[amobumd]

Dear World:

I'm still not over my ex. This is obviously a line that perhaps each individual in the world can resonate with at one point in his/ her life.

We didn't date very long, but the sting of the break up feels like an eternity.

I'm a lesbian. She's a lesbian. The way in which we met was through a friend (male) who was interested in me. They're both established in their fields (writers). Given my general features (femme), I 'pass' and...

I saw her nephew and brother in law at the store. It felt awkward. I felt so anxious that I left the store without getting what I needed to purchase.

She doesn't live in this town since her work is elsewhere. But her mom, and sister them live here in this 'small' town.

Her little nephew didn't see me. I don't know about her brother in law (the boy's father). But her nephew loved hangout out with me.

I want to just forget her!

How do I just get over her? Should I have to talked to them?

Urgh!

[J_9]

You didn't need to talk to them, but you didn't need to run out with your tail between your legs either.

[joypulv]

The trite old saying about time is how you get over an ex.
Yes, I think 99% of us have been there.
I see nothing wrong with avoiding her relatives, and I see nothing wrong with saying a quick Hi either. And if the little boy ever sees you, perhaps you will be prepared to give him a few minutes and keep it cheerful for his sake.

[dontknownuthin]

I think that when you struggle to get over someone, it sometimes is helpful to "fake it until you make it". In other words, behave as if you do understand and accept that it's over because then you will find that eventually it will be true, and you will not have wasted your time pining for someone you can't be with. You will, instead, have been behaving as if you were ready for your life to move forward. My favorite quote is from FDR, who said during the depression, "When you're going through hell, keep going". I think it's a very common sense approach, but many of us choose the worst feelings and moments in life to cling to and savor and live endlessly. If your house was burning down, you'd know to flee. Your emotional house is burning down with this breakup and you need to just flee the breakup.

Continuing the analogy, you don't have to be done feeilng badly that you lost your house to a fire to start considering where else you might live, call the insurance agent, get your settlement, start shopping for a new home and furnishings, replace what you've lost. Maybe you won't find exactly what you lost and some things can't be replaced, but you need to keep perspective. You lost one relationship out of probably dozens or over 100 even that you probably have in your life. You didn't loose your work, goals, ambitions, dreams, family, friends, home, pets, hobbies. You still have the music and art and activities and sports and whatever else that you loved before her, so reclaim those things. You lived without her before you met her, you can live without her after she's left your life as well.

So in this incident of running into her family, I'd probably have approached them and said, "Nice to run into you!" You don't need to ask about your ex and if they bring her up you can just say, "I hope everything works out well for her, I wish her the best". If they ask about her you can just say, "she may have mentioned we're not seeing each other any longer". If they say, "Oh, I'm sorry", you can simply say, "thank you, that's kind". You don't have to share any details or respond to any details. If they aren't receptive, at least you've been kind. Just go back to the basics - if you see someone you know, you greet them. It doesn't really mean you want to be their best friends, just that you're acknowledging you know them and wish them well.

I do get it - my ex-husband remarried and it wasn't my favorite thing ever to see his current wife (with whom he cheated while we were still married) at my son's high school graduation. Still, I just said, "Hi, Joan. It's nice you were able to make it. Were you able to see the ceremony well from your seats?" Of course, I meant is was nice for her and for my ex-husband - not so nice for me but I didn't need to say that. There's no sense looking like I just sucked a lemon every time I see the woman, so I made the best of the situation.

Just keep moving forward. If you used to work out, still work out. If you're lonely, call someone and go out to a movie or shopping or hiking. Don't forget your family - a day with your parents or siblings, a cousin - it will do to occupy you instead of sitting home missing your ex. Just keep moving forward.