[raam1111]

Hey, I'm 18 years old, bisexual and secretly in love for 4 years with a boy who was in my school, he is in my age. It all started at the ninth grade, I know him since the first grade and haven't noticed him since then (he is very good-looking, muscular boy).I was very confused because he was the first man I had a crash on, after a few crushes on girls. I didn't know what to do so I decided to keep it to myself, "It will pass...”

Time passed and on the tenth grade I started to notice the he was staring at me every time I passed by. In addition, I heard from my friends, strangers and even his friends that he is bisexual or gay, but they don't know it for sure. (I must say that I do not act "feminine"... but I do act like a weird shy person) these news made me very happy, but I couldn't know for sure whether he was gay, bisexual or straight. In the middle of the tenth grade he sent to me a message on Facebook telling me that he wants to start playing an online game which I have been playing. That was weird because I never talk about my games. Even my best friends don't know what online games I play because none of them is a “gamer". I was completely confused but extremely happy!

We played together for 1 month. But because of the problems that game had, which made me and him very frustrated, I decided to "postpone" our playing, and he agreed. I was a little bit down because we didn't keep in touch. On the beginning of senior year (after a year and a half of still loving him secretly) I heard that he has a girlfriend from my friend. I was completely devastated but relieved, because I could, for the first time in 3 years, be free and start new relationship. It was really hard to get over him but after a few months "I could see the light at the end of the tunnel", until he sent me that message again, saying that he wants to return playing that game again. I was really down because all of my problems and feelings came out when I saw this message. Not knowing what he wants, I agreed.

We have been playing for 4 months, and this time it was a lot different. The first month he was very interested in my life, he even forced me to convince my job manager to employ him. But, unfortunately, he left after 2 days of work because he had to practice for his new soccer season. And on one night that we played together he told me that his girlfriend dumped him today after 7-8 months that they were together, I was overwhelmed because he looked completely OK with it, EVEN MORE than OK. Although everyone told that he was crazy about her. Mm from my point of view our friendship doesn't look like a normal friendship between 2 man... we talk everyday although school is over, and he ALWAYS initiates the conversations because I'm too shy or afraid to disturb him because I think that he is always busy, and he even sends message at 3 am just to know how I am when we don't talk all day. Lately, we almost never play we just talk.

I really love him but I'm so tired of these games, I don't know what he wants from me everything he does and tells me makes me think 82739487239 hours after that. I'm so exhausted from waiting all day long at home for his message. I really don't know what to do. I don't want to scare him away, and I know that I can't force him to come out. Maybe starting this relationship of "friendship" it's his move and he is waiting for mine? I want to tell him my sexual orientation but I'm too afraid that he might spread the word and it will get to my close friends and that's not the way I want them to find out because I think that my friends and I are not fully ready for this. I have recently come out to one of my friends because I couldn't keep it to myself anymore, she accepted me, but we almost never talk about it and it makes me feel more alone.

[Fr_Chuck]

No, you appear obsessed, but since you have not even dated, you are not in love, as you grow older and understand your emotions you will know the difference

If you are that shy, expect and get used to being alone and never really dating. Sorry but you are going to have to ask, going to have to be honest.

Next most "gay" or bi sexual people don't look any different than anyone else. And bi will of course date boys and girls, just like you were dating girls.

If you were friends all these years, and if after this time you can't be honest about sexual status, (bi) then he is not a real friend and you are not close.

[talaniman]

The mind games are played by you on yourself as you have had many chances to ask how he feels about sexual orientation in general, but have not.

Another thing is if you are to shy to do as he does, ask about HIS life, then don't blame him for the games YOU play. Maybe he is just a friend, but how will you know without being honest yourself? Shy is no excuse after knowing someone for YEARS.