Ask Experts Questions for FREE Help !
Ask
    miken2005's Avatar
    miken2005 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Sep 11, 2009, 08:50 AM
    My fiancé needs space but she also has feelings for another man.
    Hi me and my girlfriend are having serious issues right now.
    Im 21 she's 20 and we've been together for about two years. Were also engaged. Now from viewing we seem like the perfect couple we love each other so much. The problem has occurred out of the blue. Basically as a joke I said we should go on an 1 month open relationship she said yes and was serious about this. I didn't like it but hey I thought if that's what she wanst/needs than so be it. Anyway we both gave ground rules and one person each who was a no go. Within the first day of this she got completely wasted and kissed such guy. She told me how happy she felt, that it was the happiest she's felt in a long time, having the freedom to be able to what she wants. She has now admitted to having feelings for him. Now she is also stressed out with uni and she's scared were in a rut, and were in a habit. She's asked for some space which I will give to her. I don't know whether she needs space and then we will be fine or she's falling out of love with me and in love with this guy. I mean it could just be lust. We have still kissed and she still said she loved me. She's so confused and she doesn't know what she wants. I'm scared if I giver her space she's just going to use it as a way of seeing if her and the guy are compatible and the like. I love her so much, I don't want her to leave. We've had our ups and downs surely this can't be the end. Its come just out of the blue. Any advice??
    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,296, Reputation: 2030
    Family & People Expert
     
    #2

    Sep 11, 2009, 09:37 AM
    Nothing much you can do at this point. You can tell her how you feel and she's going to have to decide what to do.

    It's not about this new guy. It's about her feelings for you. If she really cared about you, she will come back to you in a committed relationship. If she continues to want space, chances are she's moving on with her life and letting you down easy.

    Forcing her to come back into a relationship with you is just going to push her away. So leave her alone until she figures things out. She will find you when she's ready. While you wait, move forward with your life. Don't put your life on hold for her. Just keep doing your thing.

    There's nothing you can do about her, because feelings can't be forced. If her feelings for you have changed, then you can't do anything about it.

    Be glad that the two of you are figuring things out now before you commit to a marriage.

    Check out the stickies at the top of the relationship section:
    Relationships - Ask Me Help Desk

    Especially:
    https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...kup-78597.html
    https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ed-123862.html
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
    Uber Member
     
    #3

    Sep 11, 2009, 09:37 AM
    If she wants space you re going to have to give it to her-you can't stop her.I don't think this has come straight out of the blue-for reasons of her own she wants freedom to do things her way never mind what you think or feel.its a tough call but I think you should step away from this for a while and let her get on with it.
    miken2005's Avatar
    miken2005 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #4

    Sep 11, 2009, 09:45 AM

    We've just decided on a split, with a view to a break. I think she's just letting me down easy. How to deal with heartbreak. Please
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
    Uber Member
     
    #5

    Sep 11, 2009, 09:52 AM

    Make sure you have people to talk to-keep busy-read the N C sticky and the other stickies and hang in there.
    jimseekinadvice's Avatar
    jimseekinadvice Posts: 63, Reputation: 42
    Junior Member
     
    #6

    Sep 11, 2009, 11:21 AM

    No contact, avoid the friend zone, heal and try to move on.. if she wants you she'll find you. Keep busy.. the first month or two are the hardest I wish you luck.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
    Expert
     
    #7

    Sep 11, 2009, 12:20 PM

    Sorry it worked out that way, but in the long run, it was probably for the best. Hard to see it that way now though, it still sucks.
    ZoeMarie's Avatar
    ZoeMarie Posts: 2,049, Reputation: 468
    Ultra Member
     
    #8

    Sep 11, 2009, 12:29 PM

    I'm sorry you guys broke up, it's going to be hard to look on the bright side yet, but you're young. You've got your whole life ahead of you. I was engaged at that age too and we didn't stay together. We realized neither one of us was ready to get married and just parted ways. Hang in there and like everyone else is saying, stick to no contact.
    LJDK's Avatar
    LJDK Posts: 281, Reputation: 25
    Full Member
     
    #9

    Oct 5, 2009, 05:49 AM

    Sorry to hear about your breakup. There is someone better out there for you.
    Ash123's Avatar
    Ash123 Posts: 1,793, Reputation: 305
    Ultra Member
     
    #10

    Oct 5, 2009, 09:10 PM

    I think you both know you are too young to be engaged, so you risked you played relationship roulette. You kind of... lost. Now be strong and say you all probably shouldn't do that again. Tell her you'll give her some space and if you restart your relationship - no more drunk games.. personally, I'd say wait 2 years before going out again, but I know that seems impossible... so, good luck and don't freak out. She's as confused as you are...

Not your question? Ask your question View similar questions

 

Question Tools Search this Question
Search this Question:

Advanced Search

Add your answer here.


Check out some similar questions!

Girlfriend left because she needed space. Giving her space, but how do I get her back [ 14 Answers ]

My girlfriend of 1 1/2 years broke up with me. She said that she needed space. The reasoning behind this is that she says she just felt unhappy for a while, because of some of my actions. I love her dearly, and I have been giving her the space she has requested. She says that she loves me, but...

My fianc? Asked for space and asked me to move out. [ 11 Answers ]

My fiancé and I have one child together. She has a child with an ex. The child is autistic (found out this year). We have been fighting a lot because of the stress from therapy and all of his app. We have not been having sex a lot lately and not been getting along because she is having a hard time...

My fiancŽ Needs Space and Wants A Break [ 14 Answers ]

All right, This situation is something I have never seen before. Before I even start, I'm 26 years old, and she just turned 21.. which could be the issue. Anyway, we have been dating for 1 year and 1 month, we got engaged 7 months into our relationship down in Florida overlooking the gulf of...

FiancŽ left and in two days has feelings for someone else? [ 9 Answers ]

Hi. I am new here. My heart is broken after my fiancé left a week ago. First let me say I am 47 and he is 31 though we had similar interests and we don't look far off in age. We had been living together for two years and got engaged four months ago. Though we travelled on vacations that were great,...

My fianc [ 3 Answers ]

I have been with my fiancé for 2 1/2 years now. I took on her daughter as my own daughter. We have been going on fine, but she now says that she wants space. I looked at the time on her phone the other night, and she had a new message. It was from a lad saying that he missed her etc.. I have...


View more questions Search