[peekcachu]

UPDATE:

I saw my ex on match.com and saw that he has viewed my profile. I text and said I saw his profile and thought he was charming. I asked to meet him so we can get to know each other (as if this was our first time talking). It was casual and with no expectation (really). A day after, I got a "that sounds nice." I texted back and said that next Sunday would be a great time for us to meet. I got back a "maybe, have to see my work schedule." I texted "sounds good." I hope this is not a mistake.

[CarrotTalker]

UPDATE:

I saw my ex on match.com and saw that he has viewed my profile. I text and said I saw his profile and thought he was charming. I asked to meet him so we can get to know each other (as if this was our first time talking). It was casual and with no expectation (really). A day after, I got a "that sounds nice." I texted back and said that next sunday would be a great time for us to meet. I got back a "maybe, have to see my work schedule." I texted "sounds good." I hope this is not a mistake.

OMG!! ITS A MISTAKE!!!!

ABORT MISSION!! :eek::eek::eek:

[friend4u178]

Have you not learnt anything from your time here??


Your going straight back to square one :rolleyes:

[peekcachu]

:(:confused:

[kp2171]

Most recent update:

UPDATE:

I saw my ex on match.com and saw that he has viewed my profile. I text and said I saw his profile and thought he was charming. I asked to meet him so we can get to know each other (as if this was our first time talking). It was casual and with no expectation (really). A day after, I got a "that sounds nice." I texted back and said that next Sunday would be a great time for us to meet. I got back a "maybe, have to see my work schedule." I texted "sounds good." I hope this is not a mistake.

And original post:

Background info: dated my ex for about 3 years (3 this March). We broke up many times due to me being childish and playing games.

And you still are.

This is ridiculous.

Seriously?

Does he knows that this is you from your profile? Or are you hiding that?

[darkdays]

Good question, does he know it's you?
You need to quit stalking this guy.

[kp2171]

I don't have the patience to wait for clarification...

scenario one: he knows its you and you guys are flirting.
Don't get back together unless what was broken has been identified and addressed. Unless you just need to get back together so you can initiate the last breakup. Or something.

Sounds to me like this is another attempt to boost your ego, which we all have, but when it leads to mistake after mistake, it's a problem.

If you are flirting with him and he knows its you... all you've done is tried for the easy fix.

scenario two: he isnt aware that this is actually you
This would be a childish game. Nothing more to add.

Wish there was a scenario three... anything more palitable than the other two...

So... make me want to come back to this thread and give advice... because I'm not feeling it right now...

[amicon]

You're still playing games-why?

Do yourself a favour and leave him alone.

Heal and move on.

[peekcachu]

I texted him from my phone, so yes, he knows it me. I told him my name and made it honest to him that I saw him on match.com.

[kp2171]

So it isn't the worst case scenario. That's good.

But you are flirting and looking to hook back up maybe...

All ill say there is if you both aren't willing to do a real inventory of what's been broken and how it will be different this time... you're just spinning your wheels.

And maybe you need to do that. At some point you either get traction or you get bored to death going nowhere and you stop it.

I simply see this as a "quick fix" to your not wanting to be alone.

Its OK to not want to be alone... but its not OK to play the games you've played. Honestly, if he would write in here, we'd tell him to do NC and probably run the other way... the games don't need to be played and they won't sustain your need for attention.

[peekcachu]

I understand what you are saying. I am aware of what I did to end the relationship. I am willing to put in the work.

[peekcachu]

I am very afraid that I'm getting my false hope up(again). I'm telling myself that I have to SHOW him I've changed. I'm afraid that he will give me a try again and then decide to dump me again.

But I'm getting a head of myself. Its Monday and I asked for a Sunday meeting. I'm going to let things be the way they are. If he texts me back, he texts me back. If he says he can't make it, I will be prepared for it and take it as a hint.

I've posted up photos of me before I met him to help me get my self-confidence back. I have photos of family and friends (more than normal). I know he is very hesitant to talk to me (it took him a whole day to respond to my phone text- although I wasn't even expecting a response) and I'm a afraid that he will regret his decision and I'm here thinking that there might be some hope (I will try to prepare if there isn't)

[talaniman]

Harshness Warning

Oh get off the pity pot! My gosh you don't even need him to be a happy healthy person, nor should you even be with him, or any one else, until you are happy with yourself, and make changes to yourself, for yourself, and no one else.

That's my advice, for once take responsibility for yourself, and prove to yourself, you need no one to be happy, but you.

Then you will have something good to share, and not the needy, insecure person you are now.

Until then get real, and get busy, and tell the ex, you have work to do.

[friend4u178]

I am very afraid that I'm getting my false hope up(again).

It certainly does :cool:

I'm telling myself that I have to SHOW him I've changed.

You can't show someone you've pi55ed off that you've changed in one sitting , it takes time and he will only see any change if it's consistent and over a period with your actions. Anything else or rushed will just look desperate to him.

I'm afraid that he will give me a try again and then decide to dump me again.

)

He quite could , because at the moment your acting like a little puppy just sitting and waiting for him if he decides he wants a piece of you , I'm not for one minute suggesting he would stoop to that , but your making it available.



Bottom line is if you want to show this guy you can change then just change , and then let time be the judge. If he sees it and thinks that you have he may just come back , but I wouldn't bank on it. Once bitten twice shy in most cases.

[peekcachu]

Update:
I am so stuck. I want to get unstuck. My mind wondered to my ex. Again tonight. I'm writing my thoughts down and reading articles and advices, but I still feel pretty poopy!

[vanheart]

Use those feelings & lessons for someone or something down the road.

You say you want to move on, yet want to be back with him.

I say move ahead not backwards.

Who knows the things you may find & discover once you do that.

He really shouldn't be your focus anymore. Just you.

Want you want really & how you go about it.

Take a break, do some soul searching. Have patience too.

[peekcachu]

Thank you for your kinds words. I understand the honest and direct approach I've been reading, but a kind word goods a long way.

Thank you vanheart

[vanheart]

Of course.

Once you make that decision to move on & learn from this, hopefully you can apply that to other things.

And concentrate on what's good. Both within and everything else after.

We've been there & one thing I know is that wasting time on BS. Sad feelings and wrong people don't serve us one bit.

Its all about how you spend your time.

[talaniman]

We used to have the No Contact Calender, but it got so big, so fast, we had to move it.

It was a place member could share and support each other. Its in Members Discussions, but was a stickie
At one time.


Take a look, you will see you're hardly alone. Read the Stickies for more good ideas.

[friend4u178]

thank you for your kinds words. I understand the honest and direct approach I've been reading, but a kind word goods a long way.

thank you vanheart

I agree and apologise if any of my posts have upset you in any way.

Unfortunately sometimes we need to be a bit harsh until reality sinks in , particularly when the dumped fall back after making some positive steps and don't know how to get back up themselves.

We're all here to help and see you get through to the end :)


Edit: You can find the No Contact Calender threads that Tal is talking about in the link below.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/other-member-discussions/