[Wondergirl]

I must tell you, it's a pleasure to read your excellent writing full of good grammar and correct spelling. Since you corrected someone else, I'll feel free to correct one of your sentences. "I only drive my corvette once a month" should be "I drive my corvette only once a month." (Watch those adverbs and what they modify.)

In the psych literature, you're known as an Incurable Romantic and as a Rescuer. Unfortunately, you are always thwarted in your attempts to rescue because you always choose the wrong women to rehabilitate. I have a friend whom I first met when he was married for the second time. He wasn't able to fix his first wife, so he had moved on to his second. After a few years of trying to fix her, he gave up and moved on to Wife #3. A year or so later, he divorced her and married Wife #4. Only six weeks later, he divorced her and moved to another state, looking for new challenges. Last I heard, he was divorced from Wife #5 but lived next door to her, hoping she was still amenable to improvement and was using their child as a pawn.

And no, not "anything can be fixed, just like with family." Sometimes even family can't be fixed. (I have more stories, but I'll spare you.)

[ironhide262]

First of all you are not treating her as expendable... just respecting her decision to end the relationship and go on to do whatever she wants in her life without you. It's not your choice to determine how she should live her life. If you accepted the breakup from the start perhaps you would at least have come out with a friend. But, you sure didn't help things any did you?

Secondly, not everything can be fixed... not even family... there are many examples of why that is.

Yes, of course it is painful when someone shuts you out. Most of the people on this forum can attest to that. We all come on here looking for advice, desperately looking to try to get him/her back. We eventually find out that all the answers lay in ourselves. You cannot just make someone love you... you can't just reason with them, tell them it was all a big mistake(which everyone does) otherwise this forum wouldn't even exist and we would all be happily married to our high school sweethearts.

Life is always in a constant state of change. How you deal with those changes defines what kind of person you are. Your failure to accept this change in your relationship and your life will only turn you into a bitter, damaged person.

[nicosuave1]

Ok yes I could have had a friend, but why would I want to be friends with a girl who broke me. It's either love or nothing for me with girls. About being bitter and damaged, I think it's too late to prevent.

Comment on Wondergirl's post

"I only" instead of "I drive..only" conveys that only I drive my corvette, otherwise you could read the sentence thinking "ok but who ELSE drives your corvette". Improper "grammar": maybe... More precise in meaning: definitely.

The frequency of use stated "once a month" is already implies relative low usage, so I could have left "only" out of the sentence completely if I didn't want to add that specificity, that only I drive my car.

Yes, "is" in the first sentence of my previous comment was a mistake. Excuse me.

You will all notice that the first comment by "MyBrainIsMyDrug" was the only response that ASKED any questions, the only response that RELATED and the only response that didn't try to brand me as either a stalker or a self wallowing attention seeker stalker etc etc. MyBrainIsMyDrug thank you.

[Wondergirl]

"I only drive my my car" means you do not push your car or roll your car over or wash your car or do anything else to your car. You only drive it.

[nicosuave1]

But yeah thinking about what you said, "choosing the wrong women to rehabilitate" strikes a chord and makes me think. Thank you.

[Wondergirl]

I said nice things about your writing.

There's nothing wrong with being an Incurable Romantic or Rescuer. You just have to know your limits and recognize hopeless cases.

You ended your first post with, "My life is over." I cannot rescue you. How can you begin to rescue yourself?

[nicosuave1]

Comment on Wondergirl's post


The sentence is still correct, if anything it's more precise. Once a month I drive my car, that's what I'm talking about, driving, not washing or rolling.

Yeah you opened your 1st comment with a nice thing but it was a tongue-in-cheek setup to correct me as a retaliation against me correcting the other guy, maybe you just judged my character and began looking for flaws LOL u must be a girl. Thanks.

[mystific]

Have I seriously considered stuff: YES. Have I been obsessed with her: YES. Have I had a restraining order: YES. Was it warranted: NO. She wanted 3 yrs but judge laughed and gave her 3 months. Are you a judgemental prick: YES. Are you THE HELP I NEED: NO

Well its nice to see your true colours.

As a 'woman' I'd much prefer
b!tch over prick.. but meh what can you do.

You talk of 'retaliation'.. I gave my honest opinion.. and you come out all guns blazing. If you can't take the knocks then toughen the hell up.

I'll reiterate.. just for you.. it was my opinion.

[Wondergirl]

Yeah you opened your 1st comment with a nice thing but it was a tongue-in-cheek setup

I did no such thing! Your writing is beautiful. No ifs, ands or buts. I'm a Grammar Expert on another site and have the education and experience to back it. It was no set-up.

to correct me as a retaliation against me correcting the other guy

You had the cheek to correct someone publicly. I simply returned the favor. And your vette sentence is incorrect with "only" in front of the verb. Want to diagram sentences together sometime?

maybe you just judged my character and began looking for flaws

I haven't even begun, so don't flatter yourself -- and I have the credentials for diagnosing too.

[nicosuave1]

Comment on mystific's post

OK your entitled to your opinion lol peace!

Comment on Wondergirl's post

Lady I only corrected her after she corrected me, then you corrected me as if backing that other person up. No thanks on the diagramming. Thanks for the compliments on the writing I guess.

[Wondergirl]

I only corrected her after she corrected me, then you corrected me as if backing that other person up.

Back that other person up? No, I was sharing the joy, like you did, hoping to encourage empathy in you.

[awayandalone]

OK is this thread about your relationship or grammar?

I'm no grammar expert so I'm not going to get involved in that.

As for your relationship and emotions about her, I agree with the first post who I believe said that you need to take her off her pedastal. Remembering who she "was" is fine, but keep it at just that. Enjoy the good times you shared, learn from the bad (such as understanding you can't fix everyone else's problems.) I learned that with my first GF, her situation was very similar to your ex's. Mother was abusive, father left, mothers BF's did horrible things (one I did confront and that's a whole long story in itself) Basically it came down to the end of our relationship and I realized I could not solve all of her problems. I had to let go because trying to take care of all her problems were not bettering myself. Now I'm a pilot, in the best shape of my life, following my dreams, and although I'm getting over my most recent breakup 2 1/2 months ago, I know I can get past this and love again.
Honestly look at all you have going for you, your successful in a great career, seem well rounded in what your doing, and on top of that you clearly have the compasion to love others. So at this point don't be afraid to let yourself do just that and find someone who mutually and respectfully loves you back. Someone who won't go through your deleted emails and make a big deal about them. You have a lot going for you and I'm sure you know that, she's given you the time to get through NC, grieve if you must for maybe another week, but eventually I hope you see the good this will bring you.

I wish you the best man and hope you get through this bump in the road. I believe you will.

[Wondergirl]

ok is this thread about your relationship or grammar??

If you know anything about psychology, it's about both. In Nicosuave, the two are tied very much together.

[nicosuave1]

I've been NC for almost a month now. She is down in San Diego probably screwing some other guy, happy as can be. I am at my moms house, 27, in a tiny town with no options.

I tried a rebound, I dated an old ex-girl here briefly, she didn't hold a candle to the girl in San Diego that I am upset about. It just made it worse. I rambled about the San Diego girl to her and she bolted, so now I'm double dumped.

Whatever, it would be fine if I could meet a girl that I thought held a candle to the old girl, but I can't. I find myself thinking about how good the old girl was, how those qualities are super rare and I will never find them in someone else again. Our birthdays were only 3 days apart for christs sake. The pajamas I'm wearing, the slippers, the belt, all my jeans, my wallet, my... everything was given to me by her and reminds me of her.

The worst thing is I tried to get her back for months and finally got contact going again, but in a moment of desperation I sent a long email venting my troubles (while half awake and half stoned) Within an hour I realized my error and sent a follow-up email saying sorry and that's not how I really feel, but she ignored that and focused on the bad email, sent a mean rejection email and changed her number so I can't talk to her at all...

I have been NC since this, I've read all the support and gained some of my own here on this site but it is driving me INSANE.

I want to call her work or show up at her door and just get her to listen for a second!

She is young and cute and just has no patience for a good mans issues, she has suitors all around her and damnit I am here all alone and shriveled. My parents and friends say move on, so does everyone here, but that cannot be the right answer! I cannot imagine loving anyone else, and she is just confused about me because she takes an idea and runs with it rather than asking/talking about it. AHHHHHH!!

[pandead]

I have been NC since this, I've read all the support and gained some of my own here on this site but it is driving me INSANE.
[...]
I want to call her work or show up at her door and just get her to listen for a second!
[...]
she is just confused about me because she takes an idea and runs with it rather than asking/talking about it. AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

I remember your old post (and the replies, too.)

I'll suggest something. Google the definition of the word "insane." Add Einstein if you want (because it's simple) - you will find this :

Einstein's Definition

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results".

Stop doing this. Learn to let go dude, she isn't confused about anything, she is actually pretty clear (she changed her phone number, seriously) stay away from her and stick to NC. "Move on" IS the right answer so stop living in a dream world where you show up at her doorstep, she listens to you and says she's sorry, that she understands and comes back to you because it's not going to happen.

Accept the break up. It's the first step. It will make NC much easier to handle. Good luck.

[ironhide262]

Just relax dude... it's only been a month. Sorry but, it's going to be longer than you think.

Get rid of anything that reminds you of her. Those jammies and other stuff, give'em away to charity or burn them if it makes you feel better. Stop living in the past. Get the he** out of your parents house. Go somewhere or get busy with something. Concentrate on getting yourself together, tons of girls out there that are even better.

I used to look myself in the mirror every morning and tell myself "It's over" and then I got on with my day.

By the way, how do you know what kind of time she is having?She could be having a crappy time with this guy. In any case, who cares? She's gone and you're the furthest thing from her mind. Like pandead said , "Accept it"!

[nicosuave1]

Why is it that my questions keep getting deleted and all that remains is the first post I made which is terrible...

[Wondergirl]

I see four pages full of your posts and the answers you got.

[nicosuave1]

I am not steps from a restraining order. The only order i ever got was from a girl trying to humiliate me. Look up restraining orders see how easy it is to screw someone over.

I am not a stalker. You ignored the question. I exaggerated the amount of time i have been trying to get her back because it feels like forever. Thanks bucko

Again with this restraining order fixation. Look up how easy it is to get one on anyone you don't like. Girl could have warned or blocked email. She did it to humiliate. Judge laughed, gave 3 months, but my record is screwed thanks to her

Ya i see 4 pages of answers too, but only the original post is visible, the 2 more recent ones are gone.

[Wondergirl]

No one on this site removes posts unless there is an extreme reason, such as they are full of profanity, and only maybe three people even have that power to remove them. I know one of the three is asleep right now. Are you sure your missing posts actually posted and stuck?

P.S. Why didn't you answer me with caps (shouting)?