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m!sz89 · Mar 20, 2010, 10:53 AM

My sister just got married in January because her husband had to go to iraq but the wedding is shortly after he gets beck in sept. me and her are like oil and water.. we don't see eye to eye about anything... although I was her witness when they got married I was still shocked she chose me to be her maid of honor.. about a month or so ago me and her got into a monumental argument and I told her I didn't want to be her maid of honor and the sad thing is I think I meant it.. although I meant it I still feel bad because I am her only sister.. but she has tons of friends... I was just asking the brides or brides to be if this is a big deal or will she eventually get over it.

Fr_Chuck · Mar 20, 2010, 11:57 AM

It is a big honor and it is also a big insult when you either refuse or back out.

This is to them a once in a life time event, one of the most important things they will ever do.

** terms, they may have a service when they get back, but it is not a wedding, it may be a blessing, they can only get married once, so the real wedding was before he left

DG · Mar 20, 2010, 12:07 PM

My wife's best friend at the time of are wedding was to be her brides maid,she back out a month before.
That was 36 years ago they still do not speak.

m!sz89 · Mar 20, 2010, 12:32 PM

Wow... 36 years without speaking? Me and my sister haven't spoken in a month an it feels like forever...

dontknownuthin · Mar 22, 2010, 09:04 AM

Yeah, that's pretty hurtful. I think you need to apologize and not make any excuses for it. As for meaning it, yeah, I can understand. My sister is one of the closest people to me but she is also among the most annoying, patience trying people I've ever met.

At some point you both have to learn to be more tolerant, keep snippy remarks to yourselves and not start the fights. If you stop being irritants to each other, which is often just a bad habit, you might end up finding out that both of you have outdated perceptions of each other. It's not uncommon for family to still treat one another like the person they were as children, totally oblivious to the fact that they've all grown up and matured in the interim.

Start acting mature, and your sister will eventually notice and hopefully be inspired to do the same.

m!sz89 · Mar 22, 2010, 08:40 PM

As of apologizing, I don't see that happening.. I only appologize where I feel like I was at fault or wrong. And seeing as I dony want to do it, I feel that I had to tell her at some point

dontknownuthin · Mar 23, 2010, 08:41 AM

I think that backing out of her wedding in the heat of an argument was a low blow. You can stick to your guns but the cost may be your sister, and a huge rift that runs through the entire family. Rarely are these big arguments one sided and being willing to apologize for our own part in it is a very healing thing. You can choose not to but then what's the point of your question - you want to know if it was hurtful, and of course you already know it was. Then what? Your satisfied that you hurt her and will leave it at that? Seems wrong to me.

m!sz89 · Mar 23, 2010, 09:50 PM

The last question was the main one.. will she get over it... I am not satisfied because I hurt her because that was not the overall intention.. I admit it came out at the WRONG time but I only wanted commentary from people who knew/know more on this topic than I do

dontknownuthin · Mar 24, 2010, 08:23 AM

You kind of take your chances who's commentary you will get on here. I'm honestly trying to help you mend a rift with your sister because the answer is, yes, it's very hurtful. Whether she will get over it depends on her, and on how many other hurtful things add up. I don't personally hold grudges and would move past something like this if my sister did it to me, as she would do for me. However, these things are never forgotten and over time, they can erode the trust and closeness of the relationship. Sometimes it's better to fight for a relationship than to fight to be correct. Best wishes to you.