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mckenzie134 · Apr 30, 2007, 07:51 PM

Great if you can really be friends do this if not don't do it and move on. I f you contact her old feelings will return and you will be back at the beginning. Its hard to move on and even though you think you may be ready well sometimes your just not ready and maybe you need to leave it a bit longer. Or give her a friendly call and ask her how she has bee. But if she has a new guy will you be able o handle that. Are you really ready and have you been seeing other girls and feeling good about yourself. Its been 7 weeks for me and I am still not over it I am depressed and upset on a daily bases and always wondring what could have been. I don't know how long it will take me to move on but at the moment I'm struggling to come to terms with the loss after 3 1/2 years its been a huge part of my life and at the moment I don't know what will becpome of my life I had it so planned and seemed so fine. My ex is seeing no one just wanted a break and well its over with us now. Was a perfect relationship that she just couldn't make up her miond how she felt. Well you have to decide if your ready sometimes you just can't be friends I will never be able to be friends with my ex I just think about her too much and just can't go there.

Becca1025 · Apr 30, 2007, 08:03 PM

That's great that you're moving on and everything, but if you send her a note or anything saying "oh how are you? I'm great, I've moved on and I don't hate you" it sounds like you haven't moved on. Why don't you say "hey lets have lunch sometime" and whatever you do, DO NOT mention breaking up or the past relationship the two of you had. Go on as friends. Actlike you guys are friends, have a good time, enjoy yourself. And if something happens then that's great, if nothing happens, that's okay too at least that way there is no "burning bridge" right?

wontbez · Apr 30, 2007, 08:16 PM

Originally Posted by Becca1025

Thats great that you're moving on and everything, but if you send her a note or anything saying "oh how are you? I'm great, I've moved on and I don't hate you" it sounds like you haven't moved on. Why don't you say "hey lets have lunch sometime" and whatever you do, DO NOT mention breaking up or the past relationship the two of you had. Go on as friends. Actlike you guys are friends, have a good time, enjoy yourself. And if something happens then thats great, if nothing happens, thats okay too atleast that way there is no "burning bridge" right?

I really am moving on though, I'm literally moving to a different state across the country in a week. (not because of her, I'm going back to school) You make a good point about sounding like I haven't moved on and I've thought about asking her to go out for drinks or something but I know it would be to awkward, I guess it just hasn't been long enough yet. Thanks!

grammadidi · Apr 30, 2007, 08:21 PM

I think you should just leave well enough alone. She will know by the lack of contact that you are moving on. As for being friends, I think it's too early.

Contacting her could open things up for you... but it could also stir up feelings in her that are strong, yet meaningless, at the same time. Why tempt fate? If it's over - let it be over.

Didi

Rockabilly1955mama · May 1, 2007, 11:18 AM

First of, that's very good to hear you're moving on! Good for you! :D And the note thing, that's all up to you honey.

You can only answer that question for yourself. But whatever happens, best of luck!

ForeverZero · May 1, 2007, 12:22 PM

Having been where you're at before, I wouldn't even bother just yet. The two month mark was like the kiss of death for me, I felt like a million bucks, called her, then the whole process started over again. Your potential friendship with her isn't based on how soon you re-initiate contact, it's based on your ability to move on, which I'd say isn't as good as you think it is right now, mine wasn't.

wontbez · May 1, 2007, 01:27 PM

Originally Posted by ForeverZero

Having been where you're at before, i wouldn't even bother just yet. The two month mark was like the kiss of death for me, i felt like a million bucks, called her, then the whole process started over again. Your potential friendship with her isn't based on how soon you re-initiate contact, it's based on your ability to move on, which i'd say isn't as good as you think it is right now, mine wasn't.

Thanks, I decided not to contact her yet. After thinking about it there is no real benefit to me by doing so. She knows how I feel and how to contact me, so there's really no need to bring up old feelings. I know we'll both do very well one way or another and I'm not going to mess with fate anymore. In a way it's a relief because we won't have to make any commitments anymore to each other that we never followed through with anyway.

wontbez · May 5, 2007, 11:06 PM

(if you read my post "painful ending why?" this will make sense) Well I was going to go see Spiderman 3 with some friends at a casino last night and I decided since I'm leaving the state and I haven't said anything in 2 months to her that I would send my ex a text message asking if she wanted to get a drink. Her husband that she's divorcing wrote me and said "we'll be there..." I wrote back and said I would meet him only if it would benefit me somehow he said she didn't want me to contact her etc...

To make a long story short, he's not even in the same state, I went to the movie but didn't see them. Him and I got into a nasty text message fight, he tried to scare me saying that he had HIV and I should go get checked out (he later admitted was a lie) The whole thing was pretty ugly I told my EX a lot about my past when we were together and he threatened to expose some of it. It ended by me saying that I was sorry for hurting him asking him not to hurt anyone from my past to hurt me. He said I didn't hurt him his wife hurt him and asked if I was going to text or call his wife anymore. I didn't respond, I left it at that.

Obviously 2 months hasn't been long enough, she still must think I ruined her life and fine, I would have taken silence from her to mean "no" but whatever, it is what it is.

I thought If she did something to hurt me like this I would be devastated and for a few minutes I was but it went away real quick. Maybe I really needed something to convince me that she isn't good for me and I think her acting like this (telling him everything and sending him all my texts) pretty much did it. I know I hurt her by what I've said to him after our breakup which I do regret but I apologized and I forgave her for what she did to me.

So that was my contact with her before I leave to go across the country, probably wasn't the best for me, but I feel like a little weight has been lifted off my chest.

JoeCanada76 · May 6, 2007, 12:45 AM

First of all, he has every right to be mad at you. At the same time she decided to see other people while being married.

You should never have contacted her. That was silly. No more contact ever again.

Joe

Fr_Chuck · May 6, 2007, 08:51 AM

Yes I don't know what you expected trying to contract her, and dealing with the husband is just silly. Sorry you deserve anything that happens from this.

talaniman · May 6, 2007, 12:40 PM

I hope that silly notion is out of your system, not to smart.

wontbez · May 11, 2007, 11:26 PM

Hi, I'll be heading to MD when you read this so no need to start WWIII (or WWX I guess it would be now). I hope in 10 years were not still at this point, I want things to be better then this, maybe even have a conversation :) I promised myself I'll learn how to be better at biting my tongue, It's amazing what jealousy will do to people. Happy mothers day! I wrote the poem below a few months ago, it probably doesn't mean much to you now but I wanted to share it with you and I figured this would be better then getting you roses or something that you would consider an act of stalking :) This is completely platonic Danielle, if you want just hit the delete button and no harm will be done, I'm not expecting anything in return. You probably won't hear from me until you get the money I owe you, my goal is to have it to you by your birthday but I'm sure you wouldn't mind having it sooner. Take Care! -xxxx

My Reason
So much I don't understand about this world. I love
And want to be loved. I cry. I feel pain deep inside
It's a pain I can't describe but it's always there.
Tomorrow will come and for a time the pain will
Subside but the pain always returns. I feel so
Sorry I feel so angry I feel so sad I feel so
Tired. I long to find the answers that we all
Seek. What is in store for me? Do I have a
Purpose? Do any of us have a purpose? Are we all
Feeling this pain? Why does it matter how love
Changes us if us are changed for the better? Why do
People want what they can't have? I crave love. I
Am a soul in search of love true love love without
Limits without boundaries love that knows no time.
For you I cry. I don't know who you are but I weep
With every thought. I can't let go of this love it
Haunts me it takes me to places I didn't know
Existed. I feel an emptiness when I'm alone. I
Find purpose only because I don't know what else to
Do. I search for love because love is my reason.

By: XXXXX

persainpapaya · May 12, 2007, 12:03 AM

No. Don't send it. For one... it sounds like she has accused you of stalking her. Two... nobody is attracted to desperation. And three... if she is supposed to be yours, she will seek you out. Let her go dude. If you're a good guy, there will be plenty other girls for you to fall in love with. Don't you deserve someone who can't stand to be away from you? Someone who will just die if she can't wake up and see your face every morning? She's out there. Wait for her. Throw this one back in the water and forget about her. Good luck.

tawnynkids · May 12, 2007, 12:13 AM

My guess from your prior posts is that she is married? No do not send it. Walk away like you have already been advised on previous posts and above.

blondieinCAN · May 12, 2007, 01:13 AM

I think that if a woman tells you to stop doing anyting u are doing you should. And the poem is all about you. Not her. Read it again and you'll see. You are infatuated maybe with the old idea of her, and not you two together.

talaniman · May 12, 2007, 05:35 AM

Look back over all your posts, and see if you seem obsessed and selfish and holding on to a fantasy,
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...archid=1332968

You should have let it go a long time ago and moved on. Starting thread after thread about the same thing makes me think your stuck. Not a healthy place to be, so for the umteenth time move on. Not wise to send that poem.

emopunk7 · May 30, 2007, 07:06 AM

How can you be friends with an ex though? Any other girl you talk to will be intimidated by the fact that you still contact your ex!

wontbez · May 30, 2007, 07:16 AM

Originally Posted by emopunk7

How can you be friends with an ex though? Any other girl you talk to will be intimidated by the fact that u still contact ur ex!

Good point! I'm living across the country now and if she ever wants to contact me she's smart enough to figure out how. At this piont I've moved on, I don't really have time for the drama anyway :)