Everyone keeps talking about a Break up guide, a "practical step-by-step for what to do after a break-up. And it gives you a framework for saving yourself, your ex and your sanity, as you make sense of it all."

This link doesn't work for me: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio... sh-114179.html

Is there somewhere else to get it?

Is this what you want?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...kup-78597.html

No unfortunately that's not it, thanks for your answer wondergirl!

If you click on the Relationships category, you will see several stickies. No luck with that either?

How about this one? https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...es-590267.html

Most likely this one: Click Here

All you have to do, is go NO CONTACT, stay BUSY, and let time pass. No guide required my friend.

It is in the middle of that article (after #10) Curlyben that you see a link for the Break Up guide (Break-UP Guide:https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio... sh-114179.html).

I can't find the guide on that link.. can you see it?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ldd12

It is in the middle of that article (after #10) Curlyben that you see a link for the Break Up guide (Break-UP Guide:https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...sh-114179.html).

I can't find the guide on that link.. can you see it?

---

The link in question is in Ash's signature. It links to Ash's sticky comments. The 'Guide' is talked about there, but it is actually in this thread: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/how-break-up-survive-101-use-you-wish-510418.html.

If you would like help or advice for your situation, just let us know. We will give you any help we can.

Good luck.

Thanks Cat1864 for your help and offer to help with my situation. I was just curious what this "famous" break up guide had to offer.

My situation is the following:

Enjoyed a wonderful 8 months with my man, we are very similar in every single way and often joked that we were the same person. At 6 months, we enjoyed a wonderful trip away to Cuba. Following our trip together, we decided to give moving in together a try. He is renovating his own house and we have discussed moving into his place once completed and have also discussed what to do with my house when this happens (rent vs sell). Just shortly after Valentines, he tells me that he doesn't feel at home at my place (rightfully so, he just moved in), felt he needed some space and time. He said he felt like he lost himself.

He has been under a lot of pressure with his house renovations (owning his home for year and not living in it yet), financial strain and job stress (works > 60hrs/week). At first I was very confused and didn't understand him needing space, and took it personally. After a day or two, I understood that this was not just about the relationship but other things, and provided him with his space. We didn't talk for 7 days, not for the reason of no contact, but more to give him that time and space he needed. I sent him a text saying "Thinking of you, hope you're well". He did respond, but I left it. The next day, he came to my house while I was at work, picked up his stuff, left me a note and my key in the mailbox. The note pretty much said forgive him for doing it this way, he doesn't feel it's right to make me wait while he gets his life in order, and if I needed anything to just message.

I ended up sending him a text when I got home and noticed his belongings were no longer there (he was at work). I said that I was very saddened to see that he picked up his belongings at a time when I was not home. I told him he was right about both needing to know what we both really wanted, that I'll leave the door open, but will date others, and hope he finds his way back to me because I know we have something special. He responded by apologizing and saying that I deserve much better and doesn't think we would have been able to do it if I was there, he said that he thinks that we have something special too but that we're at slightly different points in life and that he's never met anyone like me before. I told him I was not angry at him, that I love you enough to let you go, we both need to know what we really want. I said I have confidence in our relationship that we can weather this. I said I love you enough to want you to be happy, even if its not with me. I'll leave the door open for you if you need me but I hope you understand that I can't wait, and if what we have is as good I think it is, you will find your way back and I'll help you. He thanked me, said that I'm an amazing person. He said that he truly hope he figures things out and it leads him back to me. He said he hopes I find the very best there is out there as I deserve it. I said thank you and take care.

It has now been 12 days since that conversation. It has been a whirlwind of emotions. I have been keeping myself very busy, I am redecorating many things in my house (helping me to regain my home, not our home), working out even more, hanging out with friends and got a new haircut too! I am in no contact for me, to better myself, and enjoy life as it has been handed to me.

While keeping busy, I still get upset at times, I think more because I didn't see any of it coming, for the way he left me a note instead of face to face, for the way he felt it was easier to give up. I dislike that I still have questions about all this and that it's best to leave them unanswered.

Despite the upset, and feelings rising to the surface you are handling things quite well, and healing and adjusting to what you have been through. Its pretty normal after thinking things are going well, then they just poop out. We are all left with strong feelings and confusion when that happens. It takes time to accept, and overcome our disappointment, and confusion, but you will following the path you are on. You just need time.

Break ups always suck, and there are always hurt feelings to deal with, and we trudge through to manage our feelings, and survive to thrive. Don't be upset, feeling will come and go but are less painful as you continue to heal, and move forward with your life, and stay out of contact with him, at least long enough to get your head and heart on straight, and avoid more confusion, and drama.

As to the stickies, and the break up guide, They ALL are good reading for people who break up, and need insights and suggestions. I hope you take advantage of them all.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/

How old are you, and do you have family, friends, and activities you enjoy to help you through this?

Enjoying yourself with others is the way to move on. I find isolation drags things out, and doesn't allow for vents and rants to our feelings. Ever hear of out with the bad, in with the good? It works.

Thanks talaniman for your help. I have a strong supportive circle of friends and family that help me to keep busy and stay on the positive thinking track. Break ups do suck, but it seems to be worse when you are left with the strong feelings for another and much confusion on the situation. I have come to accept his decision and I am moving forth with my life. Hopefully with time, I'll overcome disappointment and confusion.

I am staying out of contact with him for myself, to give myself the time to heal, and as you said, get my head and heart on straight. I often catch myself thinking "what if he contacts me" or "will he contact me", but I think this might have to do with the freshness of the wound.

It's funny the sites that you see, all suggesting that no contact (NC) is the best way to get your ex back, that it works like a charm and that 4 weeks is rule of thumb. THANK GOD, I stumbled on this site and I was given some strong honest advice about NC, things that help you through NC, and the reality that this is a time for YOU to heal and grow, not a means to get your ex back.

It has been 5 weeks of NC with my ex, definitely a whirlwind of emotions, the first couple of weeks were really difficult, I found that family and great friends really help, going to gym works wonders, and relied on funny movies to make me smile. Time really does help to clear your mind, helps provide an honest picture of the relationship and of yourself in that relationship.

With all this being said, I am left with some of his stuff (his house key included), which I put in a bag at the back of my closet and has been collecting dust since. While I wish I could be the person to just throw it out, but I'm not. What would you do? Mail it? Drop it off?

Mail it would be my option.

Mail it or if it is your last choice, have him pick it up... that way you don't look like you are trying to get back with him or make yourself look desperate...

Mail it and be done with it. Does he have your key? Change the locks and don't get into hassles that will hurt your healing.