[hholter3]

Last night while I was at work my girlfriend of the last 4 months broke up with me.

We had been introduced by her sister, and she was not yet divorced after being married for 4 years prior - she had been separated for 4 or so months when we meet and she had dated during that time but she said it was never anything serious. I had been single for maybe 10 hours when we met, but had seen her online profile on some match site and had admired her but never been able to contact her - and then 10 hours after my prior girlfriend had ended our relationship her sister offered to introduce me, with me not knowing who it was until I saw the picture -

She has two children whom I love dearly- at first they didn't care for me ( I was the devil! ) but they grew on me, and one day something happened and I can't explain how I felt - I've never been really close to anyone but I think that I have finally experienced some sort of unconditional love - I played with them, helped them get ready for school, read to them, watched TV and movies and just spent time with them - I would do anything for them no matter what happens between their mother and I.

She told me she needed time to work on her life and get a divorce get her life straightened out, and that it wasn't me, and that I could wait for her.

Over the time we've been together we've argued and been able to stay together, but over our vacation in Florida the argueing became too much, and it wasn't about what we where argueing about, but rather underlying stuff that bugged me - the feelings that I had and the anxiety I was experiancing ( I lost all my id and was afraid I wouldn't be able to fly home ) - during the time she was there for me and was very reassuring and she was just there for me.

I have a problem with paranoia and anxiety - it builds and I seem to lose control of my emotions but I've never tried to seek help - I always believed everything would okay and I could control it, despite being told prior that I might want to seek help, and being diagnosed with schizotypal personality while in the military - but it has gotten progressively worse.

My anxiety centered on her soon to be ex-husband and I felt jealous ( I don't know why ) and had trouble with those emotions - but we where able to work through it.

However my anxiety and the arguments about nothing and the passive aggressive round robin got to me and I told her about my feelings about how I had been hurt by others and didn't want to experience it again and how the anger and anxiety stayed with me and never really went away - and she had nothing to say - and I got angry, I don't know why.

She confronted me with this - that I had a problem and that I needed help, and she told me we could come home and she would be there and I could get help and she would work through it with me - but I became more angry with that suggestion. I can't explain what was going on with me but I lost control. I didn't attack her, or hit her but I turned and she flinched - I have never wanted or had a woman flinch and it scared me, but I didn't know what to do.

I would never hurt her - but I knew that she thought I was capable of this and it only agitated me more.

I broke down and she held me and I felt reassured -

The next morning everything seemed fine and we where able to board the plane and all but on the way home I wanted to talk and figure out what was going to happen - and it became a long argument. She told me she needed time alone with her kids and that everything would be fine, but I couldn't stay away. I felt hurt. Her oldest daughter was mad at me and it seemed like I could do nothing right. I wanted desperately to fix it, but then last night she texted me saying that I need to call her - it was important. I assumed it was the kids so I called and she told me she needed time and she was going to get her divorce etc.

What should I do?

[artlady]

I think you need to seek professional help to get your anger under control and your anxiety.
I think until you make progress for yourself emotionally,you are too unstable to be involved in any relationship.

[heartbroke]

I was in the same situation, hholter3. It sounds like she has a lot going on in her life and needs to attend to them. Just give her the space she needs. Trust me. My girl told me the same thing because she lost her job was losing her house and has a 10 yr old to provide for and she can't at the moment. I wanted to contact her and speak with her, but all that did was push her away, and it did. Listen to what she has to say and be supportive of her actions. Give her time and space and in the meanwhile work on yourself.

[liz28]

I don't think at this time neither of you are ready for a relationship because you have issues that need to be sort out through counseling and she's going through a divorce. This isn't a good mix so both of you need space to deal with your own issues.

However, I want you to know and understand that while the two of you are sorting out your life your might never ever become one again in the future. So know that and I wish you the best on your journey. Right now you need to focus on you and your issues.

[hholter3]

Thank you. I've made an appointment with a psychologist and I feel at this point that I need to make a change - I can only tilt at windmills for so long.

I agree that we both need the time and space - as selfish as I want to be, if it is better for her and the kids then it is automatically better for me - I can't say that I love them and feel otherwise.

It is a shock how everything spiraled out of control so quickly - I can barely read it without cringing. I feel ashamed that I did that to someone that loved me enough to put themselves out there and would be there for me.

I understand that we may not end up together, but I want it.

Thank you.

[artlady]

thank you. I've made an appointment with a psychologist and I feel at this point that I need to make a change - I can only tilt at windmills for so long.

I agree that we both need the time and space - as selfish as I want to be, if it is better for her and the kids then it is automatically better for me - I can't say that I love them and feel otherwise.

it is a shock how everything spiraled out of control so quickly - I can barely read it without cringing. I feel ashamed that I did that to someone that loved me enough to put themselves out there and would be there for me.

I understand that we may not end up together, but I want it.

thank you.

Understanding is the beginning of all good things ,for everyone.
Many blessings.. Michele

[talaniman]

Artlady, and Liz, are very correct as neither of you is healed enough from your past relationships to be in another one this soon. Getting help is a good decision though! Good Luck!

[heartbroke]

I had been single for maybe 10 hours when we met, but had seen her online profile on some match site and had admired her but never been able to contact her - and then 10 hours after my prior girlfriend had ended our relationship her sister offered to introduce me, with me not knowing who it was until I saw the picture -

You were still emotionally involved with someone else to see clearly

She told me she needed time to work on her life and get a divorce get her life straightened out, and that it wasn't me, and that I could wait for her.

She told you what she needs, respect her decision.

I have a problem with paranoia and anxiety - it builds and I seem to lose control of my emotions but I've never tried to seek help
My anxiety centered on her soon to be ex-husband and I felt jealous ( I don't know why ) and had trouble with those emotions - but we where able to work through it.

You need to have control over your emotions. Jealousy can destroy a relationship, showing signs of insecurity. Women need their partners to be secure and confident

I broke down and she held me and I felt reassured -

Women don't like signs of weakness it turns them off. She needs you to be strong. Show her you are strong, so that she is confident in being involved with someone she can trust and turn to.

she told me she needed time and she was going to get her divorce etc.

what should I do?

Give her what she needs... time