[e_dun]

Hello Everyone,

I had been browsing the web looking for advice and I found this site to be quite helpful. So, I decided to give it a try hoping that you could help me. My girlfriend of almost 2 years just broke up with me about 2 weeks ago and I am having a very hard time dealing with it. If you don't mind I woud like to provide a detailed background so you understand my unique situation.

I am 20, my now ex-girlfriend is 18. We went to the same high school but never really got to know each other. After I graduated in 2008 we connected on MySpace. After getting to know each other and coming to realize we had A LOT in common, we decided to meet. Things went GREAT! We hit it off right away and within 2 weeks of spending time together we were an item. We always had so much fun together, no matter what we did, which was often times nothing at all! I have always thought of sex as something to share with the one you love, up until this point I had never been in love and therefore never had sex with anyone. I know that generally it does take some time to fall in love with someone, but about one month into our relationship we both felt the same way. We were truly, madly in love with one another. It was amazing. We both hit it off great with the others families and were welcomed in with open arms. We were both unemployed at the time and had decided that if things were going to get serious we both needed to work and make money so we both found part time jobs. Our schedules conflicted so obviously when we weren't working we wanted to be with each other. Over time, between working and spending time together, we both fell out of contact with just about all of our friends. All right, now several months into our relationship everything is still going great. There is next to no conflict at all. She is stubborn and will sort of clam up when things are bothering her, so at times communication can be difficult. But other than that there are no issues. We treat each other with respect, and openly discuss marriage, children, spending the rest of our live together, etc. (I know this sounds premature, but anyone who has truly been in love will agree with me, when you know it's right, you just KNOW, there is no real way to explain it!)

Fast forward a liitle bit past our one year anniversary. Things aren't going well for her at work, she is miserable! I love her and want nothing more for her to be happy, so I tell her that if she wants to quit and look for something else, go ahead, I'll float us for a while. So she did, and I had no problem with it. She did have some free time while I was at work so she reconnected with a few old girlfriends. I was a little apprehensive at first because in the past, before we were together, her friends were bad influences and aren't exactly who I would want her to surround herself with. I don't want to seem controlling or anything so I express little displeasure and let her do her thing. They are her friends after all. Still barely any conflict.

Fast forward a few more months. We get a dog. After trying a few different things it becomes clear that the only way to properly care for the dog is for her to move in with me and take care of it while I'm at work to take the burden off my grandparents, who I live with. So she moves in and we are pretty excited about living together. Now I am offered a promotion to a full time position, and the money is great! We decide that I should take it and again, we are excited. Now I am working 9 hour days 5 days a week, and she is less willing to stay home all that time with the dog and my grandparents, so within a few weeks she ends up spending all day with her friends while I'm at work and spending the nights at home with me afterwards. I am a little annoyed that she hasn't accepted much responsibility but at the same time understand her not wanting to be couped up in the house all day. So I express minimal displeasure and don't make too much of a fuss about it. I am still the sole provider in the relationship but my promotion made that a lot easier, money is not much of a priority to me and takes a back seat to true love any day. At this time we are still very much in love, it has become increasingly difficult for us to be as close as we were before but we manage. Our emotional and sexual relationships are still very strong more than a year and a half in.

Fast forward a little more. For her birthday I plan a surprise getaway to Florida. When she finds out she is ecstatic and I couldn't be happier! There is nothing I love more than seeing her happy and making her smile! In the coming weeks leading up to the trip, she is extremely discouraged about STILL not having a job, not spending enough time together, feeling like she is living for free, etc. And on top of all that, her grandmother passes away :( She is extremely upset and will not talk to me about anything, she spends little to no time with me even when I am not working, always with her friends. When I ask her about it she says she just needs to be away from everything. Very strangely however, when we are together, everything is fine! She laughs, she smiles, we are the loving couple we always have been! This makes me happy because I feel like when she's with me everything else disappears. But then when I am away at work she is the complete opposite! She is very hostile and starts arguments about everything through texts messages all day long! But still, when I come home there are no issues? I am very confused. About a week before we are scheduled to leave she gets a call back from a job! But they want her to start on one of the days we will be gone! She doesn't want to blow her chance so she doesn't bring up the prior commitment. She then tells me we will have to return a few days earlier, but everything is already booked and when I tell her that it just isn't possible she flies off the handle! She says we need to talk and breaks up with me that very night when I get out of work! I'm blind-sided! I knew that things weren't as perfect as they once were, but expecting that would be unrealistic, I did not see this coming! She says that I only care about myself, I'm not the person she fell in love with, and she no longer has feelings for me! That's absurd! I only care about myself but I support the two of us for six whole months, let you do whatever you want, and barely say a word about it! It doesn't make sense. I am completely devastated, I feel like I got hit by a train, and I cannot accept what has just happened.

The trip is in a few days and I really need some time away. So I go. We remain in contact through text message while I am gone. I am deeply hurt but I do not want to appear weak or desperate so I relay to her that I'm having the time of my life! She says that she's sorry and she just needs some time to work on herself. I say that I understand and she thanks me. So I suspect that we did in fact move too fast in our relationship, she was under a lot of pressure, and she just snapped. I felt as if she said she no longer had feelings for me because she knows there is no possible way for me to argue that, it's the end of the conversation. So I have hope that things will work out and we will soon enough be together again once she does a little soul searching. So I want to give her her time and space to do so but we do still have casual conversations and will occasionally hang out. Things are going pretty well and I feel that if I play my cards right, I will soon have her back!

Then we go through a period of only about two or three days with no contact, I'm OK with it because I respect the fact that she needs her time and space if this is going to work. But she is the love of my life, I never stop thinking about her! During our relationship we did not keep Facebook, MySpace or anything like that from each other. We had each other's passwords and would have no problem with the other logging on from time to time. After all, we had nothing to hide. So now, out of curiousity I log on to her Facebook just to see exactly what she has been up to since the break up and maybe even what others have to say about it. To my horror I find several explicitly sexual messages back and forth to some guy I had never heard of! I am sick to my stomach and cannot believe what I found! All my hopes shattered right before my eyes! I have not confronted her because I know that if she finds out I was wrongfully spying, my chances are slim to none! But still I cannot believe this! It's only been two weeks, and she is already secretly involved with somebody else! What do I do! Please help me!

I apologize for the length of my story, but as you can see it means a lot to me and I really want you to understand where I am coming from. I really hope that you do take the time to hear me out. I need help, fast!

[Wondergirl]

During our relationship we did not keep Facebook, MySpace or anything like that from each other. We had each other's passwords and would have no problem with the other logging on from time to time...I log on to her Facebook...I find several explicitly sexual messages back and forth to some guy I had never heard of!

She knew you had her password. She could have easily changed it, but did not. She knew you would see the messages if you checked up on her.

Why didn't she change her password and prevent you from seeing her messages to and from this other guy?

What do you do? You walk away and don't look back. No contact.

[e_dun]

I have no idea, maybe she intended on deleting them without having to change her password to arise suspicion? I don't know?

[Wondergirl]

I have no idea, maybe she intended on deleting them without having to change her password to arise suspicion? I don't know?

I'm guessing she's not stupid. Why are you trying to justify her behavior and excuse her?

No Contact.

[kaka67]

It's only been two weeks, and she is already secretly involved with somebody else! What do I do! Please help me!

You two aren't together anymore. You had no right to go and invade her privacy.

She's with someone else. What do you think you should do? Win her back?

She's not yours anymore. So save yourself a lot of ongoing heartache and move on. She has.

[e_dun]

I'm sorry if it seemed like I was trying to excuse her, I was not. I just hadn't thought about what you asked and didn't know the answer. I am just so lost in all that has happened and was hoping that anybody on the outside looking in could provide some insight on just how this all came about. Again I am not excusing her but from the messages I saw briefly, they were sexual but it did appear as if they had not had sex, and in the last message I saw from her she was attempting to break things off with him. I know that I'm just holding on to every last sliver of hope but I really do love this girl.

[Wondergirl]

I'm sorry if it seemed like I was trying to excuse her, I was not...I really do love this girl.

Stay out of her business, and stay away from her. She knew you would see the FB stuff. What does that say to you?

No Contact.

[awayandalone]

I understand your heartache man and your devastation. Having recently lost a girl I truly loved after a two year relationship and that it was while I'm away on an internship, I feel helpless and hurt. After about 3 weeks I gave up calling and talking and texting, going NC has helped a lot. I suggest you do the same. It sounds like you have a lot of good things going for you, keep working at your job and make it the best it can be, maybe another promotion, get out and exercise, take up a new hobby. As for Facebook, I would indeed change your password and if you can't resist the urge to go on her page, respectfully ask her to change hers as well, up to you if you want to tell her what you saw or not. This site is a great place to vent and sort out your feelings, someone is always here to listen and offer helpful advice. Go NC and I wish you the best!

[talaniman]

Seems to me that coming back early from your trip, so she could start work is what set all this off, and had you done so maybe you wouldn't be where your at.

Everything after that was a result of that decision, and even the sexual messages on Facebook are not evidence of a darn thing. (not your business any way)

I think I would have the talk, and see what happens before I did anything else. While a cooling off period was needed, I would still think the lines of communications are still open, so if things can be worked out, if she is willing, then you should try it. I don't think that looking at her Facebook is a thing you hide from either, so lay it on the table also, and be honest about it.

Then you can make a decision once you have all the facts.

[e_dun]

Thank you Talaniman, I was actually hoping that I would get a response from you, I had seen your answers on a ton of other pages and it was you who actually influenced me to put this up here. I do agree that that was probably the breaking point. There was really nothing I could do. We were booked to leave for Florida Saturday morning and return Wednesday afternoon. I bought tickets for us to go to Monday Night Football in Miami, and knowing this she agreed to start at 10 am Tuesday morning. As you can see, impossible! If we DID go and work around that time, the game is out of the question and I eat $450 there. Then to cancel our return flight and rebook a last minute one Monday night we're talking another $1000. All she had to do is say she had a prior commitment and she could be there the very next day! I just want you to see that I wasn't being a tool saying 'No way we're not coming home early' there was really nothing that I could do and she just didn't care, that was it. And you are correct, the lines of communication are still open. We still exchange text messages here and there and occasionally see each other. Even though she is the one who broke up with me, she has been completely miserable and very sad, all she talks about is how stressed she is and how bad everything sucks. Not being with her kills me on the inside, but I'm doing a very good job of being outwardly happy and upbeat when I'm around her. I just don't know what's going on.