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RSmyth58 · Mar 28, 2010, 07:12 PM

We've been together for a year next Sunday, and she is away at school (8 hours away) so 8 months of that has been long distance. When we are together, our relationship is out of this world and we are just so connected and have the most amazing time together. But long distance, is not where I do my best. I get jealous really easy, and protective of other guys posting on her Facebook wall and stuff like that (stupid I know) and it has caused quite a few fights lately. She has given me warnings about how she wanted a break and stuff like that, than I went up to visit her last weekend, and we talked and she talked to her mom and realized some things, so we decided to not take a break, and to try it, but if nothing changes, to take a break. Now today I got angry at one of the guys Facebook status' (so and so is lovin' up on (girlfriend)'s smile :)" so I got frustrated from that, which is to be expected, and she got mad.
Now I'm not sure what has gone on, she talked about breaking up, and how heartbreaking it is, she has told me she still wants to marry me, and wants a future with me and still has the same goals, but right now she isn't sure we can do it. I tried convincing her but it didn't seem to work. I see her this weekend (thankfully) and today she told me that she wants to hide the relationship status on Facebook, and if we have a good weekend, and I convince her that we can put it back. So I'm not sure what to think? She hasn't changed her status, and it's been hours since the talk. What should I do? I'm so bummed out I love this girl so much, and have our life planned together.

slapshot_oi · Mar 28, 2010, 07:41 PM

Originally Posted by RSmyth58

. . . today she told me that she wants to hide the relationship status on facebook, and if we have a good weekend, and i convince her that we can put it back.

Facebook never lies; she's breaking up with you.

Call her up now and break up with her before she breaks up with you (officially). That way, you can walk away with more dignity. It's hard keeping relationships whilst at college, even harder if the college is far away.

talaniman · Mar 28, 2010, 08:01 PM

You are not secure enough for a long distance relationship!

sabrewolfe · Mar 28, 2010, 08:16 PM

Originally Posted by slapshot_oi

Facebook never lies; she's breaking up with you.

Call her up now and break up with her before she breaks up with you (officially). That way, you can walk away with more dignity. It's hard keeping relationships whilst at college, even harder if the college is far away.

Yeah, and tell her you met someone else!

JoeCanada76 · Mar 28, 2010, 08:18 PM

This is not a true relationship anyway. Long distance relationships, some may work out. The truth is it is very hard. The only way I could see it possibly working is if your both willing to look at all your options. Being with each other, not long distance would be best.

In this case though it sounds that it is best to end it. That both of you are not really suited right now to be together. Whether that is forever or not who knows but it would be best to move on for now.

Tal is spot on.

RSmyth58 · Mar 28, 2010, 09:23 PM

She lives in the same city as me, just goes away for school, I see her every 3 weeks. We just had a good talk and boiled it down to me having self confidence issues, which is why I'm controlling and get jealous very easily. We've decided it's best to be "broken up" and rebuild our foundation, to keep things how they were (obviously cutting back on a lot of stuff) but still seeing each other, and still being best friends and talking and hanging out. We aren't breaking up in the terms of this is over, we are merely just sorting ourselves out. All we have is until April 2011, when I can finally move up there with her, to get through (minus the summer, which is from April 18th-august 31st) so like 8 months. And nobody is saying we have to wait all those 8 months for this to be fixed, it could be fixed in a week, a month or maybe the whole 8 months, who knows. She told me who knows, she might be making a mistake, and if she is she will realize it. I love her more than anything, and this is only going to benefit our relationship, and she is all I want.

Larken85 · Mar 28, 2010, 09:44 PM

A. 2011 in April is not 8 months away, is a year away. Also if she is hiding the Facebook relationship status that means that there are people that she does not want to see that she is with someone. Relationships cannot be hidden if they are to survive. I have to say I don't think this break up is going to end anytime soon. Sounds to me like she is ready for a college boy. Probably that guy that posted that comment at that. Never know though, maybe it will work out for you... yeah

amicon · Mar 28, 2010, 10:16 PM

You don't break up to fix a relationship,you work within the relationship to sort out whatever problem s there are.

Sorry but to me this is showing all the classic signs of : it is over.

jaffeyjoeblaze · Mar 28, 2010, 10:22 PM

Drop the lady... make her feel bad for trying to play with your emotions... this isn't revenge but it makes you feel better and allows you to move on...

Try doing a long distance relationship for 3 yrs... I did and it failed because I wasn't ready to commit and I would try to hide my Facebook from my girlfriend for the longest time because I was talking to other women just on a friends level... so a word of advice is that she is doing the same but seems to be looking for an on campus 'fix'...

RSmyth58 · Mar 29, 2010, 06:25 AM

Originally Posted by Larken85

A. 2011 in april is not 8 months away, is a year away. Also if she is hiding the facebook relationship status that means that there are people that she does not want to see that she is with someone. Relationships cannot be hidden if they are to survive. I have to say I don't think this break up is going to end anytime soon. Sounds to me like she is ready for a college boy. Probably that guy that posted that comment at that. Never know though, maybe it will work out for ya...yeah

I said minus the summer, so I meant 8 months apart. She truly seemed to mean it, and she has always said she wants to marry me and stuff. She says she knows I'm the one. Together we are amazing and have such a strong connection, I know she wouldn't throw that away. I know I make it difficult while she is at school, and I truly believe I can change. But I think this space will be good for the both of us. We are still doing everything we do when we were dating, minus the sexual activities, so I truly believe it will work out.

Romefalls19 · Mar 29, 2010, 06:27 AM

You are living in a fantasy world where everything will be okay if you go up and live with her. Just close it now, you are prolonging the agony

RSmyth58 · Mar 29, 2010, 06:55 AM

It isn't fantasy if when we are together, we are the perfect match and never have any problems. That is why we took on this long distance relationship. No matter what happens while she is away, when we see each other it is always right back to how it is when we are together. So I know that when I move up there, we will have no problems what so ever.

Larken85 · Mar 29, 2010, 06:57 AM

Hate to tell you I think we are right here. If there was hope for the relationship then she wouldn't have cut you off with sexual activities. SHe is doing that so she can be free to have a sexual relationship with someone else without feeling bad about it. My opinion.

RSmyth58 · Mar 29, 2010, 07:09 AM

I told her I don't want sexual activities because it might be too much for me if we aren't officially together.

Sheran · Mar 29, 2010, 08:15 AM

Ok, I'm just going to say that first of all you have confidence issues. For a long distance relationship to work there has to be trust which is why most of them do not work! Mainly because one is anxious to know and Facebook does not help being so intrusive and all but then again if she was hiding her status and other men were leaving her messages that sounded "weird" maybe she has some explaining to do. I mean, the best is to be upfront and she is not. She has you on the hook, you are the safe guy to come back to after experimenting away at college, the one you treat like a friend but always imply more than there is. Or maybe she's just afraid and nostalgic to break up even when things are not going fine. You said "We are still doing everything we do when we were dating, minus the sexual activities, so I truly believe it will work out." well I have news for you that's a friend, not a girlfriend. If I were you I wouldn't keep my hopes up. Sometimes is better to move on, sometimes love is not enough.

Sheran · Mar 29, 2010, 08:25 AM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

You are living in a fantasy world where everything will be okay if you go up and live with her. Just close it now, you are prolonging the agony

I have to agree with Rome... I think you are just in denial, everything is there, and you know what? If when you are together everythings fine but when you are apart is not, then the relationship is NOT fine! You are lacking substance if you ask me. Maybe you are naïve, this is your first love, or maybe it's hard to let go but once I again I agree that you are but prolonging the agony.

The fact that you are not having sex, even if your the one that decided not to means maybe there's a spark missing somewhere, or that deep down subconsciously you know something is just not right. It seems to me that maybe you are too young or inmmature for a relationship that's its taking way too much of energy (cause to me a relationship is easy on its basics and very complicated in its individuality) and more importantly maybe you are not prepared for this kind of commitment yet. (When I say you I mean you both). Not that you aren't committing just I believe to the wrong relationship. When the boat is sinking, you do everything you can, but if saving it is not possible you jump off and cry a while... :(

RSmyth58 · Mar 29, 2010, 08:26 AM

She has told me we're doing this to get the kinks out of our relationship, and I agree with her. I think I need to fix some issues with in myself before we can have a successful long distance relationship. She is home this weekend, and than home 2 weeks after for the summer, so that will be an amazing time, like it usually is when we are together. I truly believe this summer will solve a lot of things, and you have to think positive. Positivity is key. We both know what we want, and I know she isn't just saying it. We were both put through a lot of stuff in prior relationships, and this has been a life saver for both of us, and neither of us are willing to give up on it and throw it away. We will fix the problems in the relationship, and be back stronger than ever.

RSmyth58 · Mar 29, 2010, 08:31 AM

Originally Posted by Sheran

I have to agree with Rome... I think u are just in denial, everything is there, and u know what? if when u are together everythings fine but when u are apart is not, then the relationship is NOT fine! You are lacking substance if u ask me. Maybe you are naive, this is your first love, or maybe it's hard to let go but once i again i agree that you are but prolonging the agony.

The fact that you are not having sex, even if ur the one that decided not to means maybe there's a spark missing somewhere, or that deep down subconsciously u know something is just not right. It seems to me that maybe u are too young or inmmature for a relationship thats its taking way too much of energy (cause to me a relationship is easy on its basics and very complicated in its individuality) and more importantly maybe you are not prepared for this kind of commitment yet. (When I say you i mean you both). Not that you arent commiting just i believe to the wrong relationship. When the boat is sinking, you do everything you can, but if saving it is not possible you jump off and cry a while.... :(

I'm not "jumping off the boat" as you say. The relationship is not near bad enough for it to end. We just have things to work on. The bad does not outweigh the good, so there isn't a point in ending the relationship for good. We are both sure of what we want, and are ready to commit to this.The relationship is fine, but as I have admitted to, I cause stupid fights over jealousy.

slapshot_oi · Mar 29, 2010, 08:32 AM

Originally Posted by RSmyth58

We both know what we want, and I know she isn't just saying it. . .

Thinking this way is going to kill you. You don't know what she's thinking or believes, you just don't. You will regret it, trust us, we've all been in your shoes.

You'd just better call her, make the break up official, and stop talking to her.

Sheran · Mar 29, 2010, 08:38 AM

If that's the way you think, nothing we say is going to change your opinion. So this is no use then. And if it helps you make it true then believe what you want after all is your life and we have to make our own mistakes, cannot learn anything otherwise.

For your sake I really do hope you're right... I would hate to say "I told you so", because well we did... and good luck.