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Lyn43 · Mar 5, 2014, 12:03 PM

I met a guy online.
We have been texting/sexting/emailing/skyped/talking via phone for 3 months.
I am crazy about this guy, we share similar interests, he is handsome, intelligent, charming, funny... the list goes on.
Both his career and mine have been very busy until recently.
We finally had a date night planned. After having several one and two hour phone conversations, the day had finally came to meet.

I booked a hotel resort for an entire weekend, planning to meet Friday at 7pm.
Well, Thursday morning at 7am, I texted him "Good Morning"
Usually he is the one that initiates, but it was me this time :) we talk everyday
He replied, "You too babe"

I did not hear from him the rest of Thursday, or Friday. So Friday at 12 noon, I sent a simple text saying, Hey are we still meeting or have you chickened out? :)
We have both agreed the meeting is mainly for sex.

He didn't reply until 5pm stating he "had a life changing job opportunity" had to figure out how to quit his current job... never said if we were still on or not
Keep in mind, we live 1.5 hours away and the hotel was booked in his hometown. I had to "hang around" waiting on him to reply to let me know. I checked into the hotel.
I didn't want to ask about his job or get in too much of his business, although I was curious.

So at this point, I assumed he cancelled our weekend.
I sent him another text at 8pm asking, "Are we still meeting"? "I'd really like to see you, I completely understand if not"... NO REPLY for another hour. 9pm comes, he says, "I just pulled in my driveway, your finatic texting is unnattractive"

I was mad at this point... seriously? What the heck
He then says, " I am going to see my friend, when you lighten the mood in the hotel room, I will come see you and teach you how to make a man want to come see you."
I replied "Nope, sorry, you"

No other communicating took place after that between us. I went home.

Monday at 7pm, hurt & upset, and majorly confused and not hearing from him at all since that Friday, I texted him saying "You shouldn't play with someone's emotions." deciding I would move on and chalk this one up.

He replied instantly saying, "I agree, you pulled me in then pushed me away."
Then he goes on to say I was acting selfish and he had just found out his friend had been beaten to death and was trying to process that. I replied stating, "I am so sorry, I had no idea, you never said anything about it"
He hasn't replied since, neither have I.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Do any of you believe this guy? I think he is lying to me. I wish I could just forget him, but I can't. I want the truth. Today is Wednesday and I haven't heard from him since. I have felt guilty, confused, angry, upset.. my whole world is upside down.
Any thoughts? I can't dare tell my close friends the details, they just think he stood me up... they don't know all the other crazy stuff. I have checked him out, he is real, not a sex offendor, not married... etc...
I am afraid if he is telling the truth, I may have lost him forever. I don't know what to do, I cannot bring myself to text him again and look like a fool.

smoothy · Mar 5, 2014, 12:27 PM

Why can't you get a guy you can sit across a table from and have a meal?

I think he was having fun with you and actually meeting you would prove he wasn't who he claimed when you saw him.

Lyn43 · Mar 5, 2014, 12:33 PM

Originally Posted by smoothy

Why can't you get a guy you can sit across a table from and have a meal?

I think he was having fun with you and actually meeting you would prove he wasn't who he claimed when you saw him.

I CAN get plenty of guys that I can sit across from & have a meal with, however, this guy was intriguing and charming, unlike most guys I meet. I have been dating a lot lately. I agree, he was probably playing with me, with no intention of meeting. I don't like a mystery when it's at the expense of my emotions.

smoothy · Mar 5, 2014, 12:39 PM

My point is... online its easy to be something you aren't. On the other end... like when reading a book.. people invent a lot of things to fill in the blanks.. you make someone appear more exciting and charming because when you are just talking, not looking in their face...seeing theri gestures...etc...... a lot of imagination is at work...and thats what you are hoping for, the problem is reality hardly ever measures up to the fantasy.

Ever read a book before a movie was made about it... the book was awesum right... but the movie sucked. That happens for the same reasons.

Heck..for all you really know...he might be a 72 year old sex offender....pretending to be a charming 20 something guy...he gets his jollies with the fantasy too....sweet talking someone...but he knows it would end the instant they saw is wasn't the person he pretended to be.

There are lots of women pulling this......and guys pretending to be women. Online you can never be sure anyone is who they claim to be.

Lyn43 · Mar 5, 2014, 12:45 PM

I appreciate your insight. We skyped though, so I did see his gestures and facial expressions many times. What are your thoughts on his "excuse" for not meeting me? I'm curious if you think he lied?

Oliver2011 · Mar 5, 2014, 12:48 PM

I agree with Smoothy. You live maybe 90 or less miles away from each other and for 3 months everything is wonderful. Then it comes time to meet and he flakes. He has something to hide. Or he's better at internet relationships than he is real ones. Or he has a girlfriend on the side. It could be many possibilities. Move on and don't return any messages from him. He's not worth it.

Lyn43 · Mar 5, 2014, 12:53 PM

The funny thing is he closed his online profile that Thursday too.. I deleted mine a while ago.. we are both mid-thirties... I know he is real, we have talked via phone and video many times

Oliver2011 · Mar 5, 2014, 01:01 PM

Good for you. And while he might be real, he isn't real. This is probably a blessing in disguise. He could be a scammer... or worse!

Originally Posted by Lyn43

The funny thing is he closed his online profile that Thursday too.. I deleted mine a while ago.. we are both mid-thirties... I know he is real, we have talked via phone and video many times

smoothy · Mar 5, 2014, 01:02 PM

Originally Posted by Lyn43

I appreciate your insight. We skyped though, so I did see his gestures and facial expressions many times. What are your thoughts on his "excuse" for not meeting me? I'm curious if you think he lied?

He's probibly married and has three kids...or something along those lines.

smoothy · Mar 5, 2014, 01:05 PM

Originally Posted by Lyn43

The funny thing is he closed his online profile that Thursday too.. I deleted mine a while ago.. we are both mid-thirties... I know he is real, we have talked via phone and video many times

Real... is subjective. THere are scammers that pretend to be women in Ghana all the time that sucker guys into sending them money for one thing or other... they use skype... IM, phone.emails and everything else.

Just because they are on Skype... doesn't mean any or everything they have said is true.

Lyn43 · Mar 5, 2014, 01:07 PM

IF he ever does text me again, what's a good short reply? I want to think of something that will really get to him.. LOL.. not in an evil way, just make him wonder... :)

smoothy · Mar 5, 2014, 01:11 PM

If he's been getting his jollies on a fantasy... you won't get through to him... he got what he was after. A fantasyt fling... without actually committing adaultery if he's married.

Women do that too.....to add some excitment to their lives without really exposing themselve to actually doing something that would get them in trouble with a spouse.

Part of the "them not being who they claim" thing.

talaniman · Mar 5, 2014, 01:14 PM

Okay he is real, and he stood you up for whatever reason and cut contact with you, and that too is real. You have other options so use them and put this one behind you. It will take time to get beyond this broken promise.

Lyn43 · Mar 5, 2014, 01:30 PM

Yes, I prefer to believe the "Married with Three Kids" idea. Makes me feel better about myself just a tad.

smoothy · Mar 5, 2014, 01:33 PM

That's why is as much of a technology person as I am... some things are best the old fashioned way. Far less opportunity for people to misrepresent themselves. (though they still might, its just harder), and nothing is a substitute of being near a person... so many things you can pick up on in person to flag you something's not right... you will never see on webcam, email, or the phone.

Homegirl 50 · Mar 5, 2014, 01:41 PM

Leave the guy alone, he has left you alone. He was not interested in reality. If he texts you, ignore it.

Lyn43 · Mar 5, 2014, 01:45 PM

Smoothy, you are right on :) I'm going to see what happens in the real world this time, first and last time I want to try online dating.

Wondergirl · Mar 5, 2014, 01:47 PM

Originally Posted by Lyn43

IF he ever does text me again, what's a good short reply? I want to think of something that will really get to him.. LOL.. not in an evil way, just make him wonder... :)

Nothing will get to him. He sounds like a royal jerk (and a creative writer, a blossoming novelist). Block him. Remove him from your contacts. Don't ever text him again.

Homegirl 50 · Mar 5, 2014, 01:48 PM

The real world is better and you can also get a better feel for a person. Online dating, virtual dating is not cool. It's fantasy and sooner or later you have to face reality.

smearcase · Mar 5, 2014, 02:35 PM

It was a bad idea to start with- could have been a serial killer for all you knew.
If you really have no problem finding normal guys, what made you go this route anyhow?
I know I am an old stick in the mud but this whole scenario is wacko IMHO.
Did you have a certified sexual history for this guy?
Planning on a condom saving your life?
Would you have sex using protection if you knew your partner had std(s)?
The answer is NO, but you were about to, possibly.
Fate is a strange animal. The way this came down may be the best thing that ever happened to you.
Chalk the experience up as - a wakeup call.