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Jpollock · Jan 25, 2013, 11:31 PM

Hi everyone! I recently started dating a great guy (5 months ago). He is 36 and I'm 28. He had a daughter and got married very young (18 years old), he ended up raising his daughter by himself from the time she was about 4 years old. His daughter is now 18 years old. I've met her briefly 3 or 4 times. My question is: how do I get to know her and get along with her without seeming like I'm trying to be her mother OR her friend? I'd like to have a good relationship with her, as her dad and her are very close. I love that he is such a good father and really respect him for that, so I'd really like to get to know his daughter. Any tips?

Homegirl 50 · Jan 25, 2013, 11:38 PM

You're only 5 months in the relationship and as she is 18, this all depends on her. Invite her out for a meal or something and see how it goes. Have you told him that you want to know his daughter better? What does he say?
This is a young relationship, I say work on that. The friendship with the daughter may come eventually

Jpollock · Jan 25, 2013, 11:44 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

You're only 5 months in the relationship and as she is 18, this all depends on her. Invite her out for a meal or something and see how it goes. Have you told him that you want to know his daughter better? What does he say?
This is a young relationship, I say work on that. The friendship with the daughter may come eventually

Thank you, that seems very reasonable - I know it's a new relationship, but as his daughter lives with him, and they are very close, I feel like I should make a good effort to get to know her. She has suggested that the three of us go for dinner, and I told him I would really like that. I find I get really nervous around her though; even though he tells me to just be myself, I get nervous and almost shy... I've never been in a situation like this before!

Homegirl 50 · Jan 25, 2013, 11:55 PM

Then do it on her terms. Go out, the three of you. If she wants a one one with you she will let you know. Probably when you are together longer the both of you will be more comfortable.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 26, 2013, 02:07 AM

You try by not trying, just be yourself, talk and leave it at that, don't give advice, don't try to act like a mother, be there but don't try to push for a relatonship

joypulv · Jan 26, 2013, 06:14 AM

If you are nervous and shy, that is a lot more endearing (in my mind) that overdoing it and trying too hard. You could even say so. I think you will be fine. You could mainly just listen and answer questions, and volunteer a bit about yourself once in a while, and not ask too much about her.

You sound like a very understanding woman. The fact that she wants to have dinner is a heck of a lot more than a lot of teens want when their dads find someone new. Many are spitting nails before they even meet.