[Som3Guy]

:D Hi. Quick intro. I'm 20. Sophomore - Computer Science. 1 Girlfriend. Lasted 7 Months. I dumped her. She's now my best friend GF for almost 2 years haha. I'm pretty shy, a total geek, but I love basketball (I'm pretty tall standing at 6'3")

So I'll get right to business. My judgement sucks. I thought some girls were flirting with me and tried to talk to them only to find out both had boyfriends. So it was hard enough to have to courage to go up to them only to had myself awarded with a disappointment. What am I doing wrong? Should I wait a girl to make a move if I think she is flirting? There are some pretty girls at college and at the bus I take to work. How can I approach them? Should I approach them? I think I look good and I'm pretty laid back and don't care much about anything, but I think confidence is more attractive then good looks right?

Let me know what you all think. Sorry for my spelling, not really american. Thank you in advance. I'm new to this website so be gentle ;)

[taaam]

Approaching a woman for the first time is considerate the hardest part for some, but when you have completed the first task. The rest will fall in.

Women can tell whether you have confidence in yourself or just being cocky, and they like it when you're shining with confidence (but don't overdo it though). Most girls want to have the guy to make the first move, so it's up to you to approach them. And you're telling that you're not a bad looking guy, so your look is not a problem.

You're doing nothing wrong, if you think a girl is flirting with you, then flirt back! Have fun, make them laugh, in overall, just be yourself! And if all goes well and you feel ready, then ask them out for dinner, movie or something like that.

You can always watch movies, which can be helpful with how to approach someone, for example Hitch with Will Smith.

[Som3Guy]

I will try but it's pretty hard after you failed twice. I kind of shutoff in this area but a part of me still wants it that's why I posted here. There's a girl I can't understand. I thought she was interested and went to talk to her. It didn't went so well, she acted busy and cutted me off. But now she keeps staring at me and when I look at her she looks aways. She stalks me around and it sometimes when I'm just erm.. chilling.. she goes in front of me like 10 times. I think she's just playing with me and likes the attention, but why would she need it if she has a boyfriend? Weird. Thanks for the advice bro. Hope someone else can add something too.

[taaam]

Yeah, I know it's hard to be rejected, but hey.. you don't lose anything from a rejection, at least you tried.

Some girls play hard to get. When she acts busy it either means:

1. I'm not interested
2. Try harder, stupid

You have to find out which one of them is the correct one. Start with casual talking, don't come on too strong. It will just scare them away.

Girls with boyfriends is redflagged, which means no-go. Leave them alone.

[Som3Guy]

Well I guess I should try to figure it out then. I always go with casual talking, like: "Hello, how are you, what classes do you take?." and so on and so forth. That's fine enough I guess right?

About the boyfriend, I'm trying to leave her alone but she doesn't leave me alone, it's like everywhere I look around my eyes meet hers. I'm starting to like it. That's dangerous :P

Thank you :D

[Som3Guy]

Guys. I think I'm falling for the girl with the boyfriend. Thing is I'm leaving from this college at the end of the year. I wish she could be with me, but I have no intentions whatsover that she breaks up with her boyfriend for me, and I don't think she ever would. So I think by the end of the year before leaving, I want to tell her how I feel, I mean everything just to lift this of my chest and don't leave anything hanging when I leave. Should I do it or that could lead to her emotional cheating? I'm quite sure she will just laugh at me but so what right? Life is full of risks, at least I tried you know?
Sorry if I'm not making myself clear enough, and please read everything before bashing with "sorry of limits" , etc. comments. :D Thank you for your time wtv your comments are.

[talaniman]

No guy, you are not falling for this girl who has a boyfriend, your just allowing the excitement and thrill to flavor your judgment. Hey big difference, and its thrilling and DISTRACTING. That's what leads you down a false path. You like the feeling! Who wouldn't, but don't be deceived as fact is she is off limits so unavailable for anything other than a friendship.

Talaniman Rule- Never get so carried away by feelings that you can't see the facts.

Talaniman Rule- Never get so wrapped up with wanting something, when you know you can't have it.

Talaniman Rules-Never assume that your feelings are shared by any one else.

Talaniman Rule - Never ever get to close to a person that has a committed partner in their lives.

[I wish]

Try reading this sticky, it might give you some insight: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...ip-463250.html

It's always tricky to pursue a girl who is already committed to a relationship. Be prepared for the possible consequences.

[Som3Guy]

No guy, you are not falling for this girl who has a boyfriend, your just allowing the excitement and thrill to flavor your judgment. Hey big difference, and its thrilling and DISTRACTING. Thats what leads you down a false path. You like the feeling! Who wouldn't, but don't be deceived as fact is she is off limits so unavailable for anything other than a friendship.

Talaniman Rule- Never get so carried away by feelings that you can't see the facts.

Talaniman Rule- Never get so wrapped up with wanting something, when you know you can't have it.

Talaniman Rules-Never assume that your feelings are shared by any one else.

Talaniman Rule - Never ever get to close to a person that has a committed partner in their lives.

I think you might be right, I tend to rush things when I get excited and jump into conclusions. I assume when you say "wanting something" as in a relationship way. If so, I kind of agree with you. So I should keep this to myself and just forget about it while she is taken? (I'm not going to wait for her or anything.) But then again, I don't want to loose contact, even though I don't know much about her because I'm too scared to talk to her again, I think we could be good friends. I mean, I don't want to close this door for good. Or should I? I have a lot on my mind right now hahahaha help me figure out what I'm saying :D

I made into the college basketball team, maybe that's a way to distract my mind with other things. I'm starting to hang out with people from my work right now, it has been almost 2 months since I started so before that I was kind of out of place, that's another thing to do. I know I won't forget about her, but at least I will keep myself busy enough not to think about it. I'm sorry if this is too much, I tend to over-analyze things too.

[talaniman]

Not to worry. Just relax as friendships are natural and will flow without you having to force anything. It's that way with a relationship also. You don't have to force it.

Relax, enjoy yourself, as life will give you other options, and opportunities at love, romance, friendships, and relationships.

[Som3Guy]

Not to worry. Just relax as friendships are natural and will flow without you having to force anything. Its that way with a relationship also. You don't have to force it.

Relax, enjoy yourself, as life will give you other options, and opportunities at love, romance, friendships, and relationships.

:) I think that settle's it then. I'm still young, there are plenty of opportunities for me yet like you said. Thank you and thank you all who answered. This website is great. :D

[Som3Guy]

Threads merged



So I'm really anti-social, I don't talk much outside my group of friends, but I never treat people with disrespect, I just don't go too much deeper into any conversation. So I don't have any problem talking to strangers in a regular basis, but I'm incredibly shy when the subject is a girl that I'm interested.

That's the situation now, there is this girls who goes on the same college as me and she is doing Civil/Engineering, apparently besides being beautifull she is really nice, a family girl, just like myself. I don't know much about her besides what I have been told, and I'm 100% sure she doesn't even know I exist, maybe I'm a familiar face because I see her everyday at college. I have a very good friend at her class and I think he could be my ticket in, or not, I want to know what you all think, what should be my approach, it's really hard for me to come with something up out of nowhere, specially not knowing her. Fun fact: She's in my fantasy football league for the third year in a row haha. Maybe I should go from there too if she joins for the fourth.

Thanks for the help guys/gals.

[Homegirl 50]

The fantasy foorball league is a place to start. You can always make it a point to say hello to her when you see her. This way you know you are at least on her radar.
Good luck

[BlackVY]

Its always good to be yourself.

Just be friends with her, be friendly as you would with anyone else. Maybe eventually, drop a few subtle hints and flirt a little, but not too much. Don't scare her away.

As Homegirl said.. it starts with a "Hi" and a smile... :)

[Jake2008]

There are pros and cons to stepping outside your comfort level, no matter what your age is.

Bonus for you because she is in the same educational ballpark as you are, obviously bright, and already you have something in common with her.

That your friend is in one of her classes is a bonus as well. Sometimes it's just easier to go discretely through a third party to test the waters. That's how I met my husband. A mutual friend set us up for a blind date, and here we are years later.

Anyway, nothing ventured nothing gained. And if you think about that, you will see that asking her to simply go for coffee is a small request, easy to accept, quite innocent, and easy to get out of if necessary.

Make a point of saying 'hi!' with a smile as already been suggested, so that she isn't totally in the dark when and if you decide to have your friend help you out. She will be perhaps a bit more comfortable accepting because of the mutual friend- you wouldn't be a total unknown, somebody can vouch for you.

No matter how you go about doing this, just do it! She will either say no, thanks anway, or sure, why not.

Good luck.

[Som3Guy]

Thank you for the wonderful answers guys. I agree with you all and I'll try to put your advice in use. But now I'm embarrassed to talk to my friend about this, I mean, today I lost my chance because we have lunch together but I got caught up on work today and arrived too late, he had already finished and was in a hurry. But how do I come up with this subject with him? Should be in person or internet chat is OK? I'm afraid he might tell her or something.. I guess I'm overthinking again, I always do. I should just do it. But any suggestion on how to talk to him about it?

[Jake2008]

Take the precaution of saying that he must respect the confidentiality of what you need to talk to him about.

There are no guarantees, but I would think he'd look like a dimwit if he blabbed. Most likely he won't.

Best to talk to him in person so that you get a feel for how it's all going to go down. If he is willing and is happy you are taking that 'middle' step, it will likely go well.

I don't see a problem if you can't meet up in person, to IM him.

For now it is just a possibility that he will make an enquiry for you. May as well just do it.

Please post with how it goes.

[Homegirl 50]

He is your friend. Just ask him if he would talk to her find out if she knows who you are, maybe put in a good word; my friend would like to meet you, have a coffee with you.

[Som3Guy]

Hey everybody. Keeping y'all up to date.
Today I lost my friend for lunch again. Darn. I'm drowning on my work(developing a Baja vehicle, pretty cool, not quite something that impresses girls though) so I'm having some late lunches, I managed to talk to him for a few minutes, even mentioned the girl but I had the feeling that with him, it's a no-go. I said something like: "Hey we need to organize a new fantasy league huh? Then you could invite that cute friend of yours and so.."
But he acted disinterested.. so I felt that the subject died with him, too bad.

Now I'm left with 3 options I guess.
1. Wait until the football season starts(close to 3 months away) and so does the fantasy so I can talk to her without being a complete stranger.
2. Talk to her in person at school - Pretty difficult, first, I suck at this, second, she's always packed, it's either a bunch of guys, and not the good ones, the class skippers ones, or it's a girl or two who she is friends with. How should I do it, wait until she is finally alone? Take her away from the horde (lol). This one is going to take a huge amount of manhood if you know what I mean, need to step up.
3. I found her at myspace, maybe I should add her with a comment like: "I recognized you from school by your picture, I'm doing bla bla bla. Recognized your name aswell, we are on the same fantasy league, do you know my friend bla bla bla, by the way do you have MSN or something , we should talk sometime , cya." And then I become friends with her while I hide behind my notebook :P. Easiest and lamest of the choices, but my best chance I guess..

Tell me what you think. And yes, I'm not the 'just-do-it' type of guy. I like to plan things, that's why I work with project/design and not manufacture hahahaha.

[BlackVY]

A really quick opinion of your 3 options is:

1) 3 months is quite a while away... and she could find someone else in that amount of time. Just saying...

2) Talking to her at school in person seems like the natural and best idea here, but its not easy to get a girl away from a group of guys and it is quite scary going up to a group of people to talk to someone you have a crush on, while the rest of the people in the group listen or comment. Taking her away might embarrass her too. Waiting till she is alone is OK, but how long could you end up waiting if she is a popular girl who is seldom or never alone?

3) I think this is the worst idea, sorry to say. I mean it sounds stalker-ish or just weird. Myspace chats are best when you kind of know the person at least, so they don't think you are a creep who was been searching for them on the net.


My idea would be still to just say hi to her in school, make simple small talk in class, if you have any classes together, either about the homework or just the class itself. Just till she knows your name, your face and that you are not a weirdo. No offense at all here, just saying some people might take it the wrong way when people talk to them out of nowhere. Lol!

If you still can't talk to her much at class or outside the classroom due to the huge number of people she hangs out with, and if she knows your name and stuff due to your small talk in class, then you could try to talk to her a little on Myspace, saying something like "Hey, I say you on a friend's page and recognized you from class... How's it going?"... something like that... Just suggestions..

So my idea is basically get her to know you are alive, you exist and you are not weird. Then get to know her a little, take your time and don't rush into anything or come off too creepy... Again, no offense intended here at all...