[Ambreen28]

Hi, I am a New member here so please bear with me!

I am with a Married man I have been with him for nearly 3years previously before I was also with a Married man.
Well yes you may think I am stupid, I met my boyfriend whilst I was married but was having problems with husband so I left him. My boyfriend got married when he was 16, he never saw his wife until the wedding day (arrange marriage). When I met him he told me that him and his wife are like friends and they don't have no sexual contact since there last child. He has 3 kids and 1 daughter here.

I believed what he said that's the reason why I am still with him but now I am having doubts, he is at his wife's house all the time he even sleeps there, he says to me he be's at work during the day which I don't believe. What do I do now? When I tell him to leave me alone I don't want this kind of relationship, he just does not listen he still comes here for a bit and acts like everything is OK.She obviously means something to him for him to be there all the time.

I never thought I would ever date married men but that's all that's been happening who ever I meet is married? Why?

[sully123]

Sorry Ambreen, but you have wasted three years with this man. You left your marriage, and it sounds like he has no intentions of leaving his wife and children. Those kind of relationships very rarely work out.I think you should think more of yourself than to settle for a married man, he is playing two women at the same time. I don't understand why you would put yourself in a situation like that, there are plenty of men out there, that you can have all too yourself.

[Alty]

Oh my, your boyfriend is cheating on you with his wife!

Of course he sleeps at her place, they're married. You're just a mistress, you don't have any rights in this "relationship".

Of course he keeps coming back, why wouldn't he? He has an eager women that's been there for him for 3 years, why would he leave?

This isn't love, you're at a dead end, the only one getting anything out of this is your boyfriend.

End it, find someone who's free to give himself to you, heart, body and soul, this man isn't and never will be.

You knew he was married, so you have only yourself to blame. This is what happens when you mess around with other women's husbands.

[Ambreen28]

Oh my, your boyfriend is cheating on you with his wife!

Of course he sleeps at her place, they're married. You're just a mistress, you don't have any rights in this "relationship".

Of course he keeps coming back, why wouldn't he? He has an eager women that's been there for him for 3 years, why would he leave?

This isn't love, you're at a dead end, the only one getting anything out of this is your boyfriend.

End it, find someone who's free to give himself to you, heart, body and soul, this man isn't and never will be.

You knew he was married, so you have only yourself to blame. This is what happens when you mess around with other women's husbands.

I am human to, I have a heart and I make mistakes you can call it what ever you want. In my religion men are allñwed to marry 4 women ( I'm not saying they should). I have relatives who have 2 wives so I don't see it as I have snatched anyone's husband. His wife has invited me over, has sent food for me and visa versa. Even she explained to me what kind of relationship hey had and has also told her husband to marry me. I am not the type who waits for her man and since all this has been going on I have not had sex with him. Please women that understand or have been in a similar situations help me please as I won't accept some people to understand. Thank you for your replies.

[Alty]

I am human to, i have a heart and i make mistakes u can call it what ever u want. In my religion men are allñwed to marry 4 women ( im not saying they should). I have relatives who have 2 wives so i dont see it as i have snatched anyones husband. His wife has invited me over, has sent food for me and visa versa. Even she explained to me what kind of relationship hey had and has also told her husband to marry me. I am not the type who waits for her man and since all this has been going on i have not had sex with him. Please women that understand or have been in a similar situations help me please as i wont accept some people to understand. Thankyou for your replies.

Well, all this info wasn't in your original post, we base our answers on what you tell us.

Where do you live? Certainly not in the States or Canada, it's illegal to marry more than one person.

So, if he loves you so much and his wife is okay with your relationship with him and it's legal for him to have more than one wife, then why doesn't he marry you?

I don't understand your situation, hopefully someone who understands your culture will come along and give you some advice.

Good luck.

[Ambreen28]

Well, all this info wasn't in your original post, we base our answers on what you tell us.

Where do you live? Certainly not in the States or Canada, it's illegal to marry more than one person.

So, if he loves you so much and his wife is okay with your relationship with him and it's legal for him to have more than one wife, then why doesn't he marry you?

I don't understand your situation, hopefully someone who understands your culture will come along and give you some advice.

Good luck.

We can not get married yet as my ex is not divorcing me.. It is illegal in the u.k to but I am a muslim and our culture allows the men to marry 4 times but there has to be a strong reason. Sorry if I came accros aggressive.
Thank you.

[Alty]

We can not get married yet as my ex is not divorcing me..It is illegal in the u.k to but i am a muslim and our culture allows the men to marry 4 times but there has to be a strong reason. Sorry if i came accros aggressive.
Thankyou.

No problem.

I wish I could give you better advice but I know nothing of the muslim religion.

Check back often, there are other muslims on the board, the weekends are usually pretty slow around here so it may take some time before they see your post.

Good luck with your future, I wish you the best.

[zeeniee]

Hey Ambreen,

Leave the married man- he will just get what he wants from you and when he is done- he will leave you- sorry fact. He is a cheater- and that what cheaters do.

I am sorry - I am a muslim and if I wanted a damm divorce- I would go and get it!

It has nothing to do with the muslim religion- if your man is not delivering as a good husband to his wife- she can request it! IT IS YOUR RIGHT!! . Period.


UK has good support for such things- you should look into it. I know the laws have changed a lot recently to accommodate with the changing society and cater for women in real need! Do you watch the news? Or keep in touch with community things? You should.

Why don't you take the ex and file a divorce through the courts like normal people do? Quite simple really!

The culture of marrying with 4 wives- hmmm- sorry it is unheard of in the UK- which part of UK are you based?? I am sorry but as a Brit myself I find this very curious and er... odd... strange!!

The UK I know, society has changed with the current times- we don't live in such dark ages and nor are the muslims so narrow-minded-you need to wake up FAST! It is 2009, not 420AD.

Please note a guy who has 4 wives has to deliver EQUALLY in ever way to all his wives! So guess your man better be a rich arab or something- as he will be a busy man!

[Ambreen28]

Hey Ambreen,

Leave the married man- he will just get what he wants from you and when he is done- he will leave you- sorry fact. He is a cheater- and that what cheaters do.

I am sorry - i am a muslim and if i wanted a damm divorce- i would go and get it!

It has nothing to do with the muslim religion- if your man is not delivering as a good husband to his wife- she can request it! IT IS YOUR RIGHT!! . Period.


UK has good support for such things- you should look into it. I know the laws have changed alot recently to accomodate with the changing society and cater for women in real need!! Do you watch the news?? or keep in touch with community things?? You should.

Why don't you take the ex and file a divorce thru the courts like normal people do?? Quite simple really!

The culture of marrying with 4 wives- hmmm- sorry it is unheard of in the UK- which part of UK are you based??? I am sorry but as a Brit myself i find this very curious and er.... odd...strange!!!!

The UK i know, society has changed with the current times- we dont live in such dark ages and nor are the muslims so narrow-minded-you need to wake up FAST! It is 2009, not 420AD.

Please note a guy who has 4 wives has to deliver EQUALLY in ever way to all his wives! So guess your man better be a rich arab or something- as he will be a busy man!!

Yes times change but your culture does not its rules do not change. I didn't say he wants 4 wives I was just explaining that. You obviously don't know much about your religion, you are just a muslim by name then not through your heart.I am going for a divorce it takes abit of time. When people come here to share there problems or want advice you should not judge them. I am somebodies mother,daughter, sister just because a married guy wants to be with me that does not mean I have lost everything. You have sisters and maybe have daughters, do you know what will happen in their future? No u don't and you should know our religion is against people that judge and in this world what goes around comes around.
I am not justifying what I have done but Come on people you don't put people down like that, I loved I didn't do a crime.

[Ambreen28]

Please think about my feelings to they say there's always a reason for how a person turns out to be in there liee, I never wanted to be with a married man, you talk as if I planned it.

[sweetgal21]

Hey Ambreen,

Leave the married man- he will just get what he wants from you and when he is done- he will leave you- sorry fact. He is a cheater- and that what cheaters do.

I am sorry - i am a muslim and if i wanted a damm divorce- i would go and get it!

It has nothing to do with the muslim religion- if your man is not delivering as a good husband to his wife- she can request it! IT IS YOUR RIGHT!! . Period.


UK has good support for such things- you should look into it. I know the laws have changed alot recently to accomodate with the changing society and cater for women in real need!! Do you watch the news?? or keep in touch with community things?? You should.

Why don't you take the ex and file a divorce thru the courts like normal people do?? Quite simple really!

The culture of marrying with 4 wives- hmmm- sorry it is unheard of in the UK- which part of UK are you based??? I am sorry but as a Brit myself i find this very curious and er.... odd...strange!!!!

The UK i know, society has changed with the current times- we dont live in such dark ages and nor are the muslims so narrow-minded-you need to wake up FAST! It is 2009, not 420AD.

Please note a guy who has 4 wives has to deliver EQUALLY in ever way to all his wives! So guess your man better be a rich arab or something- as he will be a busy man!!

I disagree, you are giving her a hard time. She came here for help and advice.

Hi Ambreen28..
I have friends in your situation and I do understand you but don't you think you should sit and talk to him?
This is your life, your decisions.
Ask him why he told you that him and his wife are like friends and nothing else?
Maybe he is innocent and really is there for his kids if that's the case you should tell him to make other arrangements that suit both of you.
I am in a similar situation but we are both divorced from our ex's and now I I have left him so he changes his ways if he does not then I don't want him.

If after you have spoken to him and nothing changes then consider leaving him, if he wanted to marry you he would have by now.

Goodluck!

[zeeniee]

Hi Ambreen 28,
I did not been to come out harsh- but the situation your in is not healthy and I have not come across society in UK that have more than one wives etc.

I think in the situation your in you will get hurt- his priority will always be on the wife and kids- and you will be a stand by/mistress- and that actually falls in any religion situation.

You should get help some help and support- from peers and community services which will point you to better and more diverse choices.

What do your family say on this? Do they know about the affair? If they do then maybe they can help you come away from this situation? Surely they would see how unhappy you are and how your just getting used.


Good luck.

[Ambreen28]

Sorry if I came across harsh, let me explain to you I had a father, mother brothers sisters just like you lot have families but when I turned 16years old,I was told that they were not my real parents and I was in a way given to them by a relative who had me at a young age and couldn't look after me.
That is when everything fell apart my life everything I didn't know what I was doing, I didn't know what to do now I understood why they were all different towards me.
I left home a few days after I found out and made a mistake maybe because I was not in a right frame of mind.

So where you say family? I have no family anymore I have struggled and done everything on my own 16yrsold onwards. So maybe I was a mistake altogether!

[zeeniee]

Hey Ambreen 28,


I am sorry to hear this.

Do you have any good friends that you can talk to in confidence- that can help you?

I don't know where you are based in the UK- but you can get help at community centers that can give you expert advice and help you get back on your feet for you and this can be done with confidence as well.

I can only imagine how very hard for you- but some help from someone who is not involved and is an expert with such things can be a good thing.

[Ambreen28]

I had a daughter when I turned 17, I was very young I could have given her away just like I was given away but no I brought her up she doesn't lack anything in her life. I gave up drinking, going out everything she made me strong now I have 2 daughters and I don't want this life for them. I am ready to leave him. But what do I do with my girls who are more closer to him, they wait for him every morning. I am guily because I have put them into this situation and all I want is some help from you. Please zeenie understand me.

[zeeniee]

I tried to post you a private message--

[zeeniee]

Hi Ambreen28,

I hear you well- I think you can get a lot of help- your very young and you have kids- I am sure you will get the right support from the right people.

I guess your priority is to take care of YOU and the KIDS. Full stop- do whatever you have to do to give your kids a good life- which I am sure you will as I can see your good will power as a mum.

Is there any friends you can ask for help?

Or even the police - I am sure they can point you to the relevant people that are experts with such situations

[Ambreen28]

Hey Ambreen 28,


I am sorry to hear this.

Do you have any good friends that you can talk to in confidence- that can help you?

I dont know where you are based in the UK- but you can get help at community centers that can give you expert advice and help you get back on your feet for you and this can be done with confidence as well.

I can only imagine how very hard for you- but some help from someone who is not involved and is an expert with such things can be a good thing.

I have not been able to talk to anyone I find it very hard and its painful for me I felt its easier to share my feeling here as I am not in front of you talking to you.

[zeeniee]

Yeah I can understand that- that's why I joined her as well.

Okay first thing is you need to know people will help- and so you need to get out and go and approach for help and sit down to them and explain everything- I am sure these experts deal with issues like this all the time.

Did you know arrange marriages are more or less banned now in the UK- so I heard. And so you need to realise that help is out there.

What are you thinking as your next steps?

How old are your kids?

[Ambreen28]

Hi Ambreen28,

I hear you well- i think you can get alot of help- your very young and you have kids- i am sure you will get the right support from the right people.

I guess your priority is to take care of YOU and the KIDS. full stop- do whatever you have to do to give your kids a good life- which i am sure you will as i can see your good will power as a mum.

Is there any friends you can ask for help?

Or even the police - i am sure they can point you to the relevant people that are experts with such situations

I haven't received PM ZEENIE. Thank you for understanding I will check my inbox again now.