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miken2005 · Sep 11, 2009, 08:50 AM

Hi me and my girlfriend are having serious issues right now.
Im 21 she's 20 and we've been together for about two years. Were also engaged. Now from viewing we seem like the perfect couple we love each other so much. The problem has occurred out of the blue. Basically as a joke I said we should go on an 1 month open relationship she said yes and was serious about this. I didn't like it but hey I thought if that's what she wanst/needs than so be it. Anyway we both gave ground rules and one person each who was a no go. Within the first day of this she got completely wasted and kissed such guy. She told me how happy she felt, that it was the happiest she's felt in a long time, having the freedom to be able to what she wants. She has now admitted to having feelings for him. Now she is also stressed out with uni and she's scared were in a rut, and were in a habit. She's asked for some space which I will give to her. I don't know whether she needs space and then we will be fine or she's falling out of love with me and in love with this guy. I mean it could just be lust. We have still kissed and she still said she loved me. She's so confused and she doesn't know what she wants. I'm scared if I giver her space she's just going to use it as a way of seeing if her and the guy are compatible and the like. I love her so much, I don't want her to leave. We've had our ups and downs surely this can't be the end. Its come just out of the blue. Any advice??

I wish · Sep 11, 2009, 09:37 AM

Nothing much you can do at this point. You can tell her how you feel and she's going to have to decide what to do.

It's not about this new guy. It's about her feelings for you. If she really cared about you, she will come back to you in a committed relationship. If she continues to want space, chances are she's moving on with her life and letting you down easy.

Forcing her to come back into a relationship with you is just going to push her away. So leave her alone until she figures things out. She will find you when she's ready. While you wait, move forward with your life. Don't put your life on hold for her. Just keep doing your thing.

There's nothing you can do about her, because feelings can't be forced. If her feelings for you have changed, then you can't do anything about it.

Be glad that the two of you are figuring things out now before you commit to a marriage.

Check out the stickies at the top of the relationship section:
Relationships - Ask Me Help Desk

Especially:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...kup-78597.html
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ed-123862.html

amicon · Sep 11, 2009, 09:37 AM

If she wants space you re going to have to give it to her-you can't stop her.I don't think this has come straight out of the blue-for reasons of her own she wants freedom to do things her way never mind what you think or feel.its a tough call but I think you should step away from this for a while and let her get on with it.

miken2005 · Sep 11, 2009, 09:45 AM

We've just decided on a split, with a view to a break. I think she's just letting me down easy. How to deal with heartbreak. Please

amicon · Sep 11, 2009, 09:52 AM

Make sure you have people to talk to-keep busy-read the N C sticky and the other stickies and hang in there.

jimseekinadvice · Sep 11, 2009, 11:21 AM

No contact, avoid the friend zone, heal and try to move on.. if she wants you she'll find you. Keep busy.. the first month or two are the hardest I wish you luck.

talaniman · Sep 11, 2009, 12:20 PM

Sorry it worked out that way, but in the long run, it was probably for the best. Hard to see it that way now though, it still sucks.

ZoeMarie · Sep 11, 2009, 12:29 PM

I'm sorry you guys broke up, it's going to be hard to look on the bright side yet, but you're young. You've got your whole life ahead of you. I was engaged at that age too and we didn't stay together. We realized neither one of us was ready to get married and just parted ways. Hang in there and like everyone else is saying, stick to no contact.

LJDK · Oct 5, 2009, 05:49 AM

Sorry to hear about your breakup. There is someone better out there for you.

Ash123 · Oct 5, 2009, 09:10 PM

I think you both know you are too young to be engaged, so you risked you played relationship roulette. You kind of... lost. Now be strong and say you all probably shouldn't do that again. Tell her you'll give her some space and if you restart your relationship - no more drunk games.. personally, I'd say wait 2 years before going out again, but I know that seems impossible... so, good luck and don't freak out. She's as confused as you are...