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662418082010 · May 10, 2012, 07:13 AM

I have been dating this amazing, beautiful guy for approximately 4 months and now I live with him (yes I know it's only been a short while, but it just happened). We are very compatible and get along incredibly. There are no major issues. Recently I find that he is not "that into me"... maybe it's the fact that we are getting comfortabble with each other and the way are lives are going and the day to day routine, but I am a little worried. The are no major issues however, last night and all day yesterday I was down in the dumps and really needed him... when he got home from work, he could see that I was having a bad day and talked to me for a bit, but then had things to do and left, but 1 hours earlier than he really needed too... I was sad that he didn't spend as much time with me as I would have liked given It was a sad day for me and I was dealing with major issues.

When he left I sent him a few texts that he eventually answered and say "we are all good"... when he returned home, he didn't rush to come see me but instead stayed in the garage and had a few beers. That also made me sad. When he eventually came to bed, we discussed a bit (very calmly) about things and he says, that when I get down on myself, I use the term "Your not into me anymore"... He says I create drama for nothing, that we are all good.

I just want his attention and for him to make me feel better. Am I being unreasonable?. we eventually fell asleep without a word or a touch (which is not like us)... this morning he left for work with no word and I tried texting him and he he hasn't responded yet. Does he just need some space? Am I making too much of this? How do I deal with it when I want to be in his arms, but feel he needs to be left alone... I am so hurt!

Homegirl 50 · May 10, 2012, 07:35 AM

It could be that your relationship moved way too fast and the glow has worn off. It has been 4 months, this is generally a getting to know you period. It may be a good idea to put some distance between you. Move out and date at a normal pace, see if there is still something there.

cjk888 · May 10, 2012, 07:41 AM

See what happens if you just chill out a little, I have the same problem were I over anaylses everything lol if you back off abit he will come running guys are like that they like to chase.

662418082010 · May 10, 2012, 10:11 AM

I've been with an amazing man for about 4 months, when I confront him about something or tell him how I am feeling, he tells me I'm trying to create drama where there is none. He tells me that everything is all good and why do I try to create something that isn't there. SHould I just go with it and enjoy or try and get answers out of him. When I do, he gets really mad and leaves... I feel I can't tell him how I feel in fear of him getting mad at me. What should I do!

mmresd · May 10, 2012, 10:20 AM

What has been happening that is making you act this way? And why are you "confronting" him? Has he done something to harm you?

662418082010 · May 10, 2012, 10:24 AM

He has done absolutely nothing... he is a sweetheart. I just felt that he wasn't that into me anymore... he is very busy at work too... maybe it's me that is too needy... but how do I not be like that... how do I just go with the flow..?

My boyfriend keeps pics and albums of his exes. Should I be concerned about this. He says its his past and it made him who he is today and won't get rid of them. Is this normal?

WisperWill70 · May 10, 2012, 11:01 AM

Originally Posted by 662418082010

My boyfriend keeps pics and albums of his exes. Should I be concerned about this. He says its his past and it made him who he is today and wont get rid of them. Is this normal?

My spouse has photo albums that feature pictures of old exes and other chapters of life. My ex is still an important person to ME, and while I wouldn't want to go back there, that time of my life made me who I am today. I wouldn't want to obliterate my past to appease fear.

If you're insecure about ex girlfriends then some issues of security and trust are the problem here and not the pictures.

662418082010 · May 10, 2012, 11:02 AM

Makes sense... thank you for the response!

WisperWill70 · May 10, 2012, 11:10 AM

Look for that little place of truth in his criticism that you're inventing drama where there is none. You yourself said that he's a "Sweetheart and has done nothing wrong" -- if that's true then your FEARS are taking over and causing you to see rejection or distance and your ego is looking for problems and danger. Those are illusions and self defeating patterns.

"Maybe I'm too needy"
Neediness creates DISTANCE because when we're anxious, mistrustful, needy-- we're showing our lack of self value on some level. It chases those who are trying to love us away! (and then we are even MORE scared of abandonment)

It may be that you're trying to get love and attention through the drama - or reassurance that things are OK. If so-- you're going to have to find new ways to be responsible for your feelings. If your boyfriend is the only one capable of making you feel good on certain days -- what does that say about your ability to rely on yourself?
Take responsibility for your emotions and square yourself that if you're going to get past the new stages of relationship you're going to have to take a trust leap sometime!

mmresd · May 10, 2012, 11:43 AM

I wouldn't worry about it, I keep albums as well, I have no need to throw them away, and I always like to keep the happy parts of my memories close to me.

morena12 · May 10, 2012, 11:50 AM

I would not be able to accept that I say leave the past in the past I mean if he really wants to be with you and you don't want him to keep the pics then he needs to get rid of the pics unless you have some of your own

662418082010 · May 11, 2012, 05:32 AM

I am with a wonderful man who makes me feel amazing and loved. For some reason I am always looking for reassurance and need for him to be all over me. Or I get jealous when I think of his past relationships. I can really have it all with this guy and my future can be complete. How do I let go of the insecurities and the jeolousy. I don't want to be that way as I have no reason to be... what can I do? Does anyone have any pointers for me please!!

talaniman · May 11, 2012, 06:16 AM

Think before you act, or speak, and learn to back off, instead of acting on feelings of fear. In this way you can seal with the feelings and let them pass, without projecting them to him.

Practice this until it works perfect. 4 months is just getting to know this stranger you live with. Rather fast, and it just didn't happen, you helped it happen. Slowdown.