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    velvettulip22's Avatar
    velvettulip22 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Mar 24, 2009, 06:20 PM
    I'm so confused why doest he want to have sex with me?
    OK to start... my friend introduced us I'de say this past july/august (2008)we clicked and started dating in November which ide normaly say that took a while before we started dating... it took him about 2 months to kiss me (a little kiss on the lips) and about 3.5 months to actually make out with me... this is the furthest its ever gone... its now the end of may... I try to introduce the option of sex... but its like he is scared or something.even if I try and touch him he giggles and pushes my hand away... he told me he loved me in February, and I'm thinking if he does love me why won't he have sex with me or even fool around... I need help in figureing out why its taking so long and what's the hold up...
    kp2171's Avatar
    kp2171 Posts: 5,318, Reputation: 1612
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    #2

    Mar 24, 2009, 06:31 PM
    Only he can tell you what's up.

    Is he afraid?

    Scared of potential pregnancy?

    Stds?

    Honestly... I have a hard time chastising someone who isn't ready for sex and stick to his guns.

    That doesn't mean you are wrong.

    Not one bit.

    But maybe you are wrong for each other at this point in time?
    bronzebabe's Avatar
    bronzebabe Posts: 333, Reputation: 62
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    #3

    Mar 25, 2009, 05:08 AM

    I guess it's time you stop and ask the guy. Maybe he just isn't Ready for that yet. His maturity level might not be as high as yours. There's really no hurry tho, is there?
    artlady's Avatar
    artlady Posts: 4,208, Reputation: 1477
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    #4

    Mar 25, 2009, 05:17 AM

    There are so many possibilities here,guessing is not a valid option.

    What has he told you about it? Have you asked him what his reluctance is?

    Is he a virgin? It it a religious commitment?

    Is he unsure or uncomfortable with his sexuality?

    If you are willing to be physically intimate with this man ,you must be willing to be intimate emotionally first and that means you must communicate open and honestly.

    A guess is only that ,you must have a discussion.It is the only way you will truly know.
    Synnen's Avatar
    Synnen Posts: 7,927, Reputation: 2443
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    #5

    Mar 25, 2009, 05:41 AM

    If the two of you can't have an open and honest discussion about sex, you shouldn't be having sex anyway.
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,490, Reputation: 2853
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    #6

    Mar 25, 2009, 05:48 AM

    How old are each of you? This can be a factor.
    velvettulip22's Avatar
    velvettulip22 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Mar 25, 2009, 12:50 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by bronzebabe View Post
    I guess it's time you stop and ask the guy. Maybe he just isn't Ready for that yet. His maturity level might not be as high as yours. There's really no hurry tho, is there?
    I had a talk with him last night... about the same as I have been asking him... basically why won't you be intimate with me... he answer same as the first time.. "i didnt know you wanted to do anything like that babe" and "i dont know why we dont"... to me I'm being quite obvious that I want to move forward but I can't get any other answers out of him to find out if he wants to or not... should I wait a little longer?
    Justwantfair's Avatar
    Justwantfair Posts: 3,422, Reputation: 944
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    #8

    Mar 25, 2009, 12:57 PM

    How can it be the end of May?
    artlady's Avatar
    artlady Posts: 4,208, Reputation: 1477
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    #9

    Mar 25, 2009, 01:16 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by velvettulip22 View Post
    i had a talk with him last night... about the same as i have been asking him.... basicaly why wont you be intimate with me... he answer same as the first time.. "i didnt know you wanted to do anything like that babe" and "i dont know why we dont"... to me im being quite obvious that i want to move forward but i can't get any other answers out of him to find out if he wants to or not...should i wait a little longer?
    That depends on a few things.If this is his first sexual experience he may be a little intimidated.In that case I would say you need to build up to it.

    Maybe he has an issue with his manhood ,size and all that.

    I would say if you got him really fired up,there would be no going back.

    Maybe he does not feel a strong sexual attraction to you.
    I'm not judging here but clearly some people just don't have the chemistry going on.

    I would continue to sort it out before you proceed.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
    		  
    #10

    Mar 26, 2009, 05:58 AM
    Maybe he is twice bitten once shy.

    If he's had other relationships before that started with sex early on in the relationship, that didn't work out, maybe he is just being cautious.

    I don't think he's not interested in sex with you, but he's just making sure that going from dating, to include dating with sex and that level of intimacy, might have him putting the brakes on for a while yet until he is totally ready.

    Could he also not be thinking that he wants a foundation, first, based on the developing relationship.

    He may have a very high regard for you as a person, that is my impression, and sees sex with you as the icing on the cake.

    But first, he wants to make the cake.

    (sorry that sounds corny lol but I'd just give him more time)
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