How can I get my ex girlfriend back?
All threads on this subject have been merged
Recently my girlfriend of 2 years told me that she wanted to take a break. We are in a long distance relationship but we have been together with each other for about a year. Right now I live in Japan and she lives in America and it's been 3 months that I haven't seen her in person. I always thought we were a solid couple and I still love her a lot. I talked to her on the phone today and told her my true feelings. She said that the reason she wants to take a break is because she only has 1 month left of college studying abroad in America before she comes back to Japan to study, and wants to spend time with friends there before she has to return to school in Japan. I'm really confused because she said she loves me and stuff but that she just feels conflicted because she wants to spend time talking to me and also doing things with her friends and that she doesn't have time for both. On the phone she was crying so much. Since to me a "break" seems like breaking up I asked her a couple times on the phone if she wanted to just break up and she said no. Even during that phone call I was really confident and was joking around with her and stuff a little later on. I was understanding and agreed with her and I said although I don't want to take a break that if she really wants one, and there is a chance that our relationship would be better because of it in the future, that I agree. There was lots of emotions and we really clicked still. She kept saying how selfish she feels but that her friends were giving her so much pressure and she wants to enjoy the small amount of the rest of her time there. She knows that I really care about her because I moved here and found a job so I could be with her.
She definitely takes our relationship seriously and said that she can't wait to see me in a month and stay at my place and sent me like 5 messages a day. That was one week before she broke up with me. It's been rough ever since I came to Japan one month ago though because we don't talk as much. I have told her we could talk maybe only once a week to give her space and time to enjoy the rest of her study abroad but we did that for a couple weeks and now she says that since we never talk she feels like she doesn't know me anymore! It's hard because I don't have a cell phone and the time difference is so big we haven't been talking as much since I got here.
I'm working in Japan so I figured I will see her in a month, which makes me so surprised that she would break up with me a month before we will see each other again. Maybe it is true that she just wants to have more time with friends and stuff but I get the feeling she likes another guy. Why else would she just change so suddenly towards me? One week before she broke up with me she sent me messages about how she was so in love with me and that she could never have a better boyfriend. I was always appreciative and let her know how much I loved her and very open to her going out with friends. I have told her before too that I don't care if she dances with other guys and stuff at bars, because I don't want to be one of those creepy possessive boyfriends. I feel like she may find a guy she is really into but that after the "honeymoon" stage of a few months she will realize how good she had it with me. I was always relaxed with her hanging out with other guys because I know that it will be super hard for her to find a boyfriend as laidback, social, and fun as I was with her.
I just feel so heart broken. We are both in our early 20's and this is my first big break up. On top of that I am in Japan, starting a new job and don't know anyone here. I don't have anyone to talk to here and Im having second thoughts about why the hell I'm here, because part of the reason I came here was to be close to her.
I'm still very much in love with her and I have told her all this but I don't think she feels the same anymore. I honestly think that if we were in the same place together things would be fine but just because the distance we have lost track of each other. I always made sure she new how important she was to me and never took her for granted. I want to know if anyone has advice on how or what to do to get her back? Should I give her lots of space for a couple weeks or so? Should I still send her messages occasionally or is it better if I just stop talking to her?
I haven't talked to her for one week and it is so excruciatingly painful because I think about her 24/7. I want to appear confident though and not clingy and give her space. She always talked about a future together so I never expected this. She has to come back here in 1 month to start school so I feel like even if she got with someone else in America she is going to have to do a long distance thing with them for at least a year when she comes back here so it confuses me cause Im here now and can be with her for a whole year at least when she comes back! I guess I shouldn't worry about her finding a new guy as she is probably doing a rebound and it can only last a maximum of about a month anyway before she leaves the country unless she does a long distance thing with him. Still I can't sleep thinking about her being with another guy.
I want to know how can I get her back? My plan now is to call her cell phone in a couple weeks so that will be 3 weeks after we broke up and just to be friendly to her and not talk about our relationship. Im conflicted because I don't want to push her away at all but I feel like talking to her really helps and the longer I wait the harder it might be for her to do so. I asked her when we took a break if it was cool if I could call her just to talk as friends week later. She said "maybe", but I'm thinking I won't call her for at least 2-3 weeks just to give it more time. Theoretically we are still taking a "break" but I have been preparing myself as though we broke up. She promised me that she would see me when she got back to Japan, but I'm not even sure if it's a good idea for me to see her.
Any advice or thoughts about my situation are greatly appreciated.
How to get over an Ex being with someone else?
I have posted up a couple of other times on the forums about my situation. About a week and a half ago my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me we are on and off long distance and the last time I saw her was 3 months ago. It's a long story but the short of it is that we broke up and are doing NC. Just 2 weeks ago to me it seemed like everything was fine. We were talking a few times a day and sending corny love messages back and forth like usual. It hit me like a ton of bricks when she wanted a break and I was so surprised.
Lately Im having such a hard time coping with the situation. Its caught me by surprise and Im not sure what to do. I know I need to keep busy and be social to keep my mind off her but its hard because I'm in a new city where I don't know anyone.
I went out with a co worker last night to the bar and had a few drinks but that was a horrible idea. Once I had a alcohol it made me think of her 100X more. I just couldn't stop thinking about how she is with this other guy. The thought of them dancing, kissing, screwing each other is just driving me insane! I can't believe that after everything we have gone through together she has fallen for some other guy. It really is just unbelievable for me to think that she is with someone else and sometimes I feel like this is all just a bad dream. I know with time it will get better but does anyone have any advice for me to get over her?
I know the most important thing is to stay active but its hard for me to be active and social when I have been here a few weeks and don't know anyone. I have started running early every morning and stuff but I still feel messed up. I really want to move on and I will not contact her but Im always thinking about her. What should I do to get through this?
How to get over an ex that's with someone else?
Threads merged, and EDITED
Part of the reason I moved across the world was to be closer to her.
Lately Im having such a hard time coping with the situation. Its caught me by surprise and Im not sure what to do. I know I need to keep busy and be social to keep my mind off her but its hard because I'm in a new city where I don't know anyone.
I know the most important thing is to stay active but its hard for me to be active and social when I have been here a few weeks and don't know anyone. I have started running early every morning and stuff but I still feel messed up. I really want to move on and I will not contact her but Im always thinking about her. I even have dreams about her. I know I have to face my feelins and whatnot but at some point I really want to move on. I just want to forget about her and Im always trying to get her off my mind. What should I do to get through this?
She was my first long term relationship and I have really strong feelings for her. We were really happy together and always doing stuff and laughing. Even on the break up phonecall there was a lot of emotions. I was more surprised than anything and I felt helpless cause there is only so much I can do being on the other side of the world from her, but she was extremely sad and crying the whole time saying that there wasn't anyone else and said a few times that she doesn't want to break up. To me its bs though because a break is basically breaking up. A few days after we were on the break I sent her a short message saying how the break was strange and either we are together or we aren't. I said we should break up and that we shouldn't contact each other from that point on because I don't want to be in that limbo stage. Since then I haven't heard from her.
Im trying to change my mindset though. I admit that everyday I hope that I hear from her, but sometimes I feel like it would be better to just move on. Im just so surprised she can move on so quickly. We had a really close relationship and I never doubted that she didn't love me. She had a bazillion pics of me and always talked about our future, and she was really good friends with my mom too. Its frusturating because I didn't even have any warning signs before she wanted the break.
What's even more surpising is right before I defriended her from Facebook a couple days after we broke up she was flirting with this one guy that is her best friend at the school she is studying abroad at. She's been sleeping over at his place and stuff and now they are together. The messed up thing is not only did she get with him about a week after she broke up with me, but that he was engaged and broke up with his fiancé just 2 weeks ago before we broke up. So they are essentially both rebounding from what I can see. To make even less sense she has to leave for Japan in a few weeks for a whole year! Doesn't make any sense to me... I have no clue what she is thinking.
To me it seems like an obvious rebound but all I can do is give her space and keep up with the NC. Im glad that I deleted her from Facebook although she was mad about it and sent me angry messages to try and make me feel guilty for deleting her. It's a relief to be able to go on Facebook and not have to worry about stumbling on her status or pics of her. She has to come back here to Japan in only a few weeks. I bet that I will probably get some kind of call or something when she's back and away from her fling or whatever it is. Of course I love her but I don't know if we can be the same like before. I don't know if she is worth my time anymore after what she did. I kind of feel like I can't trust her now. I threw away everything that reminded me of her. Part of me feels like I just need to drop this all together and move on but of course she's always in my mind. That's what Im really struggling with right now