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davekay · Nov 15, 2011, 01:02 AM

My girlfriend of 5 months is going for a weekend away with her female friends. They're going on a city break to watch a band staying in a hotel. She's 25, I'm 50. We've never been apart for 4 months .I am really worried that some other man might catch her attention when she's away because she is so bright and beautiful. I've told her that I will end the relationship if there's evidence that she has cheated when she goes away. She says she's only going to see her mates. I can't get it out of my head. What shall I do?

DoulaLC · Nov 15, 2011, 04:49 AM

Have you ever had any reason not to trust her? Have you been cheated on before and that is causing you to put those concerns on her?

It is unfortunate that you have already planted the seed of doubting her by telling her that you will end the relationship if there is any evidence of her cheating... and after only 5 months no less.

Sure someone will likely notice her, but that doesn't mean she will act upon that. Don't you notice attractive women? Does that mean you are likely to cheat with them? I'm sure she has noticed other attractive men already.

Could it also be that perhaps you, yourself, have cheated on someone in the past and that is what causes you worry it might happen to you?

Do you not feel that she loves and respects you and the relationship that you have?

All you can do is let her go, tell her to have a great time with her mates, show her that you trust her (even if inside you are worried). Don't bring it up again, she already knows how strongly you feel about it.

Fr_Chuck · Nov 26, 2011, 06:14 PM

I see serious trust issues, and the age difference seems to bother you. You will lose her for sure, esp with threats like that, You should not have said anything, or if you did, it was that you love and trust her. Threats to end the relationship normally will.

geminichick · Nov 27, 2011, 05:56 AM

It sounds like your insecure. What would make you feel like she would go and find someone else? Is it the age difference? She is only 25 years old and when your young or any age actually, you enjoy doing things with your friends. She can't be with you all of the time. If there is no trust in a relationship then in my opinion there is no relationship. When she is away with her friends, why don't you go and do some things with your friends. Enjoy life a little. Life is way too short to become obsessed over someone. It will steal your whole life away.

JudyKayTee · Nov 27, 2011, 08:30 AM

Originally Posted by davekay

I've told her that I will end the relationship if there's evidence that she has cheated when she goes away. She says she's only going to see her mates. I can't get it out of my head. What shall I do?

I think a good start would be to trust her more and threaten her less.

This is your problem, not hers - unless you turn it into her problem.

She does not need to come home from her trip to be cross examined and accused, which I think is going to happen. I don't think you're going to be able to drop the subject.

If you are so unsure of the relationship I think you should move on.