[Down and out]

Hi, I am a 27 year old female with a 30 year old boyfriend. We have been together almost a year and both are attractive, good shape. There has been talk of marriage and babies in the future. He gives me lots of affection... hugging,kissing,cuddling.. ect... however he has no sex drive. I on the other hand feel like a FEEN since he never wants to have sex and I do. I have brought this matter up several times yet his answer is "I dont know what is wrong with me i just dont have the drive." I, in the past couple of months have lost a lot self esteem and cheating is not an option. Other than his lack of sex drive we have an awesome relationship but the lack of sex drive is seriously hurting me. It makes me feel like he doesn't want me but at the same time he tells me how beautiful and how hot I am and this is just confusing. I know he is not cheating and I completely trust him in this area. I FEAR THIS IS GOING TO RUIN MY Relationship WITH HIM! I know without a doubt that he loves me but is love enough? Sex is a natural part of a relationship and I don't want to go without it for ever. He acts as though this isn't a problem.:confused:


If I am so attractive and he loves me then why doesn't he want me that way?
What do I do when talking isn't fixing the problem?

[ppeppis]

I am just a regular person, not a proffessional in medicine, I will just make some comments

When I started my relatioship with my husband he had problems with sex drive for a very short time, like a few weeks. He went to accupuncture sessions where the guy told him that he had fears about starting a new relationship that really matter to him. He had a traumatic endding to that long ago in his previous relationship with some body that understimated him and his self stime was down. Very soon everything went back to normal and we are doing great now.

In my experience I have learned that some men come to get sex if they feel like, but my hus feels like but he won't come most of the times and if I don't come to him that tunrs him down, so if you guys get to have sex just keep doing it don't let it go, maybe he needs you to come around more often than you think while you think he is the one how should come for you. You can probably talk about that kind of things to know what each other thinks about sex and expects about it too.

Also men can have hormonal problems or a lot of stress or frustration in other areas of their lives than can lower their sex drive. A more serious problem could be disfunctionality.

A healthy life style and practicing sports, specially one that can reafirm his male nature can work like magic to enhance the sex drive naturally, and all this pros and consts don't have to be with you at all.

I could probably help talking more openly with him about the ways you two feel and think about sex and what could be going on. Probably a professional counseling session could be good if you both agree to go to it.

He needs to admit that there is a problem though it is not clear what it is. I hope you can find a solution, I agree that you should not go without it for ever and not even that much longer. Good luck!!

[Down and out]

Thanks for the reply

I used to initiate it all the time however after several times of being turned down I shut that off. Seem to me I don't know about all woman but that is something that is very hurtful to me(being turned down by the man I love).

I even lay in bed at night worrying and wondering why this is such a problem. I have never dated a man like this before. He is awesome in every sense of the word except that. I have never dated a man who didn't like sex. So I am of course freaking out about it.

[RubyPitbull]

Down and Out, I noticed you posted on another woman's thread that was having the same problem. Please look at the advice I gave to her, it will serve you well here too:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-...ead-69246.html

There may be a little more than that with your problem. Do you make more money or have a more responsible position than he does? Sometimes, that can affect a man and his ego. I know a lot of women that have gone through this problem.

The other thing is, men do peak sexually in their late teens and early 20's, while we women peak around the age of 30. It is unfortunate that it seems to work this way but it does.

I can understand your freaking out about it. It is very confusing and makes you think that you are not attractive to your partner. I am sure that is not the case here. If he wasn't attracted to you, he wouldn't stay and he wouldn't be talking about marriage.

A lot of men don't like the woman to be the aggressor. They want to be able to make the first move. They don't get that women have as deep a desire and enjoy it as much as they do. I think it comes down to what they were taught when they were younger, and of course, the previous experiences they have. He may be feeling a bit overwhelmed by your sexual appetite. You may want to stop talking about it for a little while. Pretend that you are so tired and don't want to do anything but relax and watch TV or read. You might be surprised that once the pressure is off, he will make advances toward you. You might think about saying no and not look so interested. It will probably turn him on more. It just has to do with the guy wanting to be the leader and the pursuer in the bedroom.

I hope this helps.