Check out some similar questions!

MissBWleh · Nov 16, 2008, 09:03 PM

My fiancé is not that open about sex. Don't get me wrong our sex life is great. I just am missing some things that we won't do or even talk about. I guess in a way he is a little bit of a prude when it comes to sex. He refuses to talk to me about oral sex and why he doesn't want to do it. Its just I don't like it and he won't explain his reasons. But one day after taking a shower together, I wanted to go down on him, and he stopped me. I looked at him and asked him why he was so against it, and he tells me that if I keep trying to get him to do it, he might back let me one day. So where my confusion is, is, does he want it or not? And if so, why won't he communicate that with me? Need serious advice, I won't make him do anything he's not comfortable with, I was just wondering, why he is like that. Sorry for the lengthy post.:)

Fr_Chuck · Nov 16, 2008, 09:13 PM

Never knew a guy to say no, but then he may have grown up in a sexualy oppressed familly.

But actually I am not as concerned over the lack of oral sex as the lack of talking about sex. You each should be telling the other what feels good, where and how and why and when.

Trying various positions and more.

If you can not talk about this now, it will only grow into more serious porlbems latter.

linnealand · Nov 16, 2008, 09:23 PM

Originally Posted by MissBWleh

...and he tells me that if i keep trying to get him to do it, he might back let me one day...

Hi there, missB! I'm sorry, but I didn't understand this part of your post...

MissBWleh · Nov 16, 2008, 10:09 PM

Hey sorry about my typos. Lol. What I meant to say was, One time when we were in the shower and he didn't let me go down. His words to me were... "if you keep trying, I will let you do it one day." So my question was, does he want it or not, and why he can't communicate that with me. Sorry for the confusion.

SimpleguyJoe · Nov 17, 2008, 12:08 AM

Haha that makes me think he might want it!

Wait until he falls asleep handcuff him to the bed and then he won't have any choice!

Not really lol. But if you can't get him to talk about it nothing will ever figure itself out in your favor. Tell him it's bugging you that you guys can't talk openly maybe?

jprivette · Nov 17, 2008, 02:09 AM

Maybe he could have had a bad experience before and is too embarrassed to talk about it.
Try to get him to open up more about it and dig deep.
Or maybe he does want it but feels pressured that if you do it for him then you would want something in return.

Just talk it out... and if he doesn't care to talk it out make him because if he cares about you then it shouldn't be a problem for him to open up to you.

neverme · Nov 17, 2008, 06:20 AM

I think he definitely wants it!. I had an ex boyfriend that wasn't so into oral sex, he had had a bad experience earlier on in life and had pretty much stayed away from it since then.. but also, and maybe because of that experience, he had never followed through because of oral sex so didn't put too much emphasis on it.

After some experimentation AND DIALOGUE.. he quite enjoyed himself :D

kp2171 · Nov 17, 2008, 12:37 PM

I knew a guy who absolutely loved women and loved sex... and somehow with him it wasn't "oh look another horny guy"... he had a real, genuine passion for the company of women and loved sex. But he never let a woman do oral. He didn't like the idea of it, period. So, while I think most men wouldn't think once about stopping you, it can happen...

The only thing I don't get is why he won't even talk to you about it. Perhaps he's embarrassed, perhaps there's some reason he doesn't want to talk about, but the more you openly talk about your likes and dislikes, the better. He is either too shy to talk about sex or there's some other issue that he just doesn't want to address.

asking · Nov 17, 2008, 12:46 PM

Maybe he associates it with prostitution and doesn't want to think of you that way? But doesn't want to say that in case you do eventually end up doing it. He wouldn't want that in your head.

Also, maybe he's worried if he lets you do it to him, you'll ask him to do it back and he's still squeamish.

I agree about talking to him about being able to talk about sex. Patience also. How long have you been together?

Choux · Nov 17, 2008, 12:56 PM

I think it is possible that you are too aggressive sexually for him at this time... he may like to have the gentle seduction still in your relationship instead of going right for the genitals. He may actually love you, girl, and not want to think of you as a CSer.

asking · Nov 17, 2008, 01:00 PM

I think Choux makes an excellent point, especially if you have not been together long.

MissBWleh · Nov 17, 2008, 01:12 PM

Hey, Asking, I think that is what it is. He tells me that only porn stars or prostitutes do that. And I was asking him why he thought that. But here the kicker, he watches porn that involves a lot of oral sex. When I saw him watching that, I asked him if there was anything that he is missing, or that he wants to try. He just blew it off and said no. But my concern is that, if he wants it and I'm not giving it to him, will he try to get it elsewhere. He is trying to make me a "good girl" as he says. I really am confused about it, because I want him to fulfill his fantisies with me, not some other woman. I'm afraid to do anything like when he's sleep as someone earlier suggested, in fear that he would probably loose respect for me. Should I have hope or should I just forget the matter?

smoothy · Nov 17, 2008, 01:17 PM

THe guy has real issues. Assuming the OP isn't from a really backward nation which I don't think is the case.

He's likely the single most sexually repressed male I have ever heard about.

MissBWleh · Nov 17, 2008, 01:17 PM

Oh and another thing. We been together for a year, we are distance at the moment. We see each other maybe once or twice every other month or as much as we can with work and school. I am 21 and he is 19. I have never been with a guy younger than me before, but we really love one another. I have only dated guys older than me so, I never really had to "teach" them things.

smoothy · Nov 17, 2008, 01:19 PM

Just out of curiousity, and to help us understand possible cultural issues, what country are you both from?

MissBWleh · Nov 17, 2008, 01:26 PM

Smoothy, what do you mean?

MissBWleh · Nov 17, 2008, 01:27 PM

That was to your last post not this one. I am American, and he is African, could that be also cultural?

smoothy · Nov 17, 2008, 01:36 PM

OK... I'm beginning to understand a little. I think it might be his upbringing. Black Americans aren't very adverse to this at all, at least not the friends I have and have had nor the couple balack women I dated years ago, but more than the average white american however, and black men more than black women for some reason. Now an African Immigrant that's a different thing entirely. That very well might be a cultural thing with him.

What I meant was its hard to know what country a poster might be from... and some people outside of english speaking nations sometimes write better english than people that speak no other language. And some cultures do have their own taboos.

MissBWleh · Nov 17, 2008, 01:45 PM

All right, thanks Smoothy for your insite. I am starting to think it might be cultural. Or his upbringing. Maybe he wants to do it, but maybe be wondering if he really should let loose. Interesting, thank you Smoothy.

asking · Nov 17, 2008, 02:08 PM

Miss BWleh,
I would recommend a very serious discussion with him at some point about what he means by a "good girl." I'm worried that he may have expectations of you that you will not be comfortable with in the long run, and I'm not just talking about sex. Draw him out and get him to talk about what good girls do and do not do. Don't indicate any disapproval or he will clam up or just tell you what he thinks you want to hear. You need to know more about his cultural expectations.