[dearshilps]

Hi
Sorry for long post but need help.

When I was 12 or 13 , I used to like a guy a lot who used to stay in our colony who was 5 years older to me. But not with the intentions of love or what and I had a strong feeling that he used to like me too. Time passed and we grew up.

When I entered college I was 17 by that time. And to my surprise he proposed me. Although it took me some time to enter a relationship. Later he told me that he was in a brief relationship with a girl that didn’t last. I had difficulty in accepting this and I didn't want to continue the relationship because I was not able to cope up with this. But he didn’t let me do so and I discovered that he loves me passionately. His love for me was sooo strong and he was so dedicated towards me that we continued and let me accept that he loved me madly all these years and after 5 years of relationship we got
Married. And I almost forgot everything about his past.

Now its been 10 years since we are married and blessed with two wonderful kids.And I never recalled anything about his past.However While we were moving to our new house, I found two photographs of them together and many greeting cards in store room which were given by his girlfriend. And I was so hurt to see that.I handed over photos and cards to my husband and he threw them away. I even know that he has no idea how those things were still there in store room. Despite knowing this ,I blamed him that he kept those things intentionally so that he can make me feel jealous. Its been more than a month I am not able to take this out of my head .I keep on imagining that they must have been involved emotionally, physically. I am not the only woman he loved whereas he is the only man I loved.I feel bad about myself .I pity myself that I don’t have any past.

I am a very positive person and a great follower of "The Secret". I tried a lot to help myself . Searched on goolge, read many artices about how to forget the past , how to cope with such things. Everywhere I read "it was past", "focus on today","Appreciate how much he loves you", "he married you", "he has kids with you"," he loved you passiontely". I have been doing this for a month and now going crazy.I try my best to control my thoughts and decide strongly that I will not do this. But I do think. I am not able to avoid.

I talked to him and told him specifically that I am hurt and want him to go through same pain. I announced that "I will have an affair and I meant it" and I meant what I said. After hearing this he started shouting and said If I ever involve with someone he will commit suicide. He goes violent and start smashing things.I fight with him over this when I know it is past and I have no control over it.It has no relevance today.Everytime I say this he says he will commit suicide but I always ignored. One day because of my office work I got late and I lied to him that I went to dinner with someone else. The same night I told him again that I will have another man in my life. He was so badly hurt.He started crying like a child.He kept on crying and crying and said he will commit suicide.He cried so badly that It was very difficult for me to make him comfortable and in order to stop his pain and to make him feel good I said I was sorry and would never do what I said.I made him comfortable. And I still consider to be so lucky in this world to be loved so passionately by the person I loved .

However , my pain remains the same. If he loves me so much, he must have loved her too.He always wants to kiss me and make love and he might have done the same with her too.Why did he love her? Why I am not his first? I cry over this when I drive, while in office, when in toilets.

[Gamed]

HOW HEARTLESS CAN YOU BE. He obviously loves you 10x more than he did her on their best day he obviously didn't love her nearly enough to want to dedicate his life to her. This man offers his life to you and you want to ruin it because your jealous of some bimbo he had as a girlfriend?

This man was threatened to end his life at the thought of you leaving the love you have with him. And you decide to toy with that and make him cry?? Are you a tiny child??

So because of your pathetic jealousy you get to toy with the man that dedicates everything to supporting your family ,and put your kids family at risk? HAVE YOU NO SOUL? This is a new low I've never heard of. You need to realize what I just told you and get over it. He never loved her half as much REALIZE THAT. Before permanent damage is done to your family.