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camrond · Sep 23, 2011, 10:30 AM

Well I love her. She's beautiful, affectionate and I really connect with her in conversation and other ways. I enjoy spending time with her tremendously and she is very committed to me. We've been together about 3 months.

Its not a big deal but sometimes the age difference stands out. I am doing graduate school and am 23 years old. She is an 18 year old freshman in college. We began dating the summer before her freshman year so I have been with her through the entire transition into college. My graduate school is approximately 200 miles away from her school too so it is sort of long-distance during the week. We are seeing each other almost every weekend and our familial homes are much closer to one another so we see each other on any holidays and breaks (like this summer when I met her we were only 30 minutes away from each other max).

So far the distance hasn't been an issue, it's a challenge but its going OK.

The age difference, however, is somewhat apparent in our behavior. For example she finds it interesting to go out and drink alcohol and will discuss the event at length - including the details of how much she drank and what her friend said and such. To me this activity is dull and not worth conversation. Conversely, if I want to discuss events in my life (such as projects I am working on) or experiences with friends she doesn't really seem interested... I feel like I am boring her when I talk too lol.

Another issue (which seems to be going away) is that she hangs out with plenty of freshman guys daily. Sometimes she sees them alone for a bit although mostly she will go out with a group of them. She dresses somewhat provocatively and is flirtatious. I can tell other boys look at her and flirt with her. So far nothing has happened except one guy kissed her on the cheek when they hugged goodbye... she called me and was upset about it although now they're still 'friends'? The guy is not a threat to me, I know she won't like him that way, but I still don't know how to respond. She always asks if anything makes me uncomfortable and at first I suggested a few things that she could do differently if she wanted to consider me more. Now I have decided to let her do what she wants because I've told her once what makes me feel comfortable and what doesn't; she should know what she is doing in this regard or at least learn what she wants in life (she's 18 not 8 years old). I won't try to control her. If she wants it to work, she will let it work; if she shows me she doesn't want it to work through her actions, then she gets what she wants and so do I (a different relationship with a girl who knows what she wants and shares those desires with me). Basically, I understand she's a freshman and needs new friends; if she crosses the line I will leave but I will not constantly point out that boundary line. She will see that line for herself if she really wants to, otherwise she never really wanted to.

I know I'm rambling but I would really appreciate feedback on how I am handling this so far: how I should move forward, and any commentary, advice, predictions, or criticism on this situation in general.

laurenJhartley · Sep 23, 2011, 03:25 PM

All I can say is your obviously both toatally different people this is a hard one but I would se how it all goes and you're no if she's right for you or not sooner or later

talaniman · Sep 23, 2011, 03:38 PM

Just enjoy the time you share, and do your thing with and without her. Share and care and see how it goes. That's all you can do with a person so young, so different, and so new to you. Enjoy it, or leave it alone.

Young people can change feelings in a minute though.

ScottGem · Sep 23, 2011, 03:41 PM

One major thing bothers me here. She is illegally drinking and bragging about it.

Fr_Chuck · Sep 23, 2011, 07:50 PM

8 years is nothing in life, my wife is well at least over 10 years younger then me and that is great.

And she is 18 so there is no legal issues about it.

What is happening is that first it is long distance, and that is a problem, since each most likely spend time with others as friends.

And then the "drinking" word, do you know how many of the bad break up posts start by , well we were just out drinking and? Or well he or she got drunk and >>

But I agree, you have to have trust, or it is not going to work, and for now, date, enjoy the time together and see where it goes

Nonyy · Sep 27, 2011, 06:19 AM

Your train of thought is brilliant. I, myself am 18 (sophomore year though) and my boyfriend is 22. So I'm in the same boat, but on the opposite end. My boyfriend and I have been going out for 2+ years (although we have been good friends for five). & whenever we argue, he pulls out this age card, and it's very frustrating. I would love to hear this from him (in a calm manner).. but hey, what can you do! This makes perfect sense to me. Your girlfriend knows what she's doing. You have the perfect approach to it.

camrond · Sep 29, 2011, 11:38 PM

Thanks for the feedback guys. There really isn't much else to say about this situation then. I will proceed amicably and respectfully to see where it ends up. If I had to make a prediction, however, she won't be 'it' for me... unfortunately (or not?).

Oh how I wish there was some attainable goal with these things... and that I could use logic or hard-work to find my way there. Alas, that is just not how dating works at this age.

Although on second thought, what's the point if we don't enjoy the ride anyway? We're all racing for the grave in the end aren't we?

talaniman · Sep 30, 2011, 09:17 AM

It may suck now, and be disappointing, but it gets better once you can see that you have BETTER options, and opportunities ahead.

Talaniman Rule - Date them all! fat, short, skinny, or tall! 18 - 80, blind, cripple, or crazy.

This allows you the freedom to enjoy getting to know someone well enough to see if they deserve having your heart, and know what to do with it. That's after a proper healing, and building a life that you enjoy, with friends and family and activities that make you happy.

Fun first, love will follow, but make sure that stranger that puts a stang in your thang is for real, healthy, ready, and able.

I don't see committing to a stranger or giving them my heart after a few short months. Try six, and have plenty of options, and opportunities available until then.

That my idea of dating, and having fun with it.