[Timforsnacks]

My girlfriend and I have been together for a bit over a year now. We went through the whole honeymoon phase, and things were still great for us for the first half of the year with a few rough patches, but everything was generally smooth, and we spent nearly all of our time together, which was great at the time.

However, that's not exactly the case anymore. Over the past month or so, we've started having conflicts, one of which was our first and only big fight to date. Since these have begun, we both walk on eggshells around each other more than we used to. Also, I have some anxiety issues which lead to my worries that I don't love her anymore. But this is my first relationship that's lasted past six months, and I'm getting used to the notion of what love actually is. I still care about her, and her happiness is very important to me, probably more than my own to an extent. I do a lot for her.

Either way, she still really enjoys being with me all the time, but the problem is I'm finally feeling the effects of not seeing friends as much and not getting to be my own person as well because she's with me whenever we don't have classes, generally, and she's with me every night. Combined with our issues and a tough semester, it kind of makes for a rough time right now. We'd talked about spending a little less time together and it had been doing us well, but I still need to work stuff out. I talked to a friend a few days ago, and he told me that maybe we should spend at least one night out of the week by ourselves, or just generally re-prioritize our time together. I thought this sounded OK, so I decided to run it by her. It went worse than I thought it would. Her roommate is going through severe depression at the moment that is badly affecting her whenever they're together, and she told me she can't stand to be there or else it stresses her out to a large degree. Of course, not wanting her to be sad and being the compromiser I am, I backtracked and suggested just not seeing each other during the day but she sleeps over nightly. But now she's back to trying to see me all the time because that's what she likes doing after a fight. The problem is that I'm not sure if I'm happy with this because I don't want my brain to turn this into a relationship based on obligation.

Hope this wasn't too long. My question is just how do I handle this situation? Or does it sound like this is something we can't fix? Any advice is good advice.

[talaniman]

You guys have done well talking about it, but I think if she has some valid reasons to lean on you even more then you must listen and support her through her issues.

I suggest more talking because she is sounding more like using you as an escape instead of dealing with her REAL problem, her room mate. I know you like this girl but obviously are not ready for the level of commitment she is seeking from you, and in that you must be honest and not pushed to compromises that do not work for you at all.

That only leads to resentments over obligations.