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SAJ_Fells · Jul 14, 2011, 01:55 PM

Hi everyone.

I'm Justin. I have a situation. I have recently (about 3 months ago), met the best girl I could ever ask for. We're together and I feel she could be the love of my life. I haven't cheated at her, but I've had sexual desires every day. But the problem lies here. She's a virgin. I love having sex. She's willing to give me sex, but that's impossible being that we're 3 hours apart. I have no car at the moment, and I start college next month. I really REALLY don't want to hurt her at ALL, but I know the temptations of having sex in college may be too much to bare, especially with the people I hang out with. She's too far away to get it when I want it, and being on campus will be more convenient for me to get sex from somebody, even though I want nothing more from them. She's planning on attending the same college as me next year, (I wouldn't be here if she was coming with me this year), but that doesn't help me for this year. What should I do?

talaniman · Jul 14, 2011, 04:09 PM

Think with the big head, not the little one.

If you can't resist temptation, then you fall for anything.

Imagine being a lying cheater, and explaining it to her.

Don't even try making excuses for bad behavior.

Be honest and dump her, and tell her you have no control over where your pecker wants to explore.

Your choice.

Fr_Chuck · Jul 14, 2011, 07:58 PM

If you have such little self respect and self control to just sleep around with any temptation you find.

Of course you can be true and not have sex, it sounds like you are far to obsessed with sex.

mj808 · Jul 16, 2011, 07:21 AM

You are in a tough position and I'm glad you are at least giving it some thought. It all boils down to this: Who/What do you love more? Her or sex? If you choose her you MUST be faithful and avoid temptation. It will be hard but if she is worth it then the payoff will be wonderful.

If you think you can't do that then do yourselves favor and leave before you do something you WILL regret. Its not fair to her if you become a lying cheat, especially if she loves you. You will emotionally damage her and sometimes people never fully recover from that. But if you leave before your little head gets you in trouble she will probably recover a little better.

JudyKayTee · Jul 16, 2011, 07:26 AM

Originally Posted by SAJ_Fells

She's a virgin. I love having sex. She's willing to give me sex, but that's impossible being that we're 3 hours apart. ... I really REALLY don't want to hurt her at ALL, but I know the temptations of having sex in college may be too much to bare, especially with the people I hang out with. She's too far away to get it when I want it, and being on campus will be more convenient for me to get sex from somebody, even though I want nothing more from them. She's planning on attending the same college as me next year, (I wouldn't be here if she was coming with me this year), but that doesn't help me for this year. What should I do??

Let's see, where to start?

She's a virgin, she's willing to "give" you sex and you're "willing" to take her virginity even though you doubt you can be faithful to her.

I see a lot about when YOU want sex, when someone will allow you to "get" sex from them when you "want" it.

That's just for starters.

I'd stay away from virgins because this girl is going to be emotionally hurt. I'd also grow up and stop thinking about sex as a solo adventure and start thinking about your partner's needs and wants.

I'd also invest in a big box of condoms.

SAJ_Fells · Jul 16, 2011, 09:11 AM

Is it OK that she has come to understand me, and this problem, and has allowed us to be in an open relationship ONLY this year, as long as I tell her everything, and don't fall for another girl? Again, we're going to be together next year, If God allows us to live that long.

JudyKayTee · Jul 16, 2011, 10:10 AM

She is willing to stay in a relationship with a man who is risking getting another woman pregnant AND catching an STD because he has a "problem" involving keeping his pants on?

And she wants you to tell her everything?

And you reference God in this scenario?

I think you and your girlfriend may very well deserve each other. I can't imagine either one of you finding anyone else on these terms.

SAJ_Fells · Jul 16, 2011, 10:14 AM

I'm getting a bad vybe from you Judy.

SAJ_Fells · Jul 16, 2011, 10:15 AM

Let's see, where to start?

She's a virgin, she's willing to "give" you sex and you're "willing" to take her virginity even though you doubt you can be faithful to her.

I see a lot about when YOU want sex, when someone will allow you to "get" sex from them when you "want" it.

That's just for starters.

I'd stay away from virgins because this girl is going to be emotionally hurt. I'd also grow up and stop thinking about sex as a solo adventure and start thinking about your partner's needs and wants.

I'd also invest in a big box of condoms.

Um, I don't question that I can stay faithful if she was HERE. I can stay faithful, that's not the problem. The distance is the problem. Just thought you should understand that.

talaniman · Jul 16, 2011, 10:38 AM

The distance isn't the problem, you are the problem. We thought that you should know and understand that.

I mean you are responsible for your own actions aren't you? Or are you saying that the distance is your excuse for bad behavior??

JudyKayTee · Jul 16, 2011, 11:23 AM

Originally Posted by SAJ_Fells

I'm getting a bad vybe from you Judy.

No, you're getting an honest answer, one apparently you can't understand and/or live with.

Or don't pregnancy and STDs exist in your part of the World?

Your girlfriend should also pray (as long as you brought up religion) that she never gets pregnant, sick or disabled - no question you'll leave dust in your wake.

SAJ_Fells · Jul 16, 2011, 11:28 AM

Um, Yea, That's Why I don't Just Lay Around With Every and Anybody. You're so one-streamed minded. Yes, I admit I have a sex problem, but I have NEVER cheated on ANYONE. So please tell me that I'm wrong again. Go ahead. I came here for some good advice, not for someone to judge or bash me. You can call it the honest truth, but apparently you have no consideration of anyone's feelings, you just Speak! Your probably way older than me so I'm going to respect you as an elder, but I won't allow anyone to run over me just because I have a problem.

SAJ_Fells · Jul 16, 2011, 11:31 AM

How am I the problem? I have a problem, yes. Have I cheated before, no. Do I know what to expect with college and the temptations? No. That's the issue! Yea, I thought you should know that. And please tell me what's my bad behavior? Having sex? Yea OK, but just because I like sex doesn't mean it's with EVERYBODY! Man you people have issues of your own I see.

JudyKayTee · Jul 16, 2011, 11:34 AM

[I][SAJ FELLS] Um, Yea, That's Why I don't Just Lay Around With Every and Anybody. You're so one-streamed minded. Yes, I admit I have a sex problem, but I have NEVER cheated on ANYONE. So please tell me that I'm wrong again. Go ahead. I came here for some good advice, not for someone to judge or bash me. You can call it the honest truth, but apparently you have no consideration of anyone's feelings, you just Speak! Your probably way older than me so I'm going to respect you as an elder, but I won't allow anyone to run over me just because I have a problem.

From what I'm reading you do lay around with anybody and everybody - or at least that's your plan. So you DO use at least forms of birth control and are regularly tested for STDs?

As far as age is concerned - don't respect me as your elder. Respect me because I can actually spell.

For example, it's vibe.

SAJ_Fells · Jul 16, 2011, 11:58 AM

She is willing to stay in a relationship with a man who is risking getting another woman pregnant AND catching an STD because he has a "problem" involving keeping his pants on?

Woooahhh, Please don't go there talking about you can spell. Ha!

This little editor thing has a spell check, besides your grammar isn't correct as it seems is it?

Catching "an" STD? Do you mean "a" STD? Yea. I'll past, you just lost all my respect.

Seems to me you people think when someone says they likes to have sex, that means its automatically with 30 people. Haha, gosh you are funny. I know me better than anyone, and yes I've been checked, and yes I know about EVERY person I've had sex with. P.S. All Virgins. So please don't even make yourself look intelligent by arguing with someone for or five times younger than you. Talk what you know and not what YOU assume.

SAJ_Fells · Jul 16, 2011, 12:06 PM

I actually seen this as good advice, then you started bashing me. Not cool.

Enigma1999 · Jul 16, 2011, 12:15 PM

If you have a sex "problem", then perhaps get some help. Don't bring this girl down with you.

I'm not judging you for sex addiction problem. Just own up to it, be honest wirh your girlfriend.

If you are here to get advice, then you will have to understand, that it will come with honesty. It may not be what you want to hear, but it's our advice.

talaniman · Jul 16, 2011, 12:21 PM

How am I the problem?

Because its your choices, and decisions that are important, and that you are responsible for. Not situations, and circumstances.

I have a problem, yes. Have I cheated before, no.

That's great, so why consider it now? Think of better options.

Do I know what to expect with college and the temptations? No. That's the issue!

But you have an idea, so don't play innocent, you know good and well you will have many options and opportunities to explore your freedoms with many different kinds of people, and there ways. You know for a fact that there will be temptations of all kinds, not just with virgins.

Yea, I thought you should know that. And please tell me what's my bad behavior? Having sex?

We all like sex dude, in that you are no different, you just have to set the boundaries for your own behavior, and not be tempted to follow someone else's boundaries for your OWN behavior. You are the only one who will pay the price for giving into any temptation, without thought for your own responsibility.

Yea OK, but just because I like sex doesn't mean it's with EVERYBODY!

It seems just with virgins, who are by definition, inexperienced in sex. Wonder why that is??

Man you people have issues of your own I see.

We all have issues, everyone of us who walks the earth as humans, So What??

I actually seen this as good advice, then you started bashing me. Not cool.

I haven't bashed you at all. You seem to be defensive, but I understand that as advice, and opinion, is not always presented as we like it. May I respectfully submit that lashing back may distract you from simple truths to be aware of? That is also something you will be expecting of yourself, cool, calm, self control, and discipline, so as to resist temptation, and decisions and actions based on feelings and not facts.

One of the challenges of youthful inexperience, and fears because of that inexperience. Stay humble and you learn your lessons with a lot less pain, and consequence of bad choices. You say you know yourself? Good, then stay true to yourself. That's how you resist those temptations, and won't have to make excuses for any bad behavior.

SAJ_Fells · Jul 16, 2011, 12:23 PM

I know. Some people probably take that reputation thing to the head, and think that they can just say all and everything. And if your read the comments, there where A lot of assumptions. Tell me facts, not assumptions.

Enigma1999 · Jul 16, 2011, 12:25 PM

Originally Posted by SAJ_Fells

Woooahhh, Please don't go there talking about you can spell. Ha!

This little editor thing has a spell check, besides your grammar isn't correct as it seems is it?

Catching "an" STD? Do you mean "a" STD? Yea. I'll past, you just lost all my respect.

Seems to me you people think when someone says they likes to have sex, that means its automatically with 30 people. Haha, gosh you are funny. I know me better than anyone, and yes I've been checked, and yes I know about EVERY person I've had sex with. P.S. All Virgins. So please don't even make your self look intelligent by arguing with someone for or five times younger than you. Talk what you know and not what YOU assume.

I will have you know that Judy is a well respected member of this site. I will also have you know that we take the time to help others by giving them advice. So insulting members is not going to get you anywhere.

FYI it IS "an" not "a". So before insulting someone, perhaps you should know your stuff.

Also, I changed my mind... I think you should dump your girlfriend, because she CAN do better than you.