[jgior458]

My daughter is 38 years old and we have been very close for all of these years.
She has been through a very hard divorce which I was very much a part of in her life dealing with it and going through with it.

She has recently been trying to work things out with her ex and has totally shut me out. She keeps telling me she needs to think.

Is there something I am missing here?

[Wondergirl]

She may think you would be too much against her working things out with her ex, since you were there during the breakup and aftermath. She may want to try this out on her own and see what happens.

Just sit tight and hold your tongue. Keep busy with other stuff. It sounds like you and she are close, and that will win out in the end if you aren't overbearing now and acting needy and trying to butt in. Give her a chance to be an adult and work through this.

[morganferrell11]

Your daughter is a grown up and let her take decisions on her own. It is time for you to give your daughter her own space to make important decisions. Also, since it is her life she is the one who needs to decide. As a mother you may want to help her but feel that your daughter is no more a kid who needs to be spoon-fed.

[joypulv]

The only thing you are missing is that 'I need time to think' is short for 'I need to do all my thinking alone on this.' She's probably telling everyone this. Wise move on her part. She'll be back when it's resolved.

[Jake2008]

She's 38!

What you will lose, is investing so much in her life, for her to get divorced from the guy, only to have lost in the end when she's moving toward a reconciliation.

'Helping' is sometimes not very helpful. You cannot guarantee, or expect that anything you help with, financially and otherwise, will turn out the way you expected.

What you are missing here in my opinion, is the decision to set boundaries. Allow yourself the independence from this new chapter in your daughter's life, by getting out of the decisions she makes, whether you like them or not. Try not to express an opinion (you've learned the hard way she's going to do what she's going to do anyway), and keep their business in their court, out of yours.

If she asks for advice, tell her you do not have any. If she starts to become unhappy with the ex (again), allow yourself the freedom of not stepping in to console her. Tell her she's going to have to deal with this on her own, because you've been down this road before and won't do it again.

Try your best not to argue, or be sympathetic, or in any way be involved. Allow her to grow up without mommy in the picture, and allow yourself the freedom to accept that she has to make her own mistakes, learn from them, and make better decisions in her life. Her life, not yours.

At some point, parenting has to stop, and 'kids' need to leave the nest, emotionally and otherwise.

[talaniman]

The part you miss is that she needs to focus on her own issues herself and you should respect that.

Her priority is her life, and future, and she will get there in her own time. She is wise to take that time. Be patient.