Entire story merged
I'm 24 years old never married and had only a few relationships. I moved to Las Vegas almost 2 years ago on a pipe dream to be a professional poker player leaving behind my house, job and moved to a place where I didn't know anybody and had no family (I question this decision everyday).
I knew (we'll call him joe) from online poker, it happened that him and his family (wife and 3 kids) also had just moved here. Joe is a very successful business person, he makes a lot of money and their lifestyle reflects it. Joe and his wife have separate bank accounts and she takes care of all the bills, she receives at least 10k a month for bills and allowance for her and kids. Joe and I became "friends" I actually ended up working for him for a little while, and I would help him out running the kids around and doing things for him. I would frequently be at his hose playing with kids watching TV basically hanging out and in the process I became very close to his family, this went on for a little over a year.
One weekend back in September his wife called me (I'll call her Jane), Jane said that Joe was going away for the weekend and was taking the kids with him and asked if I would come "babysit" her. I had become very close to the family at this point and knew that Jane was very unhappy with her marriage at least from what Joe told me. While Joe was very successful in business he was a horrible father and even worse husband, paying little attention to his family, most nights he would sit in front of a computer down stairs playing poker while the rest of us were upstairs having fun. Knowing this I suspected that she was probably feeling very lonely and while I said I would come over I made sure to call Joe to let him know that I would be over with Jane.
Joe's response when I told him about Jane calling me wasn't what I was hoping for, he told me she's probably looking to get laid and that he doesn't care what happens. I told Joe he didn't have anything to worry about to which he replied "I don't care anyway"
I meant what I said but all the things Joe had been telling me about Jane I started to doubt and instead started to see Joe for who he really was. I went over to Jane's house and she told me that Joe hand sent her an email the night before he left (so while he was still there he sends her an email) that said that I called him and she's "allowed" to go get laid by anyone as long as its not someone he works with meaning me, he then went on in this email to say that while I'm an OK kid he just needed someone to run errands and to talk poker with and he didn't consider me a friend. He also went on to say that the thought of her and I sleeping together was disgusting blah blah blah. After reading this email my entire thought process changed.
Jane and I went out that night and had a great time, I had been around her for a year, so we already knew a lot about each other but our conversations became more personal and I became deeply attracted to her. While we were out I began to touch her, placing my arm around her waist and rubbing her back at one point I felt her quiver and she said that no ones touched her like that in a long time.
That night nothing happened, I slept on the couch downstairs and she slept in her bed, the next day however the affair started. We went out again but this time on the car ride back home she started kissing me very heavy and I was very weak at that moment, and it happened.
Joe never found out and during the next month Jane and I slept together all the time, we told each other how much we loved each other, how I made her more happy then she's ever been that it's the best sex she ever had, that she wanted to leave Joe for me and more. The next month Joe took a new Job in Texas, I have family in Texas so I decided that I would move too, the only catch was Joe was moving right away but Jane and the kids were going to stay until the school year was over this June. Since my lease was up on my apartment and I wanted to get closer to Jane I asked her if I could move in until we moved, she eventually said yes but that she was afraid that we might get too close, this is where it starts going down hill.
For the next couple of months I fell more in love with Jane, I wanted to be with her for ever, we were already living together sleeping in the same bed every night, the oldest girl (16 year old) child knew about the affair the 2 younger ones (10 year old boy and 12 year old girl) did not. I loved the kids and understood that I could never replace her father and Joe would always be a part of their lives. What I didn't expect was Jane's lack of commitment, she would not let go of Joe. I think this mainly had to do with money because she would always talk about losing everything and I certainly did not make enough for what she was used to. During this time Joe did not know what was going on, she would never tell him.
The first time Joe came home for a visit and they slept together, I cried like a baby it was the most painful thing I ever had to deal with, Him and Her in the same bed while I was sleeping on the sleeper couch (this is where Joe thought I slept all the time). Every time he was around I took a backseat and everything stooped, it hurt so bad that even thinking and writing this is making my stomach curl, I can't describe how painful this felt. During this period after Joe left from his visits, we would always makeup and the pain would go away, but that's when the arguments would start, Jane said she needed time and she needed to get her ducks in a row before leaving even though it had been months.
I finally couldn't take the pain and the fighting anymore, I still loved Jane more then anything but I didn't feel like I could take the pain anymore because I might end up doing something that would end it (happened anyway) so I moved out, we were still going to see each other, but slow down and almost start over. What I didn't realize was that just because I wasn't living with her didn't mean the pain would stop. The first week I moved out I wanted to give her some space so I didn't call or text her (we would text 40 times a day) ignoring her and not calling her that week besides being very difficult was probably a mistake because by the end of the week she sent me some texts that said things from "why won't you talk to me I need you" to "I guess this is goodbye, you've given me so much I can never repay you, I will always love you" and also " you and your game"
The Saturday after I moved out (5 days) we finally talked and had an argument about my ignoring her but we both really wanted to see each other very bad. She was going to come see me and I was sooo excited to be seeing her again, I can't tell you how much I wanted to see her but when Joe made a surprise visit and made plans to take her out I lost it. I told Jane to tell Joe how she felt or I would.
She told Joe that I fell in love with her and that she threw me out. She basically played the victim and blamed me for everything, Joe as it turns out had her cell phone records and was going to ask her about all the talking anyway.
Joe sent me a very nasty email cursing me out, telling me never to talk to anyone in his family again etc...
I saw Jane that Monday to give her back keys and garage opener and she brought my mail etc... we talked for a few hours while her daughter was at dance, she wouldn't let me touch her, I was in so much pain, I felt betrayed but yet at the same time still so much in love with her, it hurts so much!!
Later that week Joe found an email in Jane's account that let him know that Jane and I had in fact slept together, and Joe sent out another email saying F*** Jane and me that I saved him 100k a year and gave him custody blah blah.
I talked to Jane after that email Joe sent and she said she never wanted to talk to me again, that I ruined her life and that I hope I was happy. She said she's still moving to Texas so her kids can be close to their father, and she's going to work on fixing the relationship with her husband if there's anything to be fixed. This all happened several weeks ago and I can't stop thinking about her. I truly loved her with everything I had. I came to the conclusion that I'm not responsible for what happens to her now that I didn't hold a gun to her head and force her to do anything, but I can't stop thinking about her.
How can someone treat love like this?
How can someone play with another persons heart like it's a toy, saying that what to be with them but then stab them in the back?
Was she just trying to have her cake and eat it to?
I want to call and talk to her so bad, I should probably feel angry but I guess I still love her, I know just because I love her doesn't mean she feels the same way.
I just don't understand how someone can do this to another person, and I can't understand why I feel so much pain and miss her so much when I think about her?
The thoughts of her are going away little by little, I am keeping myself busy, I work full time and volunteer for the red cross where I see people that lose everything in a fire and make my problems insignificant, but every time something reminds me of her It hurts so deep. I just found a bunch of pictures her kids had put on my computer while I was living there (none of me) and seeing her brought out so much sadness in me, which is why I'm writing this. I feel so alone when I think about her, I can't think of the times we had as happy, I think of them and times I'll never have again.
I just want to know why?
