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flower81 · Jul 20, 2011, 09:13 AM

This is really puzzling me...
At the moment I'm feeling abit insecure about my looks, weight etc.. And I told my husband and I got nothing out of him.. he didn't try make me feel better.. So I told him that he sucks at this and he sort of agreed.. what is wrong with him?!

Also before hand I wrote him an email to express how I'm feeling and he didn't even acknowledge it or speak to me about it. His reasoning was - well you said what you have to say.

He is normal?

JudyKayTee · Jul 20, 2011, 09:17 AM

He's a man - men tend to deal with things on a different level than women.

I think you need to be more comfortable with yourself instead of expecting him to make you feel better.

You write him an email that you feel insecure about your looks and weight? What was it that you were hoping to get from him?

I would TALK to my husband. I wouldn't write him an email. We live together and face various concerns and problems, all of them face to face. Why the email?

Are you very clingy or insecure? Maybe he doesn't know what you want him to say.

You had a problem with communication in May of this year, before you (apparently) got married because he was your partner in May - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ks-574189.html. How did you resolve that conflict?

You had a problem in September 2010 - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/marria...nd-509409.html. (He was your husband then.) How did you resolve that conflict?

And in November 2008 - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ht-280362.html. Enough looking at old threads you've opened. I think you get the idea.

I see a lot of need on your part. I think unless you come to grips with your insecurities you are going to drive this man away.

flower81 · Jul 20, 2011, 09:21 AM

Im usually very secure about myself.. but I have put on abit of weight and had a baby 1 year ago and I feel my body isn't the same.. When he is abit typsy he says I still look great and what not , but why only when he is typsy he says nice things?

I didn't only write the email about my insecurities but about some other issues. I wrote it because I felt it was the best way I could express myself to him as I find it hard to say what I really mean when I'm upset or angry.

flower81 · Jul 20, 2011, 09:21 AM

Yes that was dealt with :)

JudyKayTee · Jul 20, 2011, 09:23 AM

I don't think all of the issues were dealt with - no from what I'm reading.

Have you talked to a third party about the problems in your relationship?

flower81 · Jul 20, 2011, 09:23 AM

I suggested marriage counselling and his exact words were - I Don't NEED COUNSELLING

JudyKayTee · Jul 20, 2011, 09:24 AM

Just because he won't go doesn't mean you can't go - work on yourself. Let him decide what to do after you are more secure.

flower81 · Jul 20, 2011, 09:26 AM

But can't a man pass a compliment to his wife every now and then or tell her he loves her!

JudyKayTee · Jul 20, 2011, 09:50 AM

Apparently your man can't - or he won't when it's demanded of him.

Or maybe he doesn't see anything to compliment you on.

This is the old "Do these jeans make my butt look big?" line. If your husband thinks they do, hopefully he will tell you. Don't ask a question if you don't want an honest answer.