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errinrose · May 8, 2011, 03:18 PM

Hi. I'm in Louisville ky Jefferson county. I'm asking about the best method to make sure I have sole physical custody of my 7 month old son. His dad and I never married. We do not have any written custody order. I was planning on writing a very detailed letter to him outlining my desire for us to parent without conflict. I want sol physical custody and we can have joint legal custody. With him having liberal visitation. My son is currently exclusively breastfed. I also practice attachment parenting. I in no water want to exclude my sons dad but at this young age I want my son to have safe surroundings. His dad is an alcoholic and has expressed that he will not refrain from drinking while my son is in his care. I have offered him unlimited visit at my home in a room that is designed just for he and our son. Also I have offered and do take my son to his residence to visit and will wait close by so that when the baby needs to be feed I am available. My question really how advantageous would it be for me to write a letter to the father. Letting hint know he is always welcome to visit and be involved. That I'm willing to always communicate as long as it is not confrontational. I wanted to have a write letter to show my intentions just encased he wants to file a motion for custody or to lie and say I told him he could not visit extent.

AK lawyer · May 8, 2011, 03:35 PM

Such a letter might not be a bad idea.

But in my opinion your post comes across with a faint hint of an over-controlling mother. What you say about visits to his home, for example, sounds almost like supervised visitation, and that phrase suggests that that you don't believe he can be trusted. That, in turn, will usually be a interpreted as challenge to his integrity.

Keep in mind that the father may not necessarily agree with the theories of "attachment parenting"? Be prepared to "agree to disagree".

ScottGem · May 8, 2011, 03:44 PM

First "sole physical custody" means no or very limited visitation. If you ask for it you won't get it unless you can prove he is a danger to the child.

What you want is PRIMARY physical custody with restricted visitation increasing as the child gets older. And you really WANT to go to court, because any voluntary agreement not ratified by a court will eventually blow up.

errinrose · May 8, 2011, 03:57 PM

First thanks for your response. And there are a few reasons I can't be 100% comfortable with leaving me son. His drinking has become an issue. And while I don't want to keep them from.having a relationship I am concerned with his total desire to not refrain from drinking while having our infant in his care. He has already had 3 car accidents in the past 17 months due to drinking. At this point I want them to maintain a father/son relationship but I have to be sure my son is safe. I have made every effort to never keep him from our son. I have never said no to a visit. I change plans just so he can see him even is it's a 10 min visit. I have had a senate space in my home put aside so that they may spend time.together. We can't do nest/ birds nest parenting as I have other children from a previous relationship. But I am more than willing to work with him for my sons sake. However is just not an agreeable person. And when I don't do things how he wants he becomes irate and began to.verbally assault me.. . derogatory names ext. I have no desire to argue with him. I can't have that type of drama in my home or life. Ny writing the letter I thought it would clearly state how willing I am to parent with him as long as my son safety is put first.

excon · May 8, 2011, 04:19 PM

Hello e:

If you can't talk to him, writing a letter isn't going to do anything... At SOME point over the next 18 years, you're going to have to speak.. You need to have an agreement IMPOSED upon you both. You'll only get one of those in court. Who knows? Maybe the judge will agree with you.

excon

ScottGem · May 8, 2011, 04:22 PM

The problem here is that its not you who needs to be 100% comfortable, it's the court that does and the court's standard may not be yours.

So you need to prove to a court why it would be unsafe for him to be alone with your child. Now 3 accidents and I'm assuming they were DUIs, in 17 months is a good indication. The court would probably order supervised visits where he would be ordered not to drink.

errinrose · May 8, 2011, 04:28 PM

Thank you. And I understand the courts mustbbe convinced. If itbwere not for the drinking he would be a good dad. The drinking keeps him from making the best choices. Could the family courts suggest or require he enter into some alcoholism rehab program.

ScottGem · May 8, 2011, 04:30 PM

Originally Posted by errinrose

Could the family courts suggest or require he enter into some alcoholism rehab program.?

Its possible. But if the courts haven't done so after 3 DUI accidents...

errinrose · May 8, 2011, 04:32 PM

Thank you.

Fr_Chuck · May 8, 2011, 05:37 PM

What you have is that the judge may well drink every day and have no problem with a few drinks. Next it is not illegal.
So what proof do you have that his drinking is a danger to the child. And as for as "visits in your home" get over that, it will not happen if the father does not agree,

At the best will be visits at a third party location and most likely he will get over night visits in his home.

So understand what you are asking for is not realistic and will not be done without a hard fight proving the father unfit.