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nicholewray · Feb 10, 2007, 04:18 PM

I have been married for 5 years. I was talking to my husband about his day. My husband made a comment on how his coworkers are always flirting with their female coworkers. So I asked him does he do the same. He said yes, but it is just innocent. So I asked him what do you consider an innocent comment to your female coworkers. He told one of his coworkers that he has been married before, but he is now on his second marriage (with me). So he tells his female coworker if she does not watch out she can be number 3. I did not know how to respond to such a comment so I didn't. Should I tell him to stop flirting or should I let it go.

dorianna · Feb 10, 2007, 06:17 PM

Every relationship is different.

I think there are two interesting things about what he said to his coworker.

First, it may have played on directly on your insecurities. I'm assuming he divorced his first wife? That just isn't fair. It isn't something he should joke about.

Second, he told you. If he is like most men, he told you because he was impressed with his own cleverness and wanted you to be impressed too. Seriously, they tell a knock-knock joke and want a sitcom. He may not have even realized how hurtful it was.

But the fact that you posted here makes me think you are looking for permission to be upset. So I give you permission. I'd be upset. I'd be more hurt than angry. It's okay to let your husband know you're hurt. If you are, I think you should.

Whatever you decide, I beg you to discuss it with your husband. It really has to stop -- if not for you, then for the women in the workplace. It sounds like sexual harassment. It sounds like it's pretty pervasive -- it may be a hostile work environment. It is important for his career and your (yours and your husband's) future. It's a ticking timebomb of a lawsuit. Things that seem innocent can easily offend one person... and it only takes one person to sue.

Good luck.
And please, never apologize for how you feel -- you are smart, you know what feels right and what doesn't.

talaniman · Feb 10, 2007, 09:34 PM

If you don't want to hear the answer don't ask the question. Let it go and appreciate his honesty. Read no more into it and don't worry. If he wanted to hide something he could have.

RubyPitbull · Feb 11, 2007, 02:20 PM

I have to agree with talaniman here. I am a woman who at one time worked in the construction industry. That kind of banter was rampant. The people who were comfortable in their own skins and in their marriages, laughed it off. No biggie. Is it correct decorum in the office? That is a whole other can of worms I am not going to get into here.

You asked a question. Your husband responded to it honestly. To him, that is innocent flirtation. If it wasn't innocent to him, if he has feelings for her, he wouldn't have shared it with you. Please read that sentence again! :) The fact that he shares office conversations with you should put your mind at ease, not heighten your jealousy. His honest response to your question proves that he loves you and he is not looking around. Please believe that.

april75 · Feb 13, 2007, 11:41 AM

Originally Posted by nicholewray

I have been married for 5 years. I was talking to my husband about his day. My husband made a comment on how his coworkers are always flirting with their female coworkers. So I asked him does he do the same. He said yes, but it is just innocent. So I asked him what do you consider an innocent comment to your female coworkers. He told one of his coworkers that he has been married before, but he is now on his second marriage (with me). So he tells his female coworker if she does not watch out she can be number 3. I did not know how to respond to such a comment so I didn't. Should I tell him to stop flirting or should I let it go.

Based upon what you've posted what he has done or is doing sounds "innocent". People view flirting in different ways a flirt to some may be kidding around to another... Personally I don't see anything wrong with kidding around with coworkers or friends. No one should feel like they have to behave as a robot around the opposite sex because they are married. However, there are limits... as long as he is not touching or holding gazes with these women and just kidding around then no one should be chastised for that.