[busterite]

I'm also assuming that it is tough for me just because this was my first attempt at a real relationship. The first girl I ever "loved". The manipulation just sucks.

I totally understand all you are saying. I am going through the same thing. It is really hard because at first you believe in it so much. And at the time you choose not too see all the red flags because its really hard admitting that something you believed in so much could have come out so wrong. Like you I was seeing someone else before I started dating my ex. At the time I was living in a flat with another 4 people, 1 of which was my ex. At the time she was dating someone else as was I. She then broke up with him and she started hanging out with me all the time. I was weirded out at first to be honest. I didn't have any feelings for her. This went on for some time but I didn't want anything to happen. I ended up falling in love with her. The point I am trying to make is that what she did with me 3 years ago is not far to what she did to me know (left me for someone else) so there are always red flags but sometimes the emotions take over and it is really hard to notice them. Now you knoe though and next time round it will be much easier to pick up on all that and not fall into a similar trap.

Just avoid Facebook. She clearly knows you will be checking and might even be trying to play games with you. If it appears as if you are totally over it then I would think its something that is bothering her but you shouldn't care about it. Keep it up and soon she will just give up. Let her do whatever she wants as long as you are not part of it. You were definitely the mature one in the relationship and proof of that is the way you are dealing with this. Just stay focused and you will be fine.

[FULLofRACQUET]

Thank you for the advice! That was a great post to read. I actually am doing a lot better today.

I have to see her again tomorrow for class, but I am starting to really see the bigger picture. She is a slu*t, and I am looking for something better than that. Let her continue to do these harmful things to herself, and I will continue to better my life both mentally and physically. I will continue pursuing my dreams while she is stuck in her revolving door of relationships and one night stands. And I think you are exactly right when you said that once she realizes that the little games that she is playing now don't bother me, she will eventually give up and forget about me, as I will be forgetting about her.

I am almost excited to have time to myself. I can get my life back in order and begin my new chapter. Let her get lost between the pages. Before her I loved the single life. I need to find that again, and I believe that once I get my mind is straight that I will find that again. Let her be tied down again already while I am free and enjoying the pleasures of life. It's time to take a stand and not allow her to wreck havoc on my life without even being present. Life is so much bigger than her. Cherish the good memories, but remember and learn from the bad memories. All of the memories are beginning to fade together actually.

I had lunch today with a woman who I have become good friends with these past couple weeks. I met her in class. Well, we began to talk about stuff like this and she really opened my eyes. She told me she got divorced after 7 years of marriage, but she knows that she doesn't need somebody to be happy. She is confident and moving on freely, even though this man cheated on her and then ended up moving in with his mistress after the divorce. Craziness.

I do believe seeing those pictures is actually making this easier for me. Now, I truly know what kind of person she is. A manipulative b*t*h. She doesn't deserve me glorifying her in my mind. She is scum to be able to do this to not only one person, but probably even more. Even though she is a poisonous person, I still wish that she will find her true happiness one day.

Hopefully this will be my last post about her. So, I figured I will get out everything that I have needed to say. She doesn't even deserve to be discussed about between such great people as yourselves. The ones that are here to help complete strangers through troubling times. It's a pity that people like her exist, but it's great that there are people like you to counteract her destructive ways. Thank you to everybody that has taken the time to help me and support me with such heartfelt responses.

I hopefully will be able to pay all of you back in one way or another. As of right now, I'm going to pay you back by becoming a stronger and better man from this experience, and I will continue my pursuit of happiness without her as a mental road block. It's probably easier said than done, but I believe writing it almost makes it like a contract for myself.

Thanks again everybody! And I wish you all a happy and prosperous life. I will still be around, trying to help others out of their ruts, but I now believe it would be best for me to put this thread to rest (personally) and allow it to be here as a reference for others that might be going through similar situations.

[Ithappenstoall]

That s the Spirit keep it up... HURRAH

[Ash123]

Dude, that was not a relationship.

BUT YOU ARE EXCUSED! It was your first "serious" girlfriend - and it is a learning experience! And what you are SUPPOSED to do:
Try. And learn.
Fail. And get back up. That's part of life. And why we are all here.

Hey, only one girl will be the one - and the more you learn the better you'll get at finding her.
And not let some sexy drunk make you lose your head trying to keep up with her to keep a relationship going.

But enough is enough. This is a win-win for you. You have lost nothing -- except insanity.

That was sex for hire with a nutty ho'.

You should have left $100 on the bed and changed your number.

There is not ONE thing that made her eligible for a girlfriend. I know you are feeling hurt a bit still but you will be FINE!

You lost nothing on this relationship. Imagine if she was an Ivy League student, who was sexy and also the coolest girl you and your parents ever knew - and was a model citizen and your best friend. Farfetched? Well... at least see if you can raise the bar my man.

NC? NC Whatever... You can pen her in for NC4EVER. She is a ZERO. If you contact her again, then you shouldn't be mad at her -
You should be mad at yourself...

[FULLofRACQUET]

Hey, thanks Ash! I have read a lot of your posts, and you seem to have a fairly good idea of what the best thing is for people. I hold you in high regards. I definitely kept going back to your break-up survivor guide, which by the way is phenomenal reading for anybody that is going through a breakup, especially a rough one.

Can you take a look at my other post and let me know what you think of my progress so far? It's been pretty much exactly a month since she broke up with me.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ed-254013.html

Thanks ASH!

[hjpan]

Thank you for the advice! That was a great post to read. I actually am doing a lot better today.

I have to see her again tomorrow for class, but I am starting to really see the bigger picture. She is a slu*t, and I am looking for something better than that. Let her continue to do these harmful things to herself, and I will continue to better my life both mentally and physically. I will continue pursuing my dreams while she is stuck in her revolving door of relationships and one night stands. And I think you are exactly right when you said that once she realizes that the little games that she is playing now don't bother me, she will eventually give up and forget about me, as I will be forgetting about her.

I am almost excited to have time to myself. I can get my life back in order and begin my new chapter. Let her get lost between the pages. Before her I loved the single life. I need to find that again, and I believe that once I get my mind is straight that I will find that again. Let her be tied down again already while I am free and enjoying the pleasures of life. It's time to take a stand and not allow her to wreck havoc on my life without even being present. Life is so much bigger than her. Cherish the good memories, but remember and learn from the bad memories. All of the memories are beginning to fade together actually.

I had lunch today with a woman who I have become good friends with these past couple weeks. I met her in class. Well, we began to talk about stuff like this and she really opened my eyes. She told me she got divorced after 7 years of marriage, but she knows that she doesn't need somebody to be happy. She is confident and moving on freely, even though this man cheated on her and then ended up moving in with his mistress after the divorce. Craziness.

I do believe seeing those pictures is actually making this easier for me. Now, I truly know what kind of person she is. A manipulative b*t*h. She doesn't deserve me glorifying her in my mind. She is scum to be able to do this to not only one person, but probably even more. Even though she is a poisonous person, I still wish that she will find her true happiness one day.

Hopefully this will be my last post about her. So, I figured I will get out everything that I have needed to say. She doesn't even deserve to be discussed about between such great people as yourselves. The ones that are here to help complete strangers through troubling times. It's a pity that people like her exist, but it's great that there are people like you to counteract her destructive ways. Thank you to everybody that has taken the time to help me and support me with such heartfelt responses.

I hopefully will be able to pay all of you back in one way or another. As of right now, I'm going to pay you back by becoming a stronger and better man from this experience, and I will continue my pursuit of happiness without her as a mental road block. It's probably easier said than done, but I believe writing it almost makes it like a contract for myself.

Thanks again everybody! And I wish you all a happy and prosperous life. I will still be around, trying to help others out of their ruts, but I now believe it would be best for me to put this thread to rest (personally) and allow it to be here as a reference for others that might be going through similar situations.

Enjoy your next relationships :)

I'll be dwelling on alcohol and cigarettes...
Found out a few days ago... that one of the girls' who liked me "a lot" is actually committed to someone else...

Yep~ my relationship FUQING SUCKS... I wonder why girls mess with my mind and heart...

[FULLofRACQUET]

There is no rhyme or reason, man. I have found some positive outlets recently that have been helping me feel more confident and healthier, both physically and mentally.

I have cut my drinking down to the point where I might have 3 beers a week. For some reason, when I drink, I think of my lush of an ex, and realize that this was one of the problems of our relationship. I was trying to cut back my drinking, but she needed alcohol to have confidence and feel good about herself. She started to drag me back into drinking, but now I have complete control over my actions.

Now, I get up every morning and go run hills. There is this giant hill right behind where I live and I'll throw on some tunes and sprint up the hill, and then do pushups once I get to the top, and then repeat until I am on the verge of falling over. It's pretty intense, but I have been feeling so much better physically, and the woman have been noticing. Also, I got a library card and I have been going at least 5 hours a week and getting lost in knowledge and things that I enjoy.

Also, I don't get on Facebook or myspace, which has freed up A LOT of my time for focusing on school. It also doesn't allow me to know what my ex is doing with her new boy. What you don't know won't hurt you.

From reading a lot of stories and advice columns, I have realized that if you take this time that you don't have somebody to improve yourself into the person that you would be proud of, then you will be sure to find somebody that respects you and wants to know more about you. Maybe even the "one"?

Here, I am going to make a pact for myself, and for other people to see that it is possible, even if it's tough to get over an ex with leaps and bounds.
For one month:
I will not get on Facebook or myspace.
I will put on 4 pounds of muscle.
I will read 3 books that interest me.
I will do all of my work for school (on time) :).
I will talk to one stranger (preferably a woman) a day.
I will go out and do something new once a week (concert, festival, club, museum, etc.).

I'm going to keep everyone updated on my progress. Now that I have so much time for myself, it should be EASY to accomplish a lot of these things. This will be extremely useful for me and hopefully it will give some motivation to those that need a little boost. I just read on another post it's like a before and after when you go back and read your progress through time and posts. Well, this will be my new BEFORE and I can't wait to see the AFTER.

[FULLofRACQUET]

This NC stuff really does work!!
I haven't spoken to my ex for 2 WEEKS and 2 DAYS! And that is with seeing her in my class.
It has been so much easier to move on! I have been truly enjoying my life recently.
I went and saw Foo Fighters the other night and I was only 6 rows up, center. It was incredible. I have also been meeting with a woman once a week for breakfast and we discuss life and the deeper meaning, and it is incredible at how much she has healed me through words. What an amazing friend she is. Just imagine if I still was with my ex. There would be no way that I would be having this much fun. Also, I have been realizing that there are still people out there that are honest and trustworthy, and overall good people.

I have picked up two books to read, and now I am getting ready to go for a run in the park. I haven't checked facebok or myspace for 3 days, and it's getting easier with each day. I am moving this weekend as well, and I have a little road trip planned to go see some friends for their birthdays. Things seem to be getting brighter each day.

For anyone that is having problems and feels like that it's the end of the world, it truly is not. Just put a smile on your face and realize that the past no longer exists, and the future doesn't exist, there is only now, so enjoy it!!

I hope everyone is having a wonderful week thus far!

[nickshehe]

If I hadn't been dumped I wouldn'tve gone to three radiohead gigs in the space of 10 days, as well as rock werchter (4 day festival in belgium).. Best summer of my life :D

[FULLofRACQUET]

Well, here is an update!

I got my new place, and I am loving it! Right in the city. I have been working out everyday and I'm starting to see some results from that. Also, I changed my diet and I've been feeling great. I have also been working harder in school, which is starting to really pay off.

I have spoken to my EX a couple of times though. One night she text me telling me she met one of my friends and that he is so nice. I wrote back, "Yeah he's a cool kid."
Then the next day, at school, I see her and her new boyfriend together. I see him first and he was going to ignore me, but I was mature and said hey because I knew him before all of this. Then I was sitting on a couch talking to one of my friends and she comes up and sits next to me, without her boyfriend. She again tells me that she met my friend. All I did was ask her how my friend was doing. I knew she was trying to get a rise out of me, or maybe ask her where she was when this happened, but I didn't fold. I graciously ignored her then and went back to talking to my friend.

I also found out that this project that I am going to be working on, she is going to be working on. Actually, there are two projects.

I feel like I am being very mature about the whole thing, and I am moving on. But...

Yesterday, she text one of my good friends who also knows her and her new boyfriend fairly well. She apologized to him for what she did to me. What does that mean?

[hjpan]

Well, here is an update!

I got my new place, and I am loving it! Right in the city. I have been working out everyday and I'm starting to see some results from that. Also, I changed my diet and I've been feeling great. I have also been working harder in school, which is starting to really pay off.

I have spoken to my EX a couple of times though. One night she text me telling me she met one of my friends and that he is so nice. I wrote back, "Yeah he's a cool kid."
Then the next day, at school, I see her and her new boyfriend together. I see him first and he was going to ignore me, but I was mature and said hey because I knew him before all of this. Then I was sitting on a couch talking to one of my friends and she comes up and sits next to me, without her boyfriend. She again tells me that she met my friend. All I did was ask her how my friend was doing. I knew she was trying to get a rise out of me, or maybe ask her where she was when this happened, but I didn't fold. I graciously ignored her then and went back to talking to my friend.

I also found out that this project that I am going to be working on, she is going to be working on. Actually, there are two projects.

I feel like I am being very mature about the whole thing, and I am moving on. But...

Yesterday, she text one of my good friends who also knows her and her new boyfriend fairly well. She apologized to him for what she did to me. What does that mean?

Sounds like she's trying to stir up some trouble with you & your friends

[FULLofRACQUET]

I agree.

My EX loves having an affect on people, whether it's good or bad. I just don't play any of her games anymore, and it seems like it's driving her nuts. I'm not doing it intentionally though, I'm just moving on with my life, but she obviously still needs me to show that she has an affect on me. It's weird stuff. She has a new boyfriend who she is obviously enjoying, why not just focus on that? I don't care anymore. I'm happy being single. I'm really taking the time to improve myself and fix the things that I feel like I have neglected. It's great.

This is the first time that I have laughed to myself about the whole situation. The stuff that happened is so crazy that it's just funny!!

[hjpan]

I agree.

My EX loves having an affect on people, whether it's good or bad. I just don't play any of her games anymore, and it seems like it's driving her nuts. I'm not doing it intentionally though, I'm just moving on with my life, but she obviously still needs me to show that she has an affect on me. It's weird stuff. She has a new boyfriend who she is obviously enjoying, why not just focus on that? I don't care anymore. I'm happy being single. I'm really taking the time to improve myself and fix the things that I feel like I have neglected. It's great.

This is the first time that I have laughed to myself about the whole situation. The stuff that happened is so crazy that it's just funny!!!

Try to get your friend away from her... LOL

Seems like she's trying to "guilt-trip" you.. as well as manipulate your friendship

[FULLofRACQUET]

There is this girl that has entered into my life recently, and she is fantastic. The kind of girl that I have always been looking for. Completely laid back, funny, laughs a lot, comfortable with who she is. We get along extremely well, but today I got a nice piece of news. She has a boyfriend of 5 years. :) DARN! I'll still be friendly, but I'm definitely going to tone it down, because I don't want to be one of those guys. If it was meant to be then it will be... right? Ugh! It's just frustrating. I thought she would be the light that sparks me once again. Oh well, it's still nice to see that there are girls like her still out there.

Hope everyone has a fantastic weekend.

[hjpan]

There is this girl that has entered into my life recently, and she is fantastic. The kind of girl that I have always been looking for. Completely laid back, funny, laughs a lot, comfortable with who she is. We get along extremely well, but today I got a nice piece of news. She has a boyfriend of 5 years. :) DARN! I'll still be friendly, but I'm definitely going to tone it down, because I don't want to be one of those guys. If it was meant to be then it will be...right? Ugh! It's just frustrating. I thought she would be the light that sparks me once again. Oh well, it's still nice to see that there are girls like her still out there.

Hope everyone has a fantastic weekend.

Don't give up yet!
There are other girls around :D!

My parents and parents' friends all tell me to "let the fish come to the bait" and not "the bait come to the fish."

Sounds weird.. it's an ancient chinese metaphorical sayings xD

[FULLofRACQUET]

What craziness it has been.
Post breakups are ridiculously amusing to some extent.

Well, the girl I recently met who has a boyfriend... she's crazy! I have to work with her on a project, so we have a meeting, just her and I before we have to meet with other people. She tells me her entire life story, including all of her personal sex stories it felt like. She has a boyfriend! So I didn't ask, or pry. I was just talking normal stuff, and she dives into her sex life. Why am I attracted to crazies? :) jk. I'm not pursuing AT ALL, but I have to work with her for the next couple weeks. Should be interesting...

I still see my ex on a regular basis, and only talk to her when it involves work. She has moved on with her new boy just as fast as we moved in our relationship. Already giving and receiving the "I love you's" She doesn't contact me, and I don't contact her. I'm friends with both of them on Facebook, and when stuff pops up about them loving each other SO MUCH, it doesn't bother me as much anymore. I'm actually happy they found happiness, because they truly do seem to have a lot in common and the connection definitely seems to be there. And I try to say that with sincerity :)

I would be lying if I said that it didn't hurt a little bit to see her moving on so quickly, but I am doing better about putting that in the past.

I have been finding it easier to move on with each day. I have reached my goals so far that I set for myself. Working out everyday, eating healthier, talking to more people, reading more books, trying new things, enjoying life pretty much, and I feel like my inner self has grown a lot, and I feel like I am almost to the point where I would be healthy enough to go back to dating. We'll see...

I was actually thinking of asking a girl out that is quite the doll. She is one of the sweetest woman I have ever met, and she is beautiful! There is an age difference, so that is my only hesitation. She is about 8 years older than I am, but when we hang out we get along great! Maybe take the chance? We'll see with that as well...

I hope everyone has been doing great!

[hjpan]

What craziness it has been.
Post breakups are ridiculously amusing to some extent.

Well, the girl I recently met who has a boyfriend...she's crazy! I have to work with her on a project, so we have a meeting, just her and I before we have to meet with other people. She tells me her entire life story, including all of her personal sex stories it felt like. She has a boyfriend! So I didn't ask, or pry. I was just talking normal stuff, and she dives into her sex life. Why am I attracted to crazies? :) jk. I'm not pursuing AT ALL, but I have to work with her for the next couple weeks. Should be interesting...

I still see my ex on a regular basis, and only talk to her when it involves work. She has moved on with her new boy just as fast as we moved in our relationship. Already giving and receiving the "I love you's" She doesn't contact me, and I don't contact her. I'm friends with both of them on facebook, and when stuff pops up about them loving each other SO MUCH, it doesn't bother me as much anymore. I'm actually happy they found happiness, because they truly do seem to have a lot in common and the connection definitely seems to be there. And I try to say that with sincerity :)

I would be lying if I said that it didn't hurt a little bit to see her moving on so quickly, but I am doing better about putting that in the past.

I have been finding it easier to move on with each day. I have reached my goals so far that I set for myself. Working out everyday, eating healthier, talking to more people, reading more books, trying new things, enjoying life pretty much, and I feel like my inner self has grown a lot, and I feel like I am almost to the point where I would be healthy enough to go back to dating. We'll see...

I was actually thinking of asking a girl out that is quite the doll. She is one of the sweetest woman I have ever met, and she is beautiful! There is an age difference, so that is my only hesitation. She is about 8 years older than I am, but when we hang out we get along great! Maybe take the chance? We'll see with that as well...

I hope everyone has been doing great!

There is a girl who is onto me but the age difference is 6/7 years..

I'm 19, turning 20... she's 13, turning 14.