chance of divorce drops (not as much as it used to) but it does. The courts job is to look out for the best interest of the child and according to laws (and I see why they were written like this) allowing an adoption when a divorce is on the horizon wouldn't be looking out for their best interest.

JudyKayTee · Nov 23, 2008, 01:56 PM

Originally Posted by stinawords

True this does vary some what by state however, in the majority of cases the couple does have to be married not separated but married. Are you legally separated or just informally? If you are legally separated then in most states the answer is a flat no he can't adopt. The reason the one year was put in place is to help protect the child from having a family torn apart. If a couple stays married for at least one year their chance of divorce drops (not as much as it used to) but it does. The courts job is to look out for the best interest of the child and according to laws (and I see why they were written like this) allowing an adoption when a divorce is on the horizon wouldn't be looking out for their best interest.

I took the "started another relationship" part to mean unmarried and now apart.

Although I must admit I sometimes can't really tell what the relationship is by the initial description.

stinawords · Nov 23, 2008, 03:25 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I took the "started another relationship" part to mean unmarried and now apart.

Although I must admit I sometimes can't really tell what the relationship is by the initial description.

Good point I just looked at the separated part and jumped to marriage. Even so in the states that don't require marriage require even more than one year in a stable relationship and being separated (from marriage or just dating) dosen't satisfy that either.

cdad · Nov 23, 2008, 04:16 PM

Also being separated / divorced then she too would have to give up her rights to the child so he ( the one she knows as dad ) could adopt. He would be a stand alone third party.

ATYOURSERVICE · Nov 23, 2008, 05:49 PM

This may help you:
http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwi...dterminall.pdf

Fr_Chuck · Nov 23, 2008, 06:11 PM

No, you will have to be living together in a stable relationship for him to adopt.

JudyKayTee · Nov 23, 2008, 06:27 PM

Originally Posted by ATYOURSERVICE

This may help you:
http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwi...dterminall.pdf

Please don't just post a site - if you would like to summarize the info and then post that is helpful to people; the vast majority of people who have questions are unable to locate the info themselves and that includes reading and digesting websites.

ATYOURSERVICE · Nov 23, 2008, 07:22 PM

This is not a site but a pdf. Did you take a look at it?
It shows the laws and requirements for each state.
This pdf may also be helpful to any other person in this same situation.

I am giving this lady and others here (unless minors) that they are intelligent enough to find information more specific to their needs, even if a site.

Fr_Chuck · Nov 23, 2008, 08:18 PM

Well actually the cut and paste has nothing to do with the actual question, they were asking about the adoption by a person who is no longer living together, the giving up of the rights was actually a secondary issue.

And while it may meet some actual legal issues, it is not of the practical, law in real life is not always what the book says, but what in practice the judges go.

ATYOURSERVICE · Nov 23, 2008, 09:32 PM

If non-married couples, singles, and homosexual couples can adopt now a days, I do not see why not. It is just what is in the interest of the child.
In order for him to adopt there needs to be steps.
The pdf will provide the information for the reasons to give up real dads' rights.
And then the other can adopt.

True Judges will make the decision, but they need the law to make or come to a decision.

"you do remember the law, don't you counselor?" Dansel Washington in Philadelphia.

stinawords · Nov 23, 2008, 10:10 PM

We still don't know what state this is in. Not all states allow non-married couple, singles, and homosexual couple to adopt. The fact is that they aren't together so can not adopt unless the mother is willing to give up her rights as well as pointed out earlier. The point of adoption is to give the child a stable home environment. If we don't know what state it is in we can go round and round endlessly because every state is different.

ATYOURSERVICE · Nov 24, 2008, 01:12 AM

This is true. Many of these legal questions rarely provide a state to reference. Thank you

tweetybyrd?

JudyKayTee · Nov 24, 2008, 06:34 AM

Originally Posted by ATYOURSERVICE

If non-married couples, singles, and homosexual couples can adopt now a days, I do not see why not. It is just what is in the interest of the child.
In order for him to adopt there needs to be steps.
The pdf will provide the information for the reasons to give up real dads' rights.
And then the other can adopt.

True Judges will make the decision, but they need the law to make or come to a decision.

"you do remember the law, don't you counselor?" Dansel Washington in Philadelphia.

I can answer the "why" part of this - because two people who do not live in the same residence, who are in fact "separated," do NOT provide a stable home environment for a child who is already in a situation where the two "parents" do not live in the same residence and are "separated." The Court can forsee the visitation and custody problems shaping up as the adoption takes place.

Singles can certainly adopt. I have no idea why you put homosexual and single couples in the same sentence - not the same legal concern. Singles who are half of a quasi couple - as far as my research is concerned - CANNOT legally adopt a child. One or the other can, of course. Both cannot adopt together.

As Stinawords said, more info needs to be posted.

And, yes, we all remember the Law. The vast majority of us don't get that knowledge from movies, with or without Denzel Washington. Or TV talk shows, either.

JudyKayTee · Nov 24, 2008, 06:48 AM

Originally Posted by ATYOURSERVICE

This is not a site but a pdf. Did you take a look at it?
It shows the laws and requirements for each state.
This pdf may also be helpful to any other person in this same situation.

I am giving this lady and others here (unless minors) that they are intelligent enough to find information more specific to their needs, even if a site.

What? This is posted on a Government web site. The format doesn't matter. It's a website. And, yes, I took a look at it. That's why I posted about "please" do not post sites.

Again - please post a specific answer and not a site. Or do both. People reading and posting on these threads very often can't understand those sites and that info, can't do their own research. That's why they are here.

You've posted some 178 times; I've posted over 8,000. If you read through the threads a question is posted, a very specific answer is given and the OP either out of upset over the situation or simply being unfamiliar with the law cannot understand and posts exactly the same question again.

tweetybyrd · Nov 24, 2008, 07:38 AM

I live in Georgia. I never married the man I was with for eight years. I have been remarried for over a year. The man I was with for eight years is now about to get married himself. We are still great friends. My nine year olds dad said he will not fight the adoption. He agrees because he is not trying to be a father to her. He has never been there for her and I guess he is not trying to be there for her. Im looking out for her best interest. If something were to happen to me, I need to know she is with someone who she loves and who loves her. Who is willing to take care of her and go to the end of the world for her. I have to children. One is by the man I was with for the eight years and the other is before we met. I don't want my girls split up if something happened to me.

JudyKayTee · Nov 24, 2008, 08:31 AM

Originally Posted by tweetybyrd

I live in Georgia. I never married the man I was with for eight years. I have been remarried for over a year. The man I was with for eight years is now about to get married himself. We are still great friends. My nine year olds dad said he will not fight the adoption. He agrees because he is not trying to be a father to her. He has never been there for her and I guess he is not trying to be there for her. Im looking out for her best interest. If something were to happen to me, I need to know she is with someone who she loves and who loves her. Who is willing to take care of her and go to the end of the world for her. I have to children. One is by the man I was with for the eight years and the other is before we met. I dont want my girls split up if something happened to me.

Again, an unmarried couple CANNOT adopt a child together. (If I understand this correctly you are interested in having your "ex" from an eight year relationship adopt your child or children.) If the father(s) consent your husband COULD adopt the child or children.

What you could do is consult with an Attorney and prepare a Will expressing your wishes for custody/guardianship of your children upon your death BUT the legal interest(s) of the father(s) will supersede your wishes. Your Will cannot come above the legal rights of the father(s) and those rights cannot be taken away from the father(s).

stinawords · Nov 24, 2008, 08:59 AM

There are two ways to do this. Either your husband can adopt and that would be pretty easy because her father is already willing to allow it. Or you can give up your rights to the child as well and the man you had only a relationship with can adopt her alone and be her only parent. As Judy said you can write in your will your wishes for the children but that is only a recommendation because children are not willable property. I'm sorry you are in this situation but that is the reality of what happens with half siblings.