[Jayne3636]

Hi guys,

I'll try and keep this as short as possible. There's a girl... isn't there always? Anyway, we met online and have been talking for 3 years. Recently that has evolved into something more. During the 3 years she was with a guy, who didn't really treat her right. He made nooo effort and took her for granted. Towards the end when it was coming apart, we fell for each other. Long story short... they broke up and not too long after we became official.

It started great, however as time progressed things started to effect her more. Primarily the distance between us, although I'm planning to visit in the summer. Another big thing is... well we're both girls. And that's not something she's come to terms with just yet. She hasn't told anyone, as it's a religious family and she hasn't come to terms with it herself. I try and be there as much as I can, I've been through the same thing you know and most of the time I get through to her.

Anyway, after a few months she asked for some space for a little bit, just to concentrate on college and work things out in her head. Its distracting her a little bit, she's a big worrier. The label was playing on her the most I think. She asked if we could be friends, so she wouldn't have to stress about it all. I told her I'd be whatever she wanted me to be and said yes, but as long as she understood I'd still feel for her and I'd wait until she told me to move on completely. That seemed fine, even though she wishes I could have it with someone closer to where I live and who isn't so complicated. But that doesn't matter to me, I just want her and I'm willing to wait.

However... I'm not sure if this is a way to gradually let me go, or if there really is hope for us. Part of me is willing to wait as long as I have to. But I also realise how its not exactly great for me.

Just hoping for some opinions?
Cheers

[Kahani Punjab]

Jayne3636,

Welcome to this beautiful site, first!

There are many possibilities. Opposites attract, usually and normally! As biknies hides less and reveals more, your writing has done the opposite, I mean, hidden much and revealed little. Wasn't it that you chatted online with her, as a boy? Frenship with a guy can't be replaced by that with a girl, remember - a hard fact. "who isn't so complicated" means she says she is complicated? Do you have lesbian tendencies? (I pardon in advance, if it hurts, but a question is question and needs to be put, however hard it is, if you want to solve someone's problem) Remember, there is wide differnce b/w online frenship and physical one. What attracts you to her, even as you haven't physically met even once, I presume? Am I right?

Solution - Meeting her and convincing her, communicating your problems, wishes and desires will surely impact her. That is a good way or option, if she allows you to meet her. I look forward to your reply, response or reaction.

Go, good luck!

[talaniman]

I take it you have never met nor dated or interacted in person but sad to say you sound like the perfect rebound. A friend who she latched onto to get her through a hard time and now that she is stronger no longer needs that kind of support.

I doubt she is questioning her sexuality, but seems as long as things were on line she was willing to go along with the program, but once plans were coming together she was having second thoughts so finally she had no choice but to give excuses to end things.

I feel she is letting you down as easy as possible, and you should accept she has other priorities, and confusions in her life, and give her the break she asked for.

After 3 years, and high hopes, I would imagine you have your own life to rebuild without her being part of it, and truly hope that is what you do for the sake of your own happiness, and well being.

Sorry for your loss, but the challenge of real life is what you face now, and I wish you good luck, no matter what she decides to do.

[vanheart]

"Part of me is willing to wait as long as I have to"
You've already waited enough.

I wouldn't do that anymore. You only have an online relationship. Nothing solidified yet.

And after 3 years, sounds like a long time not to get together.

I would write this one off. Its not doing anything for you. Except keeping you frustrated.

Like Tal said:
"I wish you good luck, no matter what she decides to do"

I say the same. Don't put your life on hold anymore.

[mmresd]

I believe that the way you have told you story leads me to believe that you were the rebound. Rebound time is done and now she is done with you. It happens whenever you chase someone that is involved with someone else. Respect and you shall be respected, disrespect and you shall receive none. Therefore, now that you have fallen for her, and she just USED you to mend her hurt for her ex-boyfriend, she is good enough to move on and leave you. Let this be a lesson learned.

[Jayne3636]

Hey, thanks guys

Though I probably didn't explain it too well. We've known each other for 3 years, I didn't start falling for her until recently when she let me in. And I wasn't alone in that... she confessed to having some issues with her boyfriend at the time because she wanted it to be me. She imagined me there instead of him. I believe she feels for me, completely believe it. But I'm not sure she can handle it... Theres similarities between her boyfriend and me. Her relationship with him was also long distance, though at least within 100km compared to mine, over 17,000km.

To answer some questions, I'm Bi myself. She has thought of it before, however, isn't quite sure what she is at the moment because of how she feels for me.

Do you think been friends will work? Its still a bit awkward at the moment, but if we put in the effort. I'm just scared that been friends will lead to her feelings fading and me been pulled along for the ride...

[Jayne3636]

Also, she's known I'm a girl the whole time, and she has known about my crushes for other girls over the time.

Cheer guys, I really appreciate your opinions

[vanheart]

Yeah, I get it.

I say take a break.

No real foundation here. Just LD libidos.

One sided. After all.

Regardless of past preferences, sex or gender, bfs, gfs, you both have to be on the same page, growing & committed, happily, otherwise, no.
Both willing. Wanting to continue as a couple.

Stands true for everyone.

She isn't in.

[mmresd]

Don't be friends, at least till your over it. No contact is the way you want to go.