[sopranoxl]

I've been seeing my partner (now ex) for a year and a half. We always talked about our future, future children and where we'd live. I was happy, not perfect but happy until last week when I found I actually wasn't his girlfriend just his bit on the side. In actual fact he lives with his girlfriend of 3 and a half years...

I tried to be strong and stay away although its killing me. He says he loves me and I'm the one but he can't leave her due to business and upsetting his family, he says they hardly see each other and haven't slept together in months. I'm torn with what to believe, I do think he loves me and he loves her too. I know I have no right to ask him to leave her as he was hers first and I wouldn't ever tell her as I know how much it hurts.

If he loves me why won't he choose me? But on the other hand do I really want to be with someone who can lie to me for over a year and cheat on his girlfriend? Could I ever really trust him? Someone please help me.

Thank you

[talaniman]

You have answered your own question,

If he loves me why won't he choose me? But on the other hand do I really want to be with someone who can lie to me for over a year and cheat on his girlfriend? Could I ever really trust him?

Someone please help me.

You should be mad and disgusted and have no more to do with this lying cheater!

[dontknownuthin]

There's really nothing to be torn about. How recently they slept together or his reasons for cheating on his live-in partner really aren't relevant. The reason to break up with him is that he has been lying to you for a year and a half, presenting himself as a single man when he's living with another woman. Whatever his reasons for doing so are not relevant.

A man who will cheat with you will also cheat on you. A man of honor, faced with problems in a relationship, would either resolve the problems or end the relationship before he entered into a new one. A man who is mature enough to know what it is to love a woman is also mature enough to stand up to his family and to manage his business so that falling in and out of love with a girlfriend will not put that business in jeopardy. How recently he slept with this girl is irrelevant.

You have EVERY right to tell him that the condition for being with you is that he must leave her, introduce you to his family and friends and be open all the way around with the situation and prove that he is trustworthy moving forward. Don't be a doormat about this... your thought that you have no right to ask him to leave her is ridiculous. You DO have the right to demand your long-term boyfriend not to be with another woman. He can say "no" and you can be done with him.

However, I wouldn't do this even though you do have every right. You've spent enough time on him and this is a deal-breaker breach of your trust that can never be made right. Never. If you give him another chance, then a year from now you'll be on here saying your boyfriend of TWO and a half years, who you gave another chance after he cheated on you, cheated on you again.

And incidentally, he didn't just cheat on the live in girlfriend - he cheated on you, too. For a year and a half.

Recognize the difference between loving to have a boyfriend and loving this particular boyfriend. You can ditch this man and still love having a boyfriend - get another one who is truly free and clear. And if he doesn't bring you to his home, introduce you to his friends and siblings, parents and roomates, within the first few months - he's hiding you and probably married or dating someone else.





I couldn't get in to edit my post but I meant in the first sentence to say that his reasons for this behavior are irrelevant.

[twiggy63]

He is having his cake and eat it,don't let him do this to you,have more respect for yourself... a leopard never changes its spots ,believe me.My ex husband of 7 yrs was having an affair and I found out 12mths later,we divorced,he then went behind the affairs back with another lady I knew,they split,he stayed with the new lady,he wedd her and 2 months after the marriage he was found to be having an affair,they parted for 3 weeks but she foolishly took him back,they have been back together a few months and no doubt he will be up to his old tricks again soon... I say move on and find a man who really loves and respects you... good luck