[cjango]

Okay so me and my girlfriend have been together for a year and 9 months, and it's been pretty crazy and a lot of bad stuff has happened. She cheated 2 weeks into our relationship, kissed someone and lied about it, and as a result of that and other lies it made me very paranoid. When I was paranoid she would be verbally abusive towards me and not really help. She would get physically abusive too when we would argue about stuff. Towards the end of the relationship I got physically abusive towards her too, which I felt really bad for and it was just so crazy that I don't know how things got so bad. She would say really hurtful things to me all the time and I never understood it.

So after that, she had to go back home because she lives in another country. During this time I was trying so hard to make things work with her and prove to her that we could work, and it got so bad because she would always push me away, saying stuff like "I don't love you anymore" "I don't care about you" "When are you going to let me go?" "I don't want to be with you" But then other times would tell me she loved me and wanted to be with me. She would go out of her way to hurt me and would break up with me on a daily basis and reject anything I said. It got to the point where I was taken to hospital for trying to kill myself as a result of being so confused by her actions.

Eventually one night, she break up with me, again, and this time I just accepted it. I stopped trying to fight for her and let her go, I cut contact for 3 days and felt so much happier that she wasn't there to upset me and started moving on. After the 3 days she messages me upset and says she wants me back and would do anything to make it work. She hadn't stopped crying for those 3 days and I think the fact after trying so hard for so long that I had finally decided to move on so easily because it didn't get me anywhere confused her. Also because I had decided to meet up with an old flame and I was moving on so easily and she wasn't.

I just don't understand her at all, she spent the whole summer after she went home being horrible to me, saying all this nasty stuff, saying things she knew would hurt me and generally just showed she didn't care, and kept breaking up with me, so then why does she want me back? After she was the one who broke up with me? She says she'll do anything and I don't trust her, and part of me thinks that she may have been seeing another guy. She tells me that the reason she was being so nasty towards me was because she was pushing me away because she was hurt from all the bad stuff that happened in the past and she wasn't sure if I was the best thing for her. She said it was traumatic. She now wants a future with me and to forget the past and has been really trying to make things right and work with me, but I feel in the past after every argument it was me chasing her.

I just don't trust it or that she's changed or her intentions and was hoping someone here could shed some light on the situation and maybe advise me on the best course of action. Thank you.

[Wondergirl]

What's to shed light on? Why are you overthinking this? Go No Contact and enjoy your life and dating.

[odinn7]

Wow...if you ever think of getting back together with her, read what you wrote to us first, then read it again. There is no reason you should have to put up with a relationship like that. She may change but once she gets comfortable again, she will go back to how she was.

I had a girlfriend that I was crazy about and she took all her life problems out on me. She was mad at something that happened at work, she would take it out on me. Mad about something her kids did, take it out on me. She treated me like garbage and my only crime was allowing her to do so. She broke up with me over some stupid reason and I thought my world was going to end but I realized after a while that things were so much better without her in my life. I loved her but I doubt she loved me...at least not the same way.

Don't do it. And it doesn't matter why she wants you back...you don't deserve this kind of treatment.

[DoulaLC]

Wow, indeed! Please do reread what you wrote and then imagine your best friend or a brother telling you all of that about a girlfriend. He then asks for your advice about whether he should consider getting back together with her.

What would you tell your best friend or a brother?

[talaniman]

No Brainer here. Cut off all contact and enjoy your life because the use and abuse is finally over. What's so confusing about that?