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    ThatGuy2's Avatar
    ThatGuy2 Posts: 55, Reputation: 18
    Junior Member

    Jan 14, 2009, 11:58 PM
    What did I learn after a devastating breakup?
    1. There is no such thing as meant to be, the one, true love, or soul mates. There is only the love that you work hard for with your significant other. That in itself, is real love.

    2. Love does not simply fall into place, that is infatuation. Love takes hard work, and as soon as one fails to do so, it will crumble as a whole.

    3. Communication and honesty are the key foundations to a loving relationship. Both must be present or all will fail.

    4. If you are not focused on your significant other for companionship, you are cheating. If you feel the need to hide your conversations with another man from your partner, you are cheating.

    5. When looking for a life partner, search for compatibility instead of acceptability

    6. You can't try to change a person to someone you want, you must accept the person for who they are. You can only change yourself.

    7. Aim to strive for a better you, but don't let another person change who you are.

    8. NEVER EVER pressure or guilt your loved one into doing something they don't want to. Do not emotionally blackmail them by making them feel guilty.

    9. Do not let your partner become like your mom. Some of them like to do that and it's up to you to know when the line is crossed.

    10. Do not backtrack, keep pushing forward or you'll end up in a non productive circle. Accept the truth for what it is and stop giving yourself false hope. When the relationship has ended, you must not dwell in the past.

    11. Having a sense of humor is a good thing in general and for a relationship. However, know when you are crossing the line between humor and insensitivity.

    12. They might expect you to know what they are thinking without having to tell you, so keep this in mind and pay attention to what they say, their attitude and their actions.

    13. When the times are tough, your family and friends are always there for you. Remember what they have done during the hard times and keep them in your heart always.

    14. Do not build your life around the person you love and vice versa. Have them a part of your life but do not make them your life.

    15. When you love and accept reality, you will be forced to move on without the bitterness within. Strive for this.

    16. Take responsibility for your feelings and the actions you make.

    17. If you know for sure that the relationship will be going no where, it's better to end it sooner than later.

    18. Do not look for a rebound after a serious relationship has ended. It's unhealthy for you, unfair to the rebound, and disrespectful to the ex.

    19. Cut all ties and avoid contact for your own sake. NC is the way to go after a break up.

    20. Eat right, sleep well, and work out to get ripped after a break up. You will feel so much better about yourself and will take your shirt off at every given chance^^
    liz28's Avatar
    liz28 Posts: 4,662, Reputation: 1034
    Ultra Member

    Jan 15, 2009, 12:29 PM

    To add:
    21: You don't need someone to validate who you are because remember you can do bad by yourself. You don't need someone for that.

    22: Don't stay someone just because you don't want to be by yourself. There nothing wrong with being single.

    23: You can't love someone until you love yourself. Having someone love you is great but lovoung yourself is even greater?
    blondndisguise5's Avatar
    blondndisguise5 Posts: 78, Reputation: 7
    Junior Member

    Jan 16, 2009, 02:35 AM

    24: life gives you everything you need to get through it you just need to look at things in a positive way. There is always a rainbow in the sky don't be blind to it by focusing on the clouds :)
    roxypox's Avatar
    roxypox Posts: 1,028, Reputation: 328
    Ultra Member

    Jan 17, 2009, 06:26 PM
    1. Great post!

    And I really agree with you Tal, on the whole making hard decisions thing.

    25. When only one of the people in a relationship is working on it:

    If that person is you, you need to ask the other person to get on the same page, or move on

    If that person is your partner, then you need to either get on the same page or be fair and move on.

    26. You are valuable and don't deserve to be treated badly. (same with the other person... )
    NItEMArE129's Avatar
    NItEMArE129 Posts: 222, Reputation: 29
    Full Member

    Jan 17, 2009, 06:37 PM

    Might have been mentioned, but...

    27. When they go for someone else, don't mope. Even if it was your best friend. Besides, they weren't really your friend, right?

    28. If you push someone away, expect to be pushed back.
    Empty Cans's Avatar
    Empty Cans Posts: 106, Reputation: 25
    Junior Member

    Jan 17, 2009, 07:05 PM

    29. Its not up to you to decide whether you will get back together. It is a decision they have to make independent of you... no matter how much you try to convince them otherwise. You can't do anything to make them want to come back... you can only do things to make them not want to come back.

    30. Removing your ex as a friend on Facebook is very liberating.
    Empty Cans's Avatar
    Empty Cans Posts: 106, Reputation: 25
    Junior Member

    Jan 24, 2009, 02:44 AM

    31. It does get better and the pain does go away. Never lose track of this piece of advice.
    LAMBCHOPS's Avatar
    LAMBCHOPS Posts: 16, Reputation: 6
    New Member

    Jan 24, 2009, 04:12 PM
    More to add:

    - People don't change. Their behaviour might but they don't.

    - Smart women marry nice guys and really lucky women are attracted to their nice guys.

    - Never swear or speak unkindly to your partner. If you feel like you're losing control over your words, just leave the room. Or, say, calmly, "Listen. I'm going to just shut up now otherwise I'm going to say terrible things that I regret later." Trust me, you will be so proud of yourself and feel like the bigger person. If your partner tries to provoke you, just walk away.

    - Just because you love someone doesn't mean they're right for you or that your relationship will be a healthy one.

    - Men: when your girl is upset, she just wants you to shut up and hug her.
    Be_Strong's Avatar
    Be_Strong Posts: 10, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Jan 26, 2009, 11:39 PM

    This is GREAT!!

    So true!!

    17. If you know for sure that the relationship will be going no where, it's better to end it sooner than later.

    rudetome's Avatar
    rudetome Posts: 9, Reputation: 2
    New Member

    Jan 30, 2009, 09:18 AM

    I learned what to look for in what I don't want in a relationship.
    annica949's Avatar
    annica949 Posts: 8, Reputation: 3
    New Member

    Feb 18, 2009, 12:41 PM

    Time heals ALL Wounds. Every big breakup sucks, and in time I've gotten over them without looking back
    MJisastar's Avatar
    MJisastar Posts: 35, Reputation: 2
    Junior Member

    Aug 2, 2009, 10:49 AM

    29. The best revenge to a mean ex is YOU yourself being happy!
    frangipanis's Avatar
    frangipanis Posts: 1,027, Reputation: 75
    Ultra Member

    Oct 3, 2009, 11:12 PM

    That you don't have to go on being angry with your ex. My ex partner has been consistently kind towards me since we broke up. We've both still moved on and it took a while to restore some of the trust that was between us originally, but there remains a lot of affection, respect and gratitude for what we had. I'm glad for that.
    baap_ki_adalat's Avatar
    baap_ki_adalat Posts: 18, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Oct 19, 2009, 07:52 AM

    Well I learnt that don't love someone to the extent that he/she takes you for granted. Accept the facts gracefully if she/he is avoiding. A person must have self respect and must show some attitude,if she really loves you, she will realize your love and come back to you someday. But meanwhile be open to other relations...
    --Charles--'s Avatar
    --Charles-- Posts: 10, Reputation: 2
    New Member

    Oct 23, 2009, 08:18 AM

    "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

    This is the only love I go by. If it happens in 4 days that I love someone then I believe it to be true (its never happened that quickly but you get my point). If you are able to do all of the above from the quote then THAT is love in my opinion. Anything that contradicts that statement is infactuation in my eyes.
    Faithlessfornow's Avatar
    Faithlessfornow Posts: 10, Reputation: 3
    New Member

    Oct 26, 2009, 09:48 AM

    I am going through a tough time at the moment and it is very early days BUT.. I have already come to realise that before you can form a close relationship with someone new you must first develop your own relationship - with yourself.

    If you don't truly understand who you are and what makes you tick then how can you expect to find the right person to be with? Use your "single time" to find out a bit more about yourself. That is what I intend to do. Whether it is to find a hobby or do some travelling or maybe even just spend more time with your family or friends. Once you know what makes you tick then you can find someone who share your philiospies and interests. Most of us only learn this AFTER a break up!
    Silly Me's Avatar
    Silly Me Posts: 15, Reputation: 3
    New Member

    Nov 6, 2009, 01:22 PM
    There is no such thing as meant to be, the one, true love, or soul mates.
    No, I think there IS such a thing... but that doesn't mean that things will turn out the way you hope for them to. What schittbirds do... is their own business. You CAN fall in love, real love, with someone who cannot reciprocate. It's sad, it's unfair, but it happens. And there isn't anything you can do about it but accept it. You can't make another person love you.
    Justwantfair's Avatar
    Justwantfair Posts: 3,422, Reputation: 944
    Ultra Member

    Dec 28, 2009, 08:55 AM

    Never forget who your 'real' friends are because they are the support you (besides yourself) when you are down.
    alisadancer's Avatar
    alisadancer Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Jan 28, 2010, 03:27 PM

    I learned not to look for reasons or ways to fix it
    It doesn't help you get over it and it won't change the situation
    rhinoa's Avatar
    rhinoa Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Feb 18, 2010, 02:19 AM

    Learn to be accepting, kind and forgiving to yourself. Only then you will be able to be accepting, kind and forgiving to others.

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