[Jiser]

In time life will become normal again! Keeping yourself busy and enjoying life will be natural for u!

[missbeach123]

I'm absolutely ridiculous, you would think I like hurting myself. Today I was driving by, and I saw the turnoff to his house. I was overwhelmed with emotion, and alone in the car. I texted him and asked if I could stop by. He replied "No" instantly. When I asked why, he never responded, and hasn't responded since. It's so painful and ridiculous.

I never wrote about this, but a few days ago I sent him a "get your life together" email and basically said the harshest most personal things I could possibly say to him. Along the lines of, your not going anywhere and your always going to be in this rut etc... I must have really hit a nerve because he wrote back explaining how this new girl he's dating is so much better for him than me because she doesn't ask anything of him and he went on about how she's so perfect. It hurt so bad. But I guess I'm learning I can dish it, but I can't take it. I apologized for that letter, but he hasn't talked to me since or responded to any texts, (I'm really impulsive with texting, I never call, but I always text). He also told me to leave him alone. So now, he hates me AND won't see me AND has a new main squeeze. This girl even has him and her in her main profile picture it drives me insane and makes me really mad (BUT I was informed this new girl is also just broken up and may potientally be having him in the picture to make HER ex jealous, I don't know it seems like my ex and her are really dating though). Do you all think if I let it cool down he'll see me in a few weeks?? Its been three years!! He really won't see me??

[missbeach123]

ANY suggestions are sooo appriciated, my friends won't even let me start on Matt, I feel obssesed and depressed all together.

[talaniman]

I feel obsessed and depressed all together.

Your depressed because you are obsessed. The truth is he did you a favor by telling you to leave him alone, just as we here have. YOU chose to ignore that, and run head first into a brick wall, and bust your head.. YOU chose to keep torturing yourself, by reading his pages, and his new g/f's pages. YOU chose to keep texting him, even though he doesn't respond. See the pattern? YOU keep choosing to be a pest, and a stalker, and torture yourself on a lost cause. Its up to YOU to stop beating yourself up, and looking silly and accept that he no longer wants you in his life and has moved on. So should you, and stop hurting yourself with the negative behavior. He may have been a jerk for what he did to you, but does that mean you have to be stuck on stupid. Come on, follow the advice given to you already and get healthy and heal. We all understand the pain, but we don't understand the behavior. MOVE ON, AND LEAVE HIM ALONE!

[sypher373]

I agree with talaniman.

Its probably the tougest part, but accepting that it is over, and just moving on, is the hardest part of it all. But I promise you, once that part has come, it becomes a lot easier. Constantly exposing yourself to things such as his pages is only going to hurt you worse.

I know you feel like you just want to know what is happening, what is up with him and his life, but you must be realizing by now that when yo ufind the answers, they not only make you feel worse, but they open more and more questions in your mind... ignorance is bliss

[missbeach123]

Okay its been a few days, how long should I wait before approaching him again with a text? I don't think things with this new girl are going to work out, I miss him so much.

[Jiser]

Do yourself a favour and delete his number and also while your there don't bother speaking to him again, as he's a complete waste of space. Don't pin your hopes up anymore, get yourself a life YOUR HAPPY WITH. Because trust me girl as soon as you start contact again your be back at the healing process all over again. I am talking from experience here as well. NC all the way please.

[missbeach123]

Hi, As I've posted in my last thread, my ex and I have been broken up a month and a half. He has been seeing this other girl, well, hooking up with her I don't know to what extent they have a relationship connection/ commitment.

Yesterday I received a text saying, "So I hear your new bf is hitting it, he must be pretty smooth". It was quite rude, and I don't have another boyfriend, and I'm not hooking up with anyone. If anything, he might have saw new pictures of me with guys, but nothing to make anyone think I had a boyfriend.

I have had no contact for nine days, and I didn't respond to the text. I want him back, but every time I've tried to see him, he says "no" and that "it wouldn't do any good". We went out three years.

What does this text mean? Is he jealous? Is this indicitive of feelings? Please, any advice. I know I'm obssessing a little, but I'd love to get peoples takes on this. Thank you!

[Tyne26]

There are two ways in my opinion of looking at this. He maybe jealous and is wondering if you are actually seeing anyone due to what he has heard or for example the photos that you have. If he sees you happy he may get jealous and see that you are strong and not bothering. Another possibility is he could be hoping you are seeing someone else so that he doesn't look like the bad one when seeing another girl, this I relate to my situation, but he is the one who has the answers to his motives. You are correct in making no contact, I'm doing the same and it is so hard but I've learned contacting the ex does not do any good and just highlights again that they are not interested. If you do no contact you will get used to it and deal with it better through time, they may contact you again but don't hold all your hope on this.

[missbeach123]

Thank you, good insights. Im a very analytical person, so I can't help my wondering. Either way, I feel superior in not engaging him with the luxury of my response! Haha a small and humble victory of my many defeats in this sick game.

I do look happy and not bothered on my webpages. Is jealousy the seed of maybe a little regret here? I know he can't possibly respect this new girl, she really doesn't compare to me intellectually and physically, but she's satisfying his need for an easy lay perhaps. ER.

What is the function of jealousy? Any thoughts on what jealously truly means, coming from someone who told me he was ready to move on? You have to be involved with feelings for someone to have jealousy, right? Discussions on this?

[missbeach123]

Jiser, are you taking your own advice? Just a question, you give great advice about no contact, but it seems you are keeping in touch with you ex as you said in another thread. I'm having a really hard time not contacting him, but I'm sick of touching the hot fire and getting burned, over and over again, even to the point where he acts like I'm bothering him.

Its been nine days no contact and I feel good and bad. I feel like some of my pride is coming back, as I'm proving to myself that I can stick to my guns and not call him. I'm having a hard time accepting its over, I'm still hoping that no contact will work in my favor. Can I try contact after a few weeks and see where he's at? Or is that stupid? I don't want him to think that I've moved on, and not try to contact me if he has a change of heart.

[Jiser]

No I don't take my own advise always but you can! Don't contact him until your over him. Keep busy.

[missbeach123]

Well maybe you should mr.! It sounds like your ex is a youngin anyway, don't you want a girl that is actually on the same level as you? I don't know, it seems like your getting burned over and over too, and she's enjoying the fact she can talk to you when her little heart desires. We'll, I guess you didn't ask for advice. I'm a little sad though your advice isn't being taken, it means you don't actually truly believe it, because if you believed no contact was the way, you wouldn't be living a lie... just thoughts

[Tyne26]

thank you, good insights. Im a very analytical person, so I can't help my wondering. Either way, I feel superior in not engaging him with the luxury of my response! Haha a small and humble victory of my many defeats in this sick game.

I do look happy and not bothered on my webpages. Is jealousy the seed of maybe a little regret here? I know he can't possibly respect this new girl, she really doesn't compare to me intellectually and physically, but she's satisfying his need for an easy lay perhaps. ER.

What is the function of jealousy? Any thoughts on what jealously truely means, coming from someone who told me he was ready to move on? You have to be involved with feelings for someone to have jealousy, right? Discussions on this?

I admit I'm a jealous person myself. The girl I was seeing finished with me and I don't get her attention anymore and this gets me jealous as some other guy is now. Its not healthy feeling this way and I hate feeling like it but its very hard to control on my part. If I didn't have any feelings towards her then yeah I wouldn't be jealous so I see your point. He could regret it but if he does then he will contact you, if you contact him believe me your wasting your time you will just get hurt and he will say again he isn't interested.

[Jiser]

Its unhealthy the whole thing with ex's. Leads you down this dark route of over analyzing. I can honestly say looking back over the past four months that Ive never done as much as I have in my life since the breakup. Ive seen allot and have experienced allot, it really gave me a kick up the the breakup. I had allot of hobbies before the break up and there still going strong :)

On a side note I believe jealousy is an off throw of being insecure in yourself.

The best thing which has helped me move on is planning good things to look forward to. I have two festivals coming up, many bands I am seeing, I am going away on short holidays and week long holidays. Life doesn't seem so bad when you have things to look forward to. Smile for now and stop worrying about jealousy and ex's and bla bla. Go exercise and meet some HOT guys in the gym and sauna :)

[Geoffersonairplane]

What is the function of jealousy? Any thoughts on what jealously truely means, coming from someone who told me he was ready to move on? You have to be involved with feelings for someone to have jealousy, right? Discussions on this?

Jealousy comes from fear.

Fear of inadequacy, fear of not meeting the expectations, fear of being less attractive than the competition, fear of being rejected. Jealousy is a complex emotion and is often driven by insecurity but is also often based on false perception of a situation. Sometimes people look for faults in themselves and try to find things that are not there. Deep routed insecurity and the jealous personality can stem from early childhood experiences of rejection. Everyone gets Jealous from time to time, it is a normal emotion, but the green eyed monster can become destructive and the severity of this powerful emotion if severe should be treated with counseling (in my opinion).

It is true that in a relationship, often there would have to be feelings there for jealousy to develop but not always. There are different reasons for jealousy and as I said above, it is a complex emotion and the feeling can come from within. I believe that a certain level of jealousy in a relationship can be healthy but there is a very fine line between what is healthy and what isn't.

Back to your situation. Your ex could be fooling you into replying by creating a random suggestion of what he assumes is happening. He could want to know if you are seeing someone, so he makes you think that he knows you are seeing someone (even though you are not) He sees pictures of you with another man, he wants to know if you are seeing someone and if so, what the replacement is like, as he says here "So I hear your new bf is hitting it, he must be pretty smooth". He doesn't know you are seeing someone, so he plays this by creating a one liner making you think he knows what is happening. The purpose of this would be to get a reply from you which confirms his assumptions or not and to possibly see what the replacement is like. Maybe he is curious that you are moving on, that you don't care.

I could be wrong and that is just an idea... Only he knows his motives for sending you that text, but I agree that it is rude regardless.

I would not bother replying... No Contact is best for you.

[Jiser]

She certainly is a youngin, 18 to be precise. I do want a girl on the same level just don't seem to meet any ;/ I have a lot of girl mates at work but that means nothing ;] when there all about 5-10 years older than you.

Well I really don't want to live a what if scenario. She doesn't talk to me when she desires but yes in a way I am still too much of a door mat for her which I won't be anymore. We don't text or call each other its just IM. Also I have planned to go to a festival with a friend and me ex. My ex's mother wants her to get back with me as well lol... she says she likes me to.

- My conclusion is - the now and future - she doesn't like me enough to get back with me, she hates being smothered - which I did, she's 18 and wants to go party and have fun without being committed and having to cheat, in 2-3 years time maybe longer she will feel ready and will say o dear that was a good guy, not always loads of them around, woops! However time would have passed and I won't be there anymore and neither will she unless we are friends. Chances are by then my sister and her long time boy friend would have split up, a million other people would have broken up, I will have a career, a different group of friends, new hobbies and a completely different life. - That is change, it's the only constant in life.

[mckenzie134]

Well there is two reasons he would send a tezt like that!!

Firstly he definitely has no idea what your up to but geez he wants to know and figures bysending that message you will replywith somethinglike, what are you talkingabout I've got no one or you can say yes. Either way he pretty much has seenthe pics and is wondering and maybe thinkinghe mightwant to get you back becauseyour moving on.


The second reason I'm sorry to sayis also themost likely he has a new girl he knows your still keen on him and you are floating around and he prettymuch justwants tocheck in to see if his reserve girk=l still watshim. He is prbbly hoping you call and say ut I want you and h willl say yeah no hope.


In the end it does not matter why he messagedyou that for the real reason he messaged is because he is curious of what you are up to in your life and it is probably eating him up he wants to know what your doing and the less you tell himte more he will want to know!! Definitely hope you haven't replied caus if you think about it whatever yo reply what will it get you either way there is no answer the best answer you can give him is to say nothing and I guarantee h will ring you or send you anoher message soon that's for sur e, I believe his starting to get keen and if you want another shot you need the cntrok and your sowly getting it by pushing him away.

f he rings don't answer and if you must talk tell him yourve got a few options at the moment and youweighinghings up then say have fun bye!!

[brandy681]

He is probably been trying to find out what is going on your life. I would definitely ignore the email but if you have the urge to reply I would tell him to leave you alone. This may make him more jeoulous because he knows that you are no longer interested (even if you really are) don't let him know that you still like him because he is playing games and if you tell him that you want to get back with him he will say no but just play hard to get and leave him alone and see what happens then. He may eventually want back in your life if you ignore him, just because he is jeoulous but in all honesty do you really want to be with a guy like that?!

[missbeach123]

Wow lots of great insights. I most certainly will not reply, I ALMOST did but stopped myself. My hopes is that me not responding truly BUGS him and naws at him until he comes to believe maybe Im gone. He's stubborn though, and he's locking it up with new girl (excuse my crudeness) so I bet he won't be calling me. Uh Im starting to despise him. Im having a revelation right this very second. He's getting with a girl half my quality, maybe that's what he needs.