[geisha19]

This is kind of a long story, but Im hoping for an opinion:

I met my boyfriend at 16. 3 months later he left for boot camp. 4 months later, shortly after I turned 17, he asked me to marry him.No ring. I know now that I shouldn't have said yes but I was 17 and loved him and was afraid to lose him if I said no. About 8 months later, halfway through my senior year in high school, he gave me a ring and we were "officially" engaged.

After high school, I went to college, still engaged. I never cheated, never wanted to. About a year later is when the trouble starts.

Its fall of 2009. We've been together for 3 years. We haven't set a wedding date and he's been in the military the whole time. At this point I haven't seen him for more than 2 weeks at a time since we started dating. I called him and told him I wanted to take a break because I felt like since we did everything so young and so fast, that it would be a good idea. I had sex with someone else (he didn't know). I felt guilty right away and it wasn't worth it. I still wanted to be on a break though, regardless. He had a panic attack from all the stress of being apart and wound up in the hospital. I felt guilty and ended our break.

Spring 2010 we got married in secret at the courthouse. He wanted to do it so he could get more pay so he didn't have to live in the military housing and so I could have more money to pay for college. We figured this would be OK since we planned on having a "real" wedding down the road.

A few months later I felt hesitant again and said we should try taking a break or we would regret it later on down the road. AGain, I had sex with someone else (he didn't know. Again, he freaked out about separating and by the end of the summer we were back together. Same story as always - I barely saw him, we saw each other ever few months for 10 days.

Finally, in Jan.11 2011 I moved across the country to be with him. I moved in, and my life was promptly reduced to watching him play video games. I left in April 2011 to visit back home but ended up staying for the whole summer, and eventually, indefinitely. I never returned. I did have sex with other people in that time. We officially broke up later that fall.

We have been apart and now are trying to divorce. He heard some rumors and found out about some of my encounters with other guys. He hates me and doesn't want to hear from me. While I've moved on and don't have feelings for him, I do feel terrible and extremely guilty. But I also feel a bit of resentment toward him for never listening to my concerns about us being too young and moving too fast. I always felt guilted into being with him, and I rebelled by cheating. Now I am torn by my feelings of guilt (I really hate that I hurt him) and my feelings of resentment (I really hate that he expected so much out of me at such a young age).

Thoughts?

[N0help4u]

Some things just aren't meant to be. If he really cared he wouldn't have spent all his time on the video games. Write a letter to him pouring out your heart. Then write a letter to yourself pouring out your heart to you. Don't send them just keep them for yourself to reflect. Things happen in life for a reason. I've learned that the main reason is for learning life's lessons and growing from there. Its better you moved on than stay stuck in something you knew wasn't going to work. You can't help how he wants to take it, you can't do a thing about how he feels about you. Those are his issues to deal with. If he ever contacts you to ask why you can explain what you feel comfortable with.
They say President Reagan was engaged to a woman, but she broke up with him. Then he met and married Nancy and they were very deeply in love all their life. Losing a relationship isn't the end of the world.