[hisgurl90]

I am 20 I'm am single have been for a about a month I split from the father of my children to better there lives and mine. Well my ex has a friend who I've had a crush on for long time me and my ex were together for 4 yrs. ( our kids are 3 and 17mnths) Well his friend got one of my friends pregnant and her dad forced them to marry they were together for a year then split she went on a drug bienge and lost there daughter. Then they were getting together just to have sex and she got pregnant again by him. He got with her because they are still legally married and he is a good guy and it was the right thing to do. She hates him and he lost all feelings for her long time ago. He started talking to me and we finally confessed our true feelings for each other. We are in love but are not sure how to go about making it public. She is due to have the baby anyday. He doesn't want to be with her he wants a divorce but ( by the way she is 20 and he is 22 ) doesn't want to leave her as a single mom no job a 2yr old and a newborn because he is a really good guy. He loves his children very much and is scared she will start smoking crack again if he leaves and doesn't want his kids around that. She holds them above his head all the time says if he ever leaves she make his life a nightmare. He is miserable with her and can only see me a few times a week because we are still sneaking around. We are tired of sneaking around we are in love and don't think its right he has to be with a woman he hates and who uses his kids against him. I love this man very much, we have had feelings for each other for over a year but never said or did anything about it because he is my ex's friend and I am friends with his wife. I already know that this will ruin mine and hers friendship but she is a backstabbing friend and it won't be that bad of a loss to me. I want to be able to be with him and were not sure how to go about telling her we are in love... help!

[mystific]

Well to be honest you're not much of a friend either if you've been sneaking around with your friends husband. Maybe your friendship with her will be no loss to her either.

Irrespective of him not being happy or her with issues the guy is married.

You're obviously not bettering your life or your children's by being with someone who is still 'married'. If he's a 'really good guy' then he'll do the decent thing and separate / divorce his wife before he even considers having a relationship with someone else.

The best advice I can offer is to continue doing what you set out to do. Better your children's lives and yours and move on. Leave him be. Let him sort out his own problems. He obviously needs to grow a backbone and start acting like a man and dealing with what he has on his plate before he can dine else where.

Do the decent thing and walk away from it all, surely your children deserve better.

[Jake2008]

Mystific pretty much said what I was going to say, except a few things.

All the adults in this situation- you, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, her husband, are all so mixed up in your own little lying, cheating lives, that you forget the most important people in the messes you have created. The children.

How do their lives improve by you cheating with your friends' husband. How do their lives improve by them now coming from a broken home. How does anybody's life improve by your secret married boyfriend hooking up with you a couple of times a week.

You only split from your ex, apparently a month ago. I don't buy that you weren't involved with the married man long before this, and I'd be surprised that there wasn't a lot of talking and meeting up going on before you professed your love to each other. I doubt your ex would believe you, I doubt that your married boyfriends wife would believe you, and I doubt that eventually your story to your children won't wash either. You are selfishly putting your needs before your own families needs, and your married boyfriend is putting his selfish needs above his families needs as well.

What did you do to try to save your relationship with the man you chose to have two children with. Did you attend counselling? What was so wrong with him that just 17 months ago you chose to have another baby with him.

And what about your married boyfriend. Regardless that you and his wife are 'friends', you have no business messing with a married man. She is pregnant for God's sake!! Leave him alone, and try to understand that he has to step up and be a father and a husband to his wife, who HE chose to have another baby with.

I can't believe that you are doing your best to put all this energy into justifying a relationship with a married man, and ruining two families in your wake.

Is the 'prize' really worth it?

[Jake2008]

Very tragic for all these children, messed up in the disaster their parents have created.

[mystific]

@ Jake2008

It is extremely saddening for them I agree.