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ihavequestions123 · May 2, 2010, 08:00 PM

I love her very much and would like to help her an any way. She won't go to a therapist either. Any advice would be great thank you

Clough · May 2, 2010, 09:36 PM

Hi, ihavequestions123!

How many years ago was it that she was molested, please?

Thanks!

hheath541 · May 2, 2010, 09:39 PM

How old are both of you? How long have you been together? How long have you been intimate?

ihavequestions123 · May 3, 2010, 12:04 AM

We've been together for almost a year. I'm 28 and she's 23. It happened when she was 11. That's all the info that she has ever told me

QLP · May 3, 2010, 03:29 AM

Do you both enjoy your sex life apart from her lack of orgasm? Is the lack of orgasm an issue for her or just for you? How is the rest of your relationship?

How did you react when she told you about the abuse and how long ago was that?

Whilst you try to work out how best to handle this may I suggest you take care not to put any pressure on her, she really does need to be ready to confront this herself before she can make any progress with it.

Cat1864 · May 3, 2010, 05:20 AM

First, the issues of molestation and of not reaching orgasm may not be related. Many women who haven't been molested have trouble climaxing without outside help such as direct stimulation.

Second, you can be supportive and let her know you are there for her, however, you cannot and should not attempt to coerce her into talking about what happened to her. She has to be able to open up about it when and where she feels comfortable.

Editted to remove proper forum question.

inheart · May 3, 2010, 06:05 AM

My ex wife could not orgasm without outside stimulation and was molested as a child with by her father but still could orgasm, so yes there may not be a relationship between the event(s) and the orgasm issue. However, it wasn't until a few years into the relationship the underlying effects started to surface. There was anger, perseption issues, conflict addictions, suicidal tendencies and a host of other issues. She never went to seek help because she didn't want to face the issue and resolve (?) her inner conflicts. It ultimately caused our divorce because it was eating away inside of her and effecting those around her. She needs to come to terms with it and she needs to be open with you. Over time the wounds won't heal they will just transform in to some other behavior. I'm sure she is nice and kindhearted person but we all have something that happened the can make us feel less or not good enough and that there is something wrong with us. Good luck! Love and affection will be your guide but she needs to face it and not shelter the issues so that you both can move on with new possiblies in your relationship.

Synnen · May 3, 2010, 07:33 AM

She NEEDS professional help. Period.

You are not qualified to help her deal with molestation issues. The ONLY thing you can do is make sure she always feels safe to talk to you--that's it.

The orgasm issues probably are not related. Does she masturbate? Can she get herself off? Until she can, there's probably not much that anyone ELSE can do to get her to orgasm.