[ILOVELAGWAGON]

Hi
About a month ago I broke up with my girlfriend, she took it very badly to begin with and accidentally smashed my car window in a fit of rage. It was such a scary night, she ran off into the woods and stuff and I thought she was going to kill one of us. This break followed about 2 months of breaking and making up which is why she took it so badly. I however found it easier to let go at the time because I had got used to breaking up with her. The reason for the break is my fault. I met another girl at work who I found pretty attractive and after a while I started feeling like I wanted a new girl friend, perhaps this girl I met at work. I think I felt like this because I've only ever had one girlfriend (the one I recently broke up with), I have low self esteem and so feel like I need the attention of another girl to feel worth something. Particularly because I'm twenty. And I've only had one girlfriend. That spells loser to me. Also me and my girlfriend had been together for just over two years so although I was still having a lot of fun with her and still loving her, the relationship had lost its spark.

Now a month later I find myself lost. I still love my ex, I've been looking at the photos of times we've had together and find myself asking why I destroyed our relationship. She has met a new guy now and went on a date recently and its killing me. I feel like I've taken the best part of my life, my only true friend, the one person I feel closer to than myself, perhaps my perfect companion and pushed her away and made her resent me. I am her first love and she is mine, we lost our virginity together, she's the most significant person in my life ever, and now because of me she is dating other guys.

Today I told her I still love her, and she told me she did too, but she wants to move on because we can't go backwards. I know its probably best if we both move on, but I don't think I want to. I think I may be bi-polar which means I spend about half my life being depressed, this makes everything very hard. I often think about suicide and wish that we had both died together in the height of our relationship. When I was with her I had hope to carry on but now I've lost interest in everything. I feel like I could survive this, but I will never truly be happy as I always return to being depressed. And frankly I can be bothered.

She said she wants me to be happy, and that she going to help me try by forcing me to do stuff I need to do to improve my life like getting a new job, even if it means I end up hating her. She is truly a beautiful loving person.

Im tempted to ask for her back but I think I need to let her be happy without me, however I can't carry on without her. I'm stuck. I hate myself and my life. I don't know what to do.
Please help

[scheris]

Hi, I'm prob not going to be much help but I thought if I share my experience with something similar then maybe it can help you move on.

I've been in a long time relationship, he and I'm 25 and only been in this relationship. I've never been with anyone else. Sometimes I wonder 'what if' as well but just because you've had one girlfriend doesn't mean you're a loser. You should be picky about who you give your affection to, because if you give it away so freely you'll find yourself getting hurt. Save your love and affection for someone special.

You remind me abit like myself, I think myself to be some sort of 'depressed' I have my extreme up's and my extreme down's and during these times I'm very happy or VERY sad where I do want to just crawl in a box and die. But I've found that you can either let it take over your life or you can get through it. Letting it take over will get you nowhere (trust me) or you can get through it one day at a time and learn to live. Happiness is just around corner if you look for it.

As for your girlfriend, I think you have to accept that it's done. If you guys were breaking up and getting back together and breaking up, take it as a sign that it can't work. I was there too in my life and we stayed together but I think 5 years down the line we both not any happier because all the things you guys fight about back then comes back up. I think now we'd probably both be happier if we were not together but we're just afraid to leave each other. Sometimes love just isn't enough to make a relationship work. Give yourself time to recover and eventually you will understand. She sounds like a great friend and maybe she's better as a friend right now.

Just keep yourself busy, focus on yourself, do something that makes you happy, whatever it is! And don't neglect yourself because I'm sure if you were gone, your family and friends would miss you dearly and I'm sure you would miss them too. Everything will be OK, trust in that. :D

[lmnotok]

Right, can't agree more! It will be guts feeling but that's good, better than slow hurt since intense things never lasts long, you will get well so soon, I believe.
I had gut feelings too when my ex and I broke up, my stomach refused food, water and everything, I got really thin, lost interest in everything and one day I woke up and decided that its enough, that I had nothing to take care of but myself.
Man, you did everything to get her back and it was her choice to move on. So be a man, be positive, be handsome! Think about it, how can a girl love a depressed and unhappy man? Prove to her that you are a healthy man and nothing can defeat you. Trust me, it's the character that attracts everygal!

[mckenzie134]

I will share my experience with you and I hope you may know we go through the same. I constantly fel depressed and like I've lost the only thing inmy life that made me happy. Im finding it so har toget over my ex. I loved her with all my heart and in the end too much... I lost weight and imalready thin. Loved all the things about her but I became to needy. I WAs WITH HER 3 AND A HALFYEARS. It is hard to forget but you willneed to moveon you only have one person to care about and that is yourself. I have many times where I believe there is nothing else to live for and everything I did was so great when I was with her I felt like I could do anything... Still I'm depressed now 2 months on so it will ake its time. Im not sure how long but at some stage I know I am going to tell myself I am going to have to be stronger. Take your time and grow move on and try your best weare all goingthroy=gh the sme thing I hope you can pulltrough

[talaniman]

You showed a lot of yourself, and you have many issues to personely deal with, and you should get the help you need to deal with them as you must be healthy to have hopes of a healthy relationship. Work on yourself and your own well being, and learn to be happy for yourself, before trying to be in a relationship where you put too much on them making you happy.