[noname123]

I think it's really nice how strangers get together on the web and confide and help each other. I've worked online for 7 years and never thought to share my problems other than with my friends or sisters.
I'm giving it a go now, I'm 3 months pregnant by a man I think I love, I know I definatley was in love with him. Now I just feel nothing, like I force myself to feel something. We have been on and off for 3 years, a very passionate yet destructive relationship. So in love sometimes that we would thank god we found each other, other times I have him trying to strangle me. He has been abusive, numerous times. I used to have a few drinks and get really nasty with him, which would aggriavate him more. I stopped drinking like that. Decided I just look and act a fool. We have lived together, not lived together, he kicked me out, I kicked him out, the rollercoaster goes round and round. We always get back together, now I don't live with him, I told him to move out when I had to get the police round to remove him from my house and then he wanted to take the dog which he bought me for xmas the year before, who he doesn't like to fuss in case he gets dirty and who he shouts at for nothing. He moved out about 8 mnths ago. He always talks about marriage and babies and how much he loves me. Yet at the drop of a hat he can throw things at me or call me all the names under the sun. He is now going for anger management once a week. If he is really going I don't know. He does say it is all me and everyone other person, never him! I find myself always finding excuses for him. Since I have told him I was pregnant, he has told me 20 times to have this baby alone, if I interrupt him when he is talking he will tell me do this alone and hang up!! Things like that. He has 2 children, one from his wife, one from another woman, he is 33, he doesn't see both kids for long and complicated reasons, I was with him for 8 months before I knew about the youngest child, who is 4. He said I wouldn't have got with him if I'd known he had 2 kids. But I don't care about things like that. For 8 months I was getting anxious, secret phone calls, strange behaviour so I asked him if he was seeing someone else, he told me I was crazy, eventually he told me he has another son. I said so what... your kids are your kids. Of course he doesn't see his kids because the women are both f**ked up, which he now says I am. Calling me psycho because I won't stand for his manipulative sh*t anymore.
Today he is leaving all the baby stuff I had stored at his house as he has more room, my sister left me this stuff before she left, and he is now going with a friend to get the baby stuff out of his house after a fight we had, I had to find out from a friend that he had arranged to be partners in a club thing, where he would be spending every weekend out of the city we live in, he NEVER mentioned this to me and when I pull him up on it he tells me I am nagging, crazy, paranoid and that I should let it go. So anyway, he always takes back things he buys me when we row, or trashes my house, or... I've just realised what I sound like, a martyer! Its amazing how it can help just writing down your own crap, we get what we allow and I clearly don't have the balls to cut him out of my life, but I did, kind of, we don't live together anymore, but I still saw him a few times a week, but guess my problem now is I am pregnant and will keep the baby, I am 27 and have had 2 abortions which I am not proud of. I can't do that again.
How should I handle him, I am just so angry, he called my sister calling me a psychopath and she called me to tell me about the strange voice he was speaking in (which he does when he is angry, he speaks all professional and in a strange voice, not his own normal voice) and that he also said to her that he was going to email my father, to tell him why he wants nothing to do with crazy me and the baby. Why bring my whole family into it, if I wanted too I could sit and tell them all the things he has done to me, I don't. I could call his ex, his mother, ask what the hell am I to expect from this man, I don't, his ex already sent him one text about custody which he let me read saying, sorry things had to be this way but I can't trust your temper or your word, I see now why she said that. He looked at that and said, you see what I have to deal with? I didn't get it then, that was over a year ago, I get it now
I looked up sociopath, his ex called him that once, scary but after reading the profile that sounds like him. But I can't believe that. I have my faults, we all do, I never shut up, if I am angry I just go on and on, I get jealous but only with certain partners, not all. I used to drink and get nasty, embarrass myself. I just get baffled with how he treats me, or the lame excuses he comes up with for staying out all night and not texting or returning my calls. He makes me shake, physically have anxiety attacks, I'm now laughing hysterically at things which should upset me, and feel like I am going to explode, sure its my hormones too. He fights with everyone, not just me, so why do I put up with it? I am the crazy one for trying to make things work, beating a dead horse as they say. Glutton for punishment, what is wrong, I am a strong, well-educated, well-travelled independent woman, always had my own money, good job, nice friends, loving family, I have had my fair share of the bad stuff but whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger... I'm actually going to click sumbit here, and welcome any comments, even if they are leave him! I am not living with him and I have already decided I don't want him as my partner, but what to do for the best for the baby? Since I got pregnant, I dislike him, I have no patience with him, all the stuff that comes out of his mouth I think is ridiculous, I used to hang on to his every word, dote on him, now I can see his true colours, it is like I was blind, it's horrible. I will never stop him seeing the baby, I may be reluctant to let him take out the baby as he is reckless but I want the baby to know him, just because he is not good as my partner doesn't mean he doesn't have positive things to give his child. Am I just being naïve?

[robertsqueen]

Noname123]I think it's really nice how strangers get together on the web and confide and help each other. I've worked online for 7 years and never thought to share my problems other than with my friends or sisters.
I'm giving it a go now, I'm 3 months pregnant by a man I think I love, I know I definatley was in love with him. Now I just feel nothing, like I force myself to feel something.

You shouldn't have to force yourself to feel something.

We have been on and off for 3 years, a very passionate yet destructive relationship. So in love sometimes that we would thank god we found each other, other times I have him trying to strangle me. He has been abusive, numerous times.

Think about the baby you are going to have. Once he gets tired of hitting you then he will go after your child.
I

used to have a few drinks and get really nasty with him, which would aggriavate him more. I stopped drinking like that.

Good for you sweetie..good for you.

Decided I just look and act a fool. We have lived together, not lived together, he kicked me out, I kicked him out, the rollercoaster goes round and round. We always get back together, now I don't live with him, I told him to move out when I had to get the police round to remove him from my house and then he wanted to take the dog which he bought me for xmas the year before, who he doesn't like to fuss in case he gets dirty and who he shouts at for nothing. He moved out about 8 mnths ago. He always talks about marriage and babies and how much he loves me.

If he loved you he woudln't put his hands on you. If he loved you he wouldn't treat you like crap...causeing you stress and possibly causing you a miscarriage from the stress.

Yet at the drop of a hat he can throw things at me or call me all the names under the sun. He is now going for anger management once a week. If he is really going I don't know. He does say it is all me and everyone other person, never him!

Does he tell you that you made him act that way? That you made him hit you? That is the abuse cycle.

I find myself always finding excuses for him. Since I have told him I was pregnant, he has told me 20 times to have this baby alone, if I interrupt him when he is talking he will tell me do this alone and hang up!!

Then you need to tell him fine I will do it alone and not talk to him at all. ,

Things like that. He has 2 children, one from his wife, one from another woman, he is 33, he doesn't see both kids for long and complicated reasons,

Probably because the mothers wised up to him. The fact that he can't see them should tell you something. I would try to talk to his ex's and find out how he treated them.

I was with him for 8 months before I knew about the youngest child, who is 4. He said I wouldn't have got with him if I'd known he had 2 kids. But I don't care about things like that. For 8 months I was getting anxious, secret phone calls, strange behaviour so I asked him if he was seeing someone else, he told me I was crazy, eventually he told me he has another son. I said so what... your kids are your kids. Of course he doesn't see his kids because the women are both f**ked up, which he now says I am. Calling me psycho because I won't stand for his manipulative sh*t anymore.

He is just covering his own butt becuase he know that you are getting fed up and the way to make you stay with him is to bring down your self esteem.

Today he is leaving all the baby stuff I had stored at his house as he has more room, my sister left me this stuff before she left, and he is now going with a friend to get the baby stuff out of his house after a fight we had,

That is just immature and should be a red flag that he isn't going to be a good father. If he is using the baby as a tool to hurt you. No good, respectful parent would use thier child or future child as a bargianig tool.

I had to find out from a friend that he had arranged to be partners in a club thing, where he would be spending every weekend out of the city we live in, he NEVER mentioned this to me and when I pull him up on it he tells me I am nagging, crazy, paranoid and that I should let it go. So anyway, he always takes back things he buys me when we row, or trashes my house, or... I've just realised what I sound like, a martyer!

Purple"No you are just confused and upset. You have been hurt and you just want the best for your baby.

Its amazing how it can help just writing down your own crap, we get what we allow and I clearly don't have the balls to cut him out of my life, but I did, kind of, we don't live together anymore, but I still saw him a few times a week, but guess my problem now is I am pregnant and will keep the baby, I am 27 and have had 2 abortions which I am not proud of. I can't do that again.

Good for you!!!!!1

How should I handle him, I am just so angry, he called my sister calling me a psychopath and she called me to tell me about the strange voice he was speaking in (which he does when he is angry, he speaks all professional and in a strange voice, not his own normal voice) and that he also said to her that he was going to email my father, to tell him why he wants nothing to do with crazy me and the baby.

Then let him email your father, if your father is a good father then he will confront him on how he is treating his daughter.
Why bring my whole family into it, if I wanted too I could sit and tell them all the things he has done to me,You should tell them what he has done. They need to know and you need the support.

I don't. I could call his ex, his mother, ask what the hell am I to expect from this man, I don't, his ex already sent him one text about custody which he let me read saying, sorry things had to be this way but I can't trust your temper or your word, I see now why she said that.

Your starting to open your eyes to what type of man he is.

He looked at that and said, you see what I have to deal with? I didn't get it then, that was over a year ago, I get it now
I looked up sociopath, his ex called him that once, scary but after reading the profile that sounds like him. But I can't believe that. I have my faults, we all do, I never shut up, if I am angry I just go on and on, I get jealous but only with certain partners, not all. I used to drink and get nasty, embarrass myself. I just get baffled with how he treats me, or the lame excuses he comes up with for staying out all night and not texting or returning my calls. He makes me shake, physically have anxiety attacks, I'm now laughing hysterically at things which should upset me, and feel like I am going to explode, sure its my hormones too.

Pregancy does that toyou. You can't let him upset you so much becuase stress can cause a miscarriage.

He fights with everyone, not just me, so why do I put up with it? I am the crazy one for trying to make things work, beating a dead horse as they say. Glutton for punishment, what is wrong, I am a strong, well-educated, well-travelled independent woman, always had my own money, good job, nice friends, loving family,

Then you are perfectly capable of raising your baby...and having your family help you..YOu don't need this man in your life. He is unhealthy for you.

I have had my fair share of the bad stuff but whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger... I'm actually going to click sumbit here, and welcome any comments, even if they are leave him! I am not living with him and I have already decided I don't want him as my partner, but what to do for the best for the baby?

Yes, you need to figure out if you even want this man in your baby's life. YOu are the parent and you need to do what you think will benifet your baby. Honestly I don't think this guy is the answer, or should be around you or the baby. He told you to do it yourself...then do it yourself with your family.

Since I got pregnant, I dislike him, I have no patience with him, all the stuff that comes out of his mouth I think is ridiculous, I used to hang on to his every word, dote on him, now I can see his true colours, it is like I was blind, it's horrible. I will never stop him seeing the baby, I may be reluctant to let him take out the baby as he is reckless but I want the baby to know him, just because he is not good as my partner doesn't mean he doesn't have positive things to give his child. Am I just being naïve

Yes, I think you are being niave becuase if he hits you what is to stop him from hitting your child? There is a reason why he can't see his chidlren, and if he is lying to you about other things he might he lying to you about the reason. I would have a long talk with your family , and get thier opinion on it.

[talaniman]

Given his abusive history, he is not relationship material, and has shown no concern with his children. I don't see that changing. Sorry, but it looks like its on you.

[noname123]

You shouldn't have to force yourself to feel something.

Think about the baby you are going to have. Once he gets tired of hitting you then he will go after your child.
IGood for you sweetie..good for you.
If he loved you he woudln't put his hands on you. If he loved you he wouldn't treat you like crap...causeing you stress and possibly causing you a miscarriage from the stress.
Does he tell you that you made him act that way? That you made him hit you? That is the abuse cycle.
Then you need to tell him fine I will do it alone and not talk to him at all. ,
Probably because the mothers wised up to him. The fact that he can't see them should tell you something. I would try to talk to his ex's and find out how he treated them.
He is just covering his own butt becuase he know that you are getting fed up and the way to make you stay with him is to bring down your self esteem.
That is just immature and should be a red flag that he isn't going to be a good father. If he is using the baby as a tool to hurt you. No good, respectful parent would use thier child or future child as a bargianig tool.
Purple"No you are just confused and upset. You have been hurt and you just want the best for your baby.
Good for you!!!!!1
Then let him email your father, if your father is a good father then he will confront him on how he is treating his daughter.
Why bring my whole family into it, if I wanted too I could sit and tell them all the things he has done to me,You should tell them what he has done. They need to know and you need the support.
Your starting to open your eyes to what type of man he is.
Pregancy does that toyou. You can't let him upset you so much becuase stress can cause a miscarriage.
Then you are perfectly capable of raising your baby...and having your family help you..YOu don't need this man in your life. He is unhealthy for you.
Yes, you need to figure out if you even want this man in your baby's life. YOu are the parent and you need to do what you think will benifet your baby. Honestly I don't think this guy is the answer, or should be around you or the baby. He told you to do it yourself...then do it yourself with your family.
Yes, I think you are being niave becuase if he hits you what is to stop him from hitting your child? There is a reason why he can't see his chidlren, and if he is lying to you about other things he might he lying to you about the reason. I would have a long talk with your family , and get thier opinion on it.

Thanks so much for taking the time out. To be honest, I know it all deep down. I will not contact him. I want sole custody that is for sure, but our child we be mixed race and I believe it is best for the child to know both parents. I know that if he has harmed me, he can harm a child, maybe I just don't want to believe that. I don't want to contact his ex of the youngest child as he may get nasty. He has been trying to see his son, and she refuses to let them spend time alone together claiming there is language barrier and that the baby doesn't know him as his father, but she did allow him contact with a contact person and then she decided that if he wanted to see his son that she would have to be present. She has never mentioned anything about abuse, he also says he never hit her. If I contact her and she tells him maybe he might get mad that I jepordise his chances of seeing his son if I am telling her how he is treating me (I have no way of contacting the first child's mother) he might trash my house, take my dog, he is just unpredictable.
He has emailed my father wanting to talk to him, my dad called me right away and sent me the email, tells me he doesn't want to talk to him. He is now texting my sister non stop who is not even in the country. Just so immature, I am 27, he is 34.
Anyway, thanks again, I will take legal advice and do what I need to do... peace and happiness to you all. Xxxx

[noname123]

Given his abusive history, he is not relationship material, and has shown no concern with his children. I don't see that changing. Sorry, but it looks like its on you.

Looks that way... take care x

[robertsqueen]

I would also put an restrainng oder on him.

[noname123]

I decided I should do that too, I will keep the nasty texts Im receiving each day and go to police station after I return from a weekend away. No doubt I will get more over the weekend, he can't handle being ignored so my mum is taking care of my house and dog and I will go away for the weekend. You have a great weekend xx