[Cronoan]

Hi all, I'm hoping I can get some advice here and I'd really appreciate it. My boyfriend of about 7 months is in a long rut unrelated to our relationship. I should mention this has been a thriving long distance relationship. So he lost his job 4 months ago which I know is a very difficult thing for a man. He's 36 and lives in Los Angeles so he took a major hit to his self esteem I think. On top of it, he found out he's diabetic and was forced to borrow several grand from his family to pay for his living expenses for a month.

Basically we went from a great relationship of laughter and good times to him being completely downcast and sullen. He doesn't engage me at all no matter what we do together, and when I ask what's the matter he says nothing everything's fine. When I ask about his day, he says it was okay and doesn't elaborate. He's become a zombie.

He's got a new job that he's been with for about a month now, and it's way better for him than his old one. Yet there's no change in his attitude. He's willing to spend time with me, he just doesn't have any fun at all no matter what. We watch movies, play video games together, and share books. Always the same attitude, no smile, no laughter. I can't understand why there's no change.

Here's what I have been doing to handle it. I've just been being myself, cutting up having a good time, bringing our friends along on some of our escapades to lighten the mood. I ask about his day, I tell him how great mine was and why, I tell him how much he means to me, what I think makes him special and wonderful, and it's all true. He is an amazing person. I try not to show how depressing I feel just being around him in his mood, but I'm sleeping more lately. I'm reaching the limits of how long I can handle this attitude and I don't know how to be patient.

We have talked about it recently in the last few weeks and he agrees it's a problem and wants to be happy again. But he doesn't seem to think he can. He says he'll try to get us back to where we were. He'll try to be happy again. I just don't understand. I make the most out of every day, life's too short not to make your own happiness from the tiiest things. Even when my mom died, or now when I can't find work myself, I can lean on him and everything is still good. There are good things to be happy for. He says this perspective is brilliant, but he doesn't know if he can adopt it. What should I do? I'm sinking into depression slowly myself now.

7 months seems like a short time, but this is the most wonderful relationship I've ever known. I want to hold it together if we at all can. I just need a perspective adjustment myself, and some encouragement as well. I need to be the strong one right now, and I can't seem to find the strength when I remember how much he used to laugh, how impossible it used to be to shut him up cause he was so happy.

[C0bra_M3nace]

I just need a perspective adjustment myself, and some encouragement as well.

It's not you that needs a perspective adjustment, it's him.

It may be the most wonderful relationship you've ever known, but at what cost? If he's bringing you down and making life miserable for you and won't change, you need to do something about it because eventually you too will be that lifeless and boring zombie.