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hunibuni273 · Mar 1, 2012, 03:48 AM

Everything was perfect up until just after Christmas this year he started going out every Sunday night and drinking which he never use to do and we would have arguments over it. But we always managed to sort it out. Then all off a sudden he had two weeks off and all he was doing was thinking. I came home from work one day to find he had written a big long letter out to me saying that he didn't know if I was happy with him, and that he thought he couldn't give me all the things that I deserved, as he was not ready to get married yet. And that he didn't feel we would be able to get are own place for 10 or more years, and that he still hurt over me worrying if we were going to end up like his mum and dad did. As his mum broke up with his fathers years ago cause she didn't see the relationship going anywhere.

After me reading it we ended up in an argument and I said something I didn't mean. We didn't sleep in the same bed that night, and the next day he said he didn't think he want to be with me anymore. I got him to give up a chance, but all of sudden he went out again on Sunday night drinking and came back saying he not happy and doesn't know what he wants. And a few days later of him sleeping in spare room, and thinking he broke up with me.

We still live in the same house, but in separate rooms, but things have been rather confusing. There are days were he start arguments or he says he tries to hate me, and then he is all over me giving me cuddles, and kissing me, and telling me he misses me, and doesn't know what he wants. And then he says we will talk about are relationship, and then he change his mind and decide to go out, and that we were going to talk about sorting out our friendship and not relationship, which is not what he was giving the impression of at the time.

He went out last Sunday and I heard him come home and talking to a friend on the phone I could hear him in tears saying he didn't know what he wanted. The next day he was angry saying he heard I been saying or doing stuff and he removed my number and said he never want to hear from me again but when he got home we talked stuff out, and I said to him all bull**** he making up cause people I talked to saying he wasn't telling the truth. But after we sorted things out, I asked him if all hope is gone, and he said he reckons our relationship is broken beyond repair. I asked if he made his mind up and he said he thinks so. But when we talk to each other it like nothing changed, and have to remind myself we broke up. But the message he gives off is at times he wants to be with me, and then he pushes me away.

I'm so confused its been a month now since he broke up with me and I'm finding it so hard to figure out what to do. HELP

kcarrive · Mar 1, 2012, 11:12 AM

You need to be upfront. You care for him. If you want it to work, tell him so however you can't deal with the back and forth rollercoaster. And leave the ball in his court, if he comes back to reality and realizes he is still in love with you go for it. If he doesn't, let it go. The world is filled w/good guys , and sometimes much better than you expected and deserve.

hunibuni273 · Mar 2, 2012, 02:10 PM

Yeh he knows how I feel but he Is really confused we have never been apart we have lived together for over 4 years and after just having a talk before he just gone out he said to me first he misses me when I'm here but not when I'm not here which is why he thinks why should we be in a relationship but it case of when has he ever really had to miss me we never been apart long enough to miss me the whole time we been together since we broke up I think the longest we gone apart is just over 24 hours then he changed it to I miss you when you're here but when you not here not as much I said so you do miss me then he said I miss you but not as much as you miss me so his head really messed up Im going away for 10days soon so hopefully that will help him figure his head out in my mind he has not had long enough to feel like he misses me he even said to me haveI even tried not to miss him I said to him so is that what you have done then tried not to miss me for so long he said no. I don't know maybe I'm reading too much into it.

talaniman · Mar 2, 2012, 10:48 PM

I think you leave for good, not just 10 days. Take everything, and don't come back.

hunibuni273 · Mar 3, 2012, 02:42 AM

I have tried looking in to finding my own place but I can't afford it and my family live far away and were they live there is no jobs going so I would be unemployed and I have bills to pay for that is the problem that is why he said I could continue living with him and his mum. His granny thinks that he is depressed and the more he talks the more I am beginning to agree the problem is he does not think he is. In my mind when it comes to the missing thing are minds both got into the mind set of not missing each other cause we live together so never had to miss each other but never noticed it but now that we broken up he noticing it and think it a reason we should not be together when it just something that his mind set to cause we still live together so he still gets to see me everyday so he don't have to miss me and when we are together obvious we miss each other more cause we not with each other as we were before so maybe that actually telling him we should be together and he reading it wrong. And the weird thing is he didn't start saying all this until after I got a message from a friend that made me smile and he didn't seem to like it he seemed curious and upset wondering who this person was that just messaged me and made me smile I said to him just a friend isn't known them that long and I think that got to him.

talaniman · Mar 3, 2012, 01:58 PM

I don't think the problem is whether you miss each other or not. I think the problem is you don't know how to work together at all to find a plan of action to build for a future. Maybe he is unhealthy of mind, or whatever, but he seeks no help, or solution for it, so the outcome is the same... he cannot work with you to build a healthy relationship. That means you are left with a one sided solution for yourself. Assuming you are healthy.

I think you are but are to dependent on him, and his family to separate the failing relationship from the dependent situation. Thats the cause of your emotional confusion. Change your situation by removing yourself, or change your mindset by not needing him to be happy!

If the latter, you can deal with this close live in situation as a boarder, and not need the relationship, while you do better for yourself, NO MATTER what he does for himself or you.

In short, expect absolutely NOTHING from him, or move!