[kaseejo]

I was involved with a married man for 26 months. It completely ended this week as he moved to Brazil. I've "read" so many true things about this type of relationship that I wish I had read BEFORE now... He and his wife had no children together. He met her while working in Brazil 12 years ago. She moved to USA with him... (while he was still separated from first wife of 17 yrs.). She left her three kids in Brazil... until he divorced his overweight/bipolar wife and married the hottie from Brazil. Trophy wife in bikini for him... "gringo/trophy wealthy husband for her." He eventually had her children brought here and finished raising them. As soon as youngest turned 18, his wife decided she no longer liked living in USA and moved back to Brazil permanently 3 yrs. Ago. He was contracted to work here 3 more years. He had been alone a year when I met him... we talked a lot... became friends... and "eventually"... lovers. Great chemistry... AND we talked about childhoods, our kids, how we grew up... He said I was best woman "friend" he ever had, best lover he ever had... and that he loved me as much as her and they had grown apart... He was jealous of me seeing any other men... In Feb. he told her about me... but by March... he was more distant with me... Instead of having his cake and eating it too... he had to make CHOICES. She depends on him financially like a two year old... and he LOVES money and didn't want to pay for divorce AGAIN in Brazil/USA BOTH. He didn't want to go there permanently and not see his friends, dad in Florida, daughter in Alabama, home state of MO... but he had work there for 1-1/2 yrs... a condo paid for on the ocean... and she is "paid for"... SO, he left yesterday. I'm sure he has lied to both of us... deceived both of us... not to say he is ALL bad... but he definitely looked out for #1! I've been so hurt and depressed! Not eating, not sleeping, not functioning, crying so much! One passage said women who get involved w/ married men are often not close to their fathers because of stepmothers. This is true for me... my dad said when I was about 14 that he and his new wife would get along better without me and it about killed me. My mother was very inconsistent in childhood as well. I relied primarily upon my dad's mom. My precious grandma who's gone now. So, he is gone far away with no reminders of me... and I'm in a small town with many memories and reminders and people who knew us both. He saw me openly... as his wife didn't have family here. Her oldest son is in Brazil. Other son and daughter are in USA permanently but not nearby...
MY QUESTION IS... How do I start to heal? How do I let go of the bitterness, rage, anger, and resentment. I DO realize that I have some ownership in the situation! However, he charmed, promised, manipulated, deceived... and I BELIEVED him! How do I learn WHO to trust... and WHAT a healthy relationship is when I've never had one? I'm seeing a counselor but she's OLD and not much help. I'm awaiting disability due to health which effects myself esteem also as I used to make good money and had job 18 yrs. I'm also 47! I've been divorced 17 years. I WANT to be happily married. Could have already married "money" but could not live and sleep with a man I didn't truly LOVE! "Nice" men seem boring, often insecure, clingy... I'm still fairly attractive for my age and petite... which in reality... only draws mostly the wrong men to me... younger ones, players, etc. I'm emotionally DRAINED, lost, depressed and disheartened. I KNOW I'm better off without the married man... but feel SO hurt because I believe he DID love me... I think he still wants me more than his wife... but doesn't want to pay the price to get rid of her... How do I get stronger emotionally, let go of the "good" memories... and rebuild my life and self esteem?

[bunnybear]

You sound so miserable,men can be cruel.

My sister is involved with a married man... has been for 6 years now.
And I find it sad,after he has made promise after promise after promise she still doesn't have him and she hasn't let go,like you she believes that he loves her.
She is beautiful,could be a model.. could have anyone.
I've noticed she just isn't herself,she is always depressed and sad because of this selfish man,she has let him bring her down but she still goes back for more.
He isn't making her happy... I want to slap her and tell her to get a grip.

He is married and he lied to you.. you just have to go through the motions of a break up
Every day will get better and really you are so much better off without him in your life.(I know you don't feel that way)
He doesn't have a good track record with woman,a serial cheater,who wants one of those ,rich or not.
Get your confidence back and realise that you are worth so much more.
He left your life so that a better man can walk through the door.
Karma,he will get his back.

[Romefalls19]

Read the stickies at the top of the forum and delete any sort of way of contacting him. It will take time but your wounds will heal

[talaniman]

Of course your wounded , hurt, and angry, as you now have a big hole in your life to fill. First forgive yourself, and get about rebuilding your life, with people, and activities that you enjoy. As Rome says the stickies are full of great suggestions for how to heal. There is a link in my signature.

For the future, never put someone on that kind of pedestal again, and never depend on anyone but you, to make yourself happy.